Losing my virginity

[owwlexandra]

It's about more than this post, actually-that was just one example of today's double standard. I'm not meaning to target Diorette, but the fact is what she was saying WAS slut-shaming. The thing is, women really need to STOP downgrading each other; men do it enough (It's the EXACT reason why men can get away with calling a girl a slut, but when his 'bro' sleeps with 3 girls he's 'the man'- because they don't shame one another)

So yes, I was serious. I'm in a monogamous relationship and have only ever had sex with him, but only becuase that's my preference. I have a girlfriend who has had a good number of sexual partners. Am I better than her? Absolutely not. Is she a whore because she enjoys sex, but until recently hadn't found a guy she was willing to settle down with for an emotional connection as well as physical? Hell no.

This topic has LONG passed being about giving advice to the OP, as she has long since abandoned the thread. Instead it truly became a slut-shaming extravaganza.

3 guys in one night might be a reach, but honestly-it's still no one else's business.

I never said anything about calling anyone a slut. Yes the double standard with men and women is stupid. But in American society sleeping with several people is considered promiscuous behavior to most people. No matter what gender (even though men get away with it) That's just how it is. I"m not saying I agree with it. But it's true.

And since when does "it's nobody's business" stop anyone?? Soooo many things in this world are no one's business, but people always try to intervene. Whether it be politics, sexual orientations, religions. Even their style and fashion, which is on this board. So saying it's no one's business means nothing. Because unfortunately, everyone will have their own personal opinions about everyone and everything. And they are entitled to those opinions.

[Rosewynn]

You say 'most people' like that's some kind of excuse and she shouldn't be held accountable for what she said because 'well everyone else does it...'. Everyone is entitled to their opinion of course. That also includes those of us who call people out on gross behavior.

[guestgue]

All I'm saying is that there is a reason that women are still second class citizens in their own homes. It's because other women allow it to happen. Society says that men are "the man" when the score lots of chicks while women are sluts. You might say that you find both disgusting, but "most" people don't. Despite you saying that it applies to both men and women, I honestly don't see that with anything? Hell, even Tiger Woods and Jesse James who cheated on faithful wives with way too many partners weren't really reamed by society for their bad morals. They became a short lived joke, but that's it. People laughed, not scolded. If Sandra Bullock or Tiger's wife had been the cheater they would have a scarlet letter permanently imprinted next to their name.

My point was that society will never change, and women will never fully become equal unless we stop calling one another whores.
And I'm sorry, but I'm just not okay with being second-class.

[whoa]

It isn't the first time she has thrown around the world slut or whore when referencing another woman. If I remember correctly when Demi Lovato had pictures posted on twitter of her in a bra the term slut and whore were thrown around, yet the same poster wants to be a VS model and wear a sexy halloween costume. You can't just pick and choose who is a whore and who isn't. Sorry but this isn't a "well everyone else does so it should be okay" type of thing. There are lots of people who drink underage, that doesn't make it okay. There are lots of people who steal, that doesn't make it okay. There are lots of people who put down gays for their behavior, that doesn't make it okay.
To me putting down a female because she has sex with more then one person is just like judging a homosexual for being with someone of their own gender. You are putting them down because you think what they are doing it wrong, but who are you to tell them they are wrong?

[Diorette]

I'm sorry, It wasn't my intention to start a discussion like this.

[iRawr]

It isn't the first time she has thrown around the world slut or whore when referencing another woman. If I remember correctly when Demi Lovato had pictures posted on twitter of her in a bra the term slut and whore were thrown around, yet the same poster wants to be a VS model and wear a sexy halloween costume. You can't just pick and choose who is a whore and who isn't. Sorry but this isn't a "well everyone else does so it should be okay" type of thing. There are lots of people who drink underage, that doesn't make it okay. There are lots of people who steal, that doesn't make it okay. There are lots of people who put down gays for their behavior, that doesn't make it okay.
To me putting down a female because she has sex with more then one person is just like judging a homosexual for being with someone of their own gender. You are putting them down because you think what they are doing it wrong, but who are you to tell them they are wrong?

The same question could be asked to you though. Who are you to tell Diorette that she is wrong?

Personally, I don't care what 'most people' think. If a man is going to be going around sleeping with several women, having one night stands, etc etc - I will think of him as a man-whore. I don't care what gender a person is, if I find a certain behavior wrong, then that is just how I view it and it is not going to change just because the person involved finds it okay. There are also several people out there that have sex with every other girl / boy like it's a casual thing, that doesn't make it an okay behavior in my eyes. Obviously, I am no one to tell some random stranger how to live their lives, it is none of my business. But I am entitled to my own opinion, and I don't see anything wrong with it as long as I am not shoving it down anybody's throat.

[whoa]

I am not telling her that it is wrong that she feels that way, but more so that it is rude to come out and say it about people time and time again. There is a difference in feeling and thinking something and coming out and saying it. She will believe what she wants to believe, but from what has been posted in other threads it came off as a little confusing. It isn't just about her though, it is about women in general doing it to other women. Women hate it when men call them sluts or whores, but many are quick to call another woman the same name. I can tell you it hurts just as bad when a woman says it as when a man does.

She is entitled to her opinion, but others are going to give their opinions right back. Her opinion on it doesn't change my opinion of her at all.

[guestgue]

I guess you're right. That's our opinion. I'm very big believer in social and sexual equality so anything that diminishes that is really hard for me to wrap my head around.

However, my main problem was with the inconsistencies. I feel like you can't talk about how you're super conservative in some threads, but talk about participating in really "open" subjects in others. For me it just messes with the sense of credibility.

Plus I just really hate slut-shaming. As a woman, I think it's one of the biggest disservices we do to our gender.

[Rosewynn]

I agree you can't help what you think. However, you can choose not to share. When it's put out there (in a forum or said in the 'real' world) it helps to continue the stereotypes/slut shaming by making others think it's OK for them to say those things too.

[BrunetteBarbie]

We have had the 'slut shaming' discussion many times and it never ends well... Personally, I wouldn't call a woman a slut if she slept with 3 guys in one night. I'm not someone who thinks sex is for two people who are in love and its a special sacred moment~~ If you can take it emotionally, then go for it, sleep with 100 guys for all I care. As long as you're both single and you're having safe sex, great.

However, there are some pretty... trashy girls out there. If you're walking around telling everyone how many dicks you've sucked and who you're going to sleep with next... Yeah, you are trashy and I am probably going to judge you. And I think these are the kind of girls Diorette was referring to, even though she probably shouldn't have used the word 'whores'. If not, I'll just shut up now.

Bye~~

[owwlexandra]

The big statement here is "who are you to tell them they're wrong?" Like a previous poster said that question can be flipped on you as well. I'm not on here to change anyone's opinion, but I am free to state mine and I'm also entitled to mine whether you like it or not. And you all are entitled to your opinions whether I agree with them or not.

And for the last time, I never called anyone a slut. And yes, sleeping with 3 guys is considered promiscuous behavior to most people. I've said it more than once. And just because I said it is to "most people" doesn't mean I see it as an excuse. But that is how society is, and yes that should change.

[iRawr]

The big statement here is "who are you to tell them they're wrong?" Like a previous poster said that question can be flipped on you as well. I'm not on here to change anyone's opinion, but I am free to state mine and I'm also entitled to mine whether you like it or not. And you all are entitled to your opinions whether I agree with them or not.

And for the last time, I never called anyone a slut. And yes, sleeping with 3 guys is considered promiscuous behavior to most people. I've said it more than once. And just because I said it is to "most people" doesn't mean I see it as an excuse. But that is how society is, and yes that should change.

^ This. There is no point trying to argue each other's opinions on this subject because that won't change our views. Sex to me isn't supposed to be so emotionless. In fact, I'm for sex after marriage, for several reasons (not just for religious purpose). But that's an entirely different subject. What is wrong to me may not seem wrong to others, but that isn't going to change my opinion. A person that does drugs is harming nobody but themselves, it is really nobody else's business but most people would see it as a wrong behavior although they would not be the ones involved. Likewise, I personally think that having sex with several different people (or even before marriage) can be harmful to one's self. Again, just how I personally view things.

If someone is going to be going around sexing up every other boyfriend / girlfriend one makes every other week / month, or even some person next door - I will think of it as a 'trashy' behavior. I can be quite feminist, but I'm not going to have double standards on this subject. A guy is going to be just as much of a man-whore to me as a woman. I'm not going to go out and tell these people how to live their lives, unless it's a good friend of mine - I would give him / her a piece of my mind. But that's about it. It's not my problem. But I can give my personal opinion on the subject just as much as a person that says that they don't find anything wrong with such a behavior / lifestyle. As long as we are not shoving our opinions down each other's throats.

[Audacity]

Men simply will not respect you if you sleep around a lot. If women only knew the horrible things that men say behind their backs. My BF tells me and I have some pretty honest guy friends. It's awful. I'm not going to judge anyone for what they do in the bedroom but, men will. It's really as simple as that.

So, even if other women aren't calling you a whore/slut or whatever, just know that there is a group of men who know all of your business. They'll try to get some too.

[GuruBuster]

Omg girls, please watch this video if you want to get accurate information about hymens!

[youtube][/youtube]

Don't be afraid to insist on ''getting in the mood'', aka don't make the same mistakes I did lmao. Ask him to caress you, give you oral sex, stimulate your clitoris and slowly finger you, etc. If you're not lubricated enough or if he just smashes into you, it will hurt and you will bleed, the state of your hymen has nothing to do with it. When I lost my virginity I was in such a hurry and was so shy that I didn't dare ask to be more touched etc. I bled, it hurt, it sucked. And not because he ''popped my cherry'', but because he literally lacerated my vagina and it was still painful and a bit bleeding the next day.

who is this girl?

[guestgue]

Her name is Laci Green. She does videos called sex+ where she talks about a lot of "taboo" subjects. She actually studied a lot of what she talks about when she was in college, so it's not just random stuff she thought up herself.

[SallyCinnamon]

All I have to add is 'protection, protection, protection!' You can get pregnant the first time you have sex, and anytime you have sex! If it's his first time too and he's going to use a condom make sure he knows how to put it on correctly! (There are YT videos on that.)

[RainbowConnection]

Sooo....if it makes a difference to anyone, it happened.

it hurt, not as bad as i thought it would, i barely bled, which was nice, we used protection and it was awesome. I don't regret it, I don't feel sad/shameful, and so yeah, I was ready. so thanks to the people that were helpful and gave advice instead of just judging me, it made a difference

[Diorette]

Sooo....if it makes a difference to anyone, it happened.

it hurt, not as bad as i thought it would, i barely bled, which was nice, we used protection and it was awesome. I don't regret it, I don't feel sad/shameful, and so yeah, I was ready. so thanks to the people that were helpful and gave advice instead of just judging me, it made a difference

Well, I'm glad it went well and that you don't regret it.

But I don't understand why you never answered to the ones asking you for how long have you been with the guy..

[Rosewynn]

It's not like you would you come back and say anything less than, "It was awesome and IN YOUR FACE EVERYONE!111!" though. *shrugs*

[Diorette]

It's not like you would you come back and say anything less than, "It was awesome and IN YOUR FACE EVERYONE!111!" though. *shrugs*

She still thinks that we judged her