going back to school?
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going back to school?
I've never liked school, and eventually I just sort of stopped going for two years (one year was because of dealing with a family member dying for months and then dealing with the family member actually dying. and the other year is because of reasons explained below.) I showed up at the beginning of the year, enough to skate by, but then disappeared when I couldn't bring myself to do it anymore. This year, my friend wanted me to go back so we could graduate together. (When I went back, I had one less credit than my friend, so they said I would start in 11th grade and have to double my classes in order to graduate. Even though my friend had no problems, which is beside the point, I just don't understand how one credit can make such a huge difference..) We both were accepted, and enrolled, and she was super excited to start going to school together. However, she heard this kid from her old school was enrolled there and she started freaking out. Personal things went down, and she gets panic attacks just thinking about them. She started talking to me about it, and I started throwing out a bunch of advice, and eventually it got to her hinting that she wanted to do work from home (our school is a "hybrid school." it's pretty much all online work, but they want students to go in for the first 2 weeks before they decide whether or not they can do work at home.) she brought it up and then mentioned "but I'd feel like an asshole leaving you alone...", which I then told her to just worry about herself and her own mental health. Since then, she said she was feeling better about the situation. however, I'm freaking out. the only thing that got me into school was reassuring the principal that my friend would be there to keep me on track. I really don't think I can do it on my own. I haven't been diagnosed with anything (my mom doesn't "believe" in doctors, and I wouldn't know how to go about it to see if it's normal or serious) but school just makes me... I just can't. I can't sleep on school nights, I wake up feeling sick, I start panicking and crying, and on the way to school I feel like I'm either going to throw up or shit my pants. my heart races, I can't breathe (there were times where I swear my throat literally closed up for a few seconds because I couldn't inhale no matter how hard I tried and when I finally could again, my throat to make a clicking/popping sound), my stomach hurts, I sweat, I get extremely hot, and I shake. I can't even go to the part of town my school is in on a weekend or else that will happen. It gets so bad, and after a day or two, I start skipping because everything is too much (pretty much what happened in past years.) After my friend said she was feeling better, she just stopped talking to me (her boyfriend was probably with her, so I don't really blame her but still), so I don't know what else to do other than ask for advice on here. I don't really even have specific questions, I just need advice.
Re: going back to school?
This isn't really advice, but more personal experience.
I had a lot of anxiety in middle school and high school. I was okay at first, but towards the end of my first year of middle school, I got very anxious and could barely leave the house sometimes. I ended up falling far behind and barely passing. Made it to 8th grade, and it got worse. I made it half the year, got put on probation for truancy and the school threatened my parents and tried to deem them unfit parents. I tried a lot of alternative schooling, home based schooling, and one on one with teachers. That stuff scared me more than just regular school. Eventually I had to be put through major counseling to prove to the court I wasn't faking. I was an out patient at a medical Centre with kids who had real problems, not just silly me with anxiety and didn't wanna go to school... It was scary. That only lasted a month I think. I was on probation for a year.
I eventually took the equivalent of our state test to pass 8th grade (not sure why they allowed that.) and they let me into highschool. I went to high school even less. When I was there I would go to the special education teachers lounge where I was told to go if I was uncomfortable. It was a mess. Eventually the court told me I either home school or I go to girl school and get taken away from my parents. So I ended up dropping out of highschool a year early and "home schooled". Which they didn't check on at all.
I got my GED with honors in Science and just short of honors in English. I went to college for a year and a half but I still couldn't do the school thing. My anxiety has gotten a lot better since. It's been almost 10 years since I left highschool. I don't regret it at all. I got a job a year after I left. It helped me tremendously.
TL;DR school isn't for everyone. Forcing people to do things isn't good for their mental health.
I had a lot of anxiety in middle school and high school. I was okay at first, but towards the end of my first year of middle school, I got very anxious and could barely leave the house sometimes. I ended up falling far behind and barely passing. Made it to 8th grade, and it got worse. I made it half the year, got put on probation for truancy and the school threatened my parents and tried to deem them unfit parents. I tried a lot of alternative schooling, home based schooling, and one on one with teachers. That stuff scared me more than just regular school. Eventually I had to be put through major counseling to prove to the court I wasn't faking. I was an out patient at a medical Centre with kids who had real problems, not just silly me with anxiety and didn't wanna go to school... It was scary. That only lasted a month I think. I was on probation for a year.
I eventually took the equivalent of our state test to pass 8th grade (not sure why they allowed that.) and they let me into highschool. I went to high school even less. When I was there I would go to the special education teachers lounge where I was told to go if I was uncomfortable. It was a mess. Eventually the court told me I either home school or I go to girl school and get taken away from my parents. So I ended up dropping out of highschool a year early and "home schooled". Which they didn't check on at all.
I got my GED with honors in Science and just short of honors in English. I went to college for a year and a half but I still couldn't do the school thing. My anxiety has gotten a lot better since. It's been almost 10 years since I left highschool. I don't regret it at all. I got a job a year after I left. It helped me tremendously.
TL;DR school isn't for everyone. Forcing people to do things isn't good for their mental health.
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Re: going back to school?
OP - Will you be able to take online classes from home just as your friend plans to do? I'm sorry to hear your mom doesn't believe in western medicine because having a diagnosis could really benefit you. Even if you weren't prescribed anxiety meds you could always see a behavioral or cognitive psychologist. What about the school? Is there a guidance counselor you'd feel comfortable talking to?