Tearing Shit Up With Hitler In A Nightie. Cannes She Get Any Worse? Yes, She Cannes! #42

[LicenseToLurk]

Thausssaaaaaggggeesssss!! These threads move faster than little old me when my monthly My Theresa vouchers turn up!! Lols, adds to cart. It’s moi, Lady Lidl of the Manor and I’m feeling continental, darlings! I’ve hardly been home! Sad face. I’ve been to Capri (where they make the cars, grand pappy used to drive one in the eighties) and to Cannes (Spain) with .. oh I can’t remember! It’s not important! All I know is they made me fly Easy Jet. So not happy. I won’t go again. Oh, I’ve remembered, lols, im kidding of course, it was with my beloved Dior (and some other budget cosmetics company that I wouldn’t touch with a barge pole). What is a barge pole? Oh well, it doesn’t matter! Between you and me it was the cheap company that got me where I was born to be so yasssss THE RED CARPET, BITCHES!! They also did a better job of my makeup than the Dior artiste but let’s not go there. I loovvvveeee Dior & I have to think positive. He shoved my new favourite eye pallet on and didn’t even touch my skin. I looked like a glazed donut when he’d finished with me, lol. Embrace the grease, Lydia. Embrace the grease. It’s Dior babe, DIOR. From the D to the I to the O to the OOOO. My spelling is coming along, chuckle. Karma is a wonderful thing, sighhssss. Those witches on GG can kiss my antiques. Talking of Antiques. I went to ‘Christopher’ Dior’s house! It was just like mine! Super stylish & Tres elegante! Great minds, self assured giggle. The jealous bitches at Dior loaned me such beautiful diaphanous clothes and real actual bags and then didn’t let me keep them. What was the point in going? Raging. I tried to smuggle the saddle bag into my Mary Poppins carpet bag but Vicki grassed on me. No one likes a grass. She’s soooo annoying, she’s proper in with the crew, so is Camelia or whatever her name is. Not that she needs the money. So not fair, she’s stinking rich, so bloody Jel. But I’ve turned a fresh page. No more mean thoughts, just good ones. And pretending to be Sticky Vicki’s friend got me on the trip - I dropped her a WhatsApp (free message) saying/begging that Ali and I would both go, giving Dior double exposure from instagrams hot insta couple. I also told her how beautiful she is and how I aspire to be just like her. I was lying, of course, but it did the trick. In fact, we have both realised that Individually we are each a drip in the ocean, soz, I meant drop. But together, we are the actual ocean and pacifically speaking, I’m being pacific. That’s a new word I’ve learned, I’m so clever. It’s from reading all these books! I steamed through The Hungry Caterpillar in just 3 days! Huzzah! I’ve just started Mr Tickle but I can’t get into it, sigh, too many pages. Anyhoo back to Cannes. I looked amazeballs. My skin was juicy & super glowy, my signature Hitler hair was on point (couldn’t be arsed to wash it, used 2 tins of Batiste to smooth that grease down). And my dress of dreams. My gossamer, chiffon, frilled wet dream, explosion in a net curtain factory, concoction. Like a reject from Strictly, I assumed my position in my rightful place, on the red carpet! Snort, snot bubble. Vicki said I looked like cotton candy from the fair. How lovely. Ali said I looked flames. I don’t know what that means, he’s trying to be street. Twat. I’m also still no speaking to him as he posted an unfiltered unfacetuned pic of me on his story. Much to Vicki’s delight, I’ll wager. Him & Vicki really get along. Do you know she sent her wedding invite to ‘Ali plus one’?. Ha, good one, Vic. She has no idea I loathe her, the skinny cow. But then she called me a powerhouse so once again, it’s the green eyed monster. Daddy said that all my life people would be jealous of me as I’m so beautiful & generous natured with a wonderful spirit. (I think that’s what he said anyhow).

So I’m back home now, with my cats who hate me, lol. Go watch my latest offering on YouTube & have a root through my drawers, lols. I have no shame & I’ll even let you into my bedside tables - racy. My winceyette pyjamas are smoking! Nothing to show you in Ali’s drawers (Lols) as he sleeps in the shed. That’s the agreement. Anyhoo I’m off to bake a cake in the thermoshitz for my weekend high tea party. I’ll serve 5 day old cake to my guests (Carrie). I’ll serve it with water as I don’t know how to make tea and I don’t have a teapot. Someone pwease send me a teapot. And some tea. And tell me how to make it. Oh and a creamer. All bone china please, non of your shit. Don’t forget who I am, but then again, how could you? *conceited peak level smug mode*

I’m actually getting worse and it’s all for you, my Thilly Thausages.

Much love to all the haters from my entitled, shrivelled, blackened heart xoxo

[pasodoble]

Spot the difference. Seriously.


(superb intro )

[blink_fink]

I wish License-To-Lurk would create a Youtube series of parody skits dedicated to everything we talk about here

A comedic expose (Chloe Morello style). Literally would generate more views than all of Lidl's real + fake ones combined

[CBo]

She's scraping the barrel with that bedroom video!

Chuckled at "accent area" and "decorative interior designed area" to describe the chair in the corner of her room

[CBo]

Oh and she doesn't like the shower door...so only option is to get a whole new bathroom

[Misstrunchbull]

3DD70CFE-FCD2-4795-A8FB-85C57E62FC79.jpeg

tAmelia Liana 0.025

[Misstrunchbull]

Oh and she doesn't like the shower door...so only option is to get a whole new bathroom

If they ditched the cushion cupboard hey could make a great wet room. Duh.

[Misstrunchbull]

Spot the difference. Seriously.


(superb intro )

Look at how much filler I’ve had! I’m so expensive. Reference Charles Gross and the filler wars at an after party.

[Misstrunchbull]

Oh and she doesn't like the shower door...so only option is to get a whole new bathroom

If they ditched the cushion cupboard they could make a great wet room. Duh.

[Angeoudemon]

@LicenseToLurk absolutely brilliant!

[Misstrunchbull]

Oh and she doesn't like the shower door...so only option is to get a whole new bathroom

[Misstrunchbull]

Sorry, I’ve reposte by mistake

[beahunny]

Oh and she doesn't like the shower door...so only option is to get a whole new bathroom

I think you mean "three whole new bathrooms". Why would she re-do her bathroom only once? Do you think she is some sort of peasant?

[peasoup]

Lidl and tanya burr have the best thread titles on GG, just brilliant

[Hyacinth]

Lidl and tanya burr have the best thread titles on GG, just brilliant

I agree and I have been enjoying Tati's thread too since the JC scandal

[Iris1969]

Ooh no two Lydia-threads at the same time. Let's race them against each other to the finish line .

[LicenseToLurk]

Ooh no two Lydia-threads at the same time. Let's race them against each other to the finish line .

Nothing to do with me, Iris. It was other kids

[LicenseToLurk]

I wish License-To-Lurk would create a Youtube series of parody skits dedicated to everything we talk about here

A comedic expose (Chloe Morello style). Literally would generate more views than all of Lidl's real + fake ones combined

I seriously wish I had time to do this! I would play the Queen Of Mean myself and relish every moment lol

[GeorgeePorgee]

Ooh no two Lydia-threads at the same time. Let's race them against each other to the finish line .

Can you imagine there being a lydl rave thread

[blink_fink]

I wish License-To-Lurk would create a Youtube series of parody skits dedicated to everything we talk about here

A comedic expose (Chloe Morello style). Literally would generate more views than all of Lidl's real + fake ones combined

I seriously wish I had time to do this! I would play the Queen Of Mean myself and relish every moment lol

Do you know how widely popular this would be? Lydl's ex-followers would love it her current followers wouldn't be able to help but watch it and everyone else who is absolutely done with Influencers would tune in

Although, I do like Chloe Morello