Inappropriate touching?

[fauxfox]

If I were a perverted guy and I got caught, I'd act like nothing happened too. There's no way in hell, unless he's literally mentally retarded, perhaps, that he doesn't know that what he was doing was totally wrong. He's just waiting for this to blow over before seeing if he can get away with it again. Or he'll find some other outlet. A "mistake" doesn't happen multiple times.

[sapage89]

No. He is a grown man. He knew that what he was doing is completely wrong, there is no way that you can accidentally put your hand underneath someone's bra. Is there another relative or maybe a friend you can stay with for a while? Chances are, he will try it again. I was raped a few years back and somehow my mom made me feel guilty like it was my fault or something like that. Don't feel like that. You've done nothing wrong. If your mom is making you feel like that, tell someone else as hard as it may be. Get yourself out of that situation!

[girlwiththehair]

fauxfox: That's what I told my mom. Unless he's dumber than a box of rocks, how could he not have known it was wrong?


sapage89: I'm sorry that happened to you and that your mom made you feel like it was your fault. My mom isn't making me feel like it's my fault, at all (she even told me to never blame myself). I just think she doesn't want to believe the man she loves could possibly be a pervert. So she's trying to make herself believe that in his eyes it was innocent or somehow a mistake.

Anyway, call me naive, but I don't think he's going to try anything else with me. He's got too much to lose.

[cheesedanish]

OP, how's everything going? Are you okay?

[iheartyou]

Just found this thread and holy shit do I have some things to add...

This individual knows EXACTLY what he's doing. Don't EVER second guess yourself when someone inappropriately touches you. Once you start thinking you're overreacting or he's "clueless" to what he's doing, you're being manipulated. And manipulation is key for them to successfully continue victimizing someone.

Is he a drinker? Does he have any addictions that you know of? (It doesn't have to be a substance problem. It could be gambling, exercising, workaholic tendencies, etc.)

I'm happy to hear you told your mom and she sounds like she believes you. However, I'm worried that your mom is being manipulated too. I highly doubt you're the first person he's ever molested. (I know that's a gross and harsh word but that's what he was doing.) Keep a strong circle of loved ones around you and slowly distance yourself from him. I hope you have people you can confide in, and please let us know how you're doing.

Sending love and strength to you and your mom...

[balletslippers]

Something similar like this happened to me when I was 17 and sadly, I let it go because I thought it was my fault (for what I was wearing). It doesn't help to hold it in and not seek help from others.

Long story short: I was in leggings and was getting up from my chair after dinner and had one of my uncles slap my a** as I got up. I was so mortified that I kept it to myself and he did it again, and again. I told my parents but they told me he was probably joking. Years later, I'm still extremely traumatized and I will always ask to be seated the end of the table where no one sits to either of me.

I hope that this isn't the calm before the storm for you and that everything goes well. Your stepdad is grown ass man and he needs to own up to what he's doing. It's absolutely disgusting and inappropriate. You are NOT overreacting and have every right to come forward.

My prayers are with you, OP!

[ItsRawrzz]

I agree with everyone and that he mmustvhave known how wrong it was. Not only because your his step daughter (which is disgusting in its own rigght) but because why would he touch someone in that way who wasn't his wife etc.

I'm glad your mum believed you though. Thatsreally good. And I can understand why he'd act like it never happened too.

Something a little similaar happebedd to me when I was 14 or 15 with my mum's boyfriend. I used to give hugs and kisses to my mum and this boyfriend thought I should do the sane for him. I did hug him, and a kiss on the cheek, but when my mum was not in the room and I gave him a hug goodnight he always tried to give me a kiss that was much more than a family sort of kiss. It never felt right and I would try to push away but he would just hold me. It sometimes escalated to touching under the bottom of my top as well and it really left me confused.

I never said anything but one evening my mum walked into the living room and saw him and me. What I believe was worse than all of the things that man did was that even when she saw it, my mum blamed it on me because somehow it was my fault. She made excuses for him, such as saying he had ADHD and that's why he didn't know... I believed it and it was me who ended up apologising to her even though it was his fault. I avoided him as best as I could after that. He never got tmo try it again and he and my mum broke up less thann a year later wwhich was a relief for me.

But the whole thing really messed me up for a long time. I never could kiss my Ex-boyffriend more than a peck on he lips and I really struggled to allow any sort of playful touching. I'm 20 now and only since April have I been relaxed when being passionate or playful.

Keep around a group of people you trust that you can confide on and make sure they stay in the loop so they can do what's needed to help you. Take care, and stay safe!

[Guest]

OP - hope you are okay!!! Give us an update when you can!

[girlwiththehair]

Update:

Hey guys, it's been a while.

So, I was trying to forgive my stepdad and move on from this, but he makes it so hard. A few weeks ago he started "play slapping" me, which I don't like. I told him to STOP, but he kept on. I sat on the floor to use my dog as a shield (I knew he wouldn't hurt her), and he just proceeded to push my head down to the carpet and hold it. I snapped . He freaked out and begged me to forgive him. He was like, "Do you really think I'd hurt you? You know I was just playing. I hate when you're mad at me". He followed me into my room and wouldn't leave til I said I said I forgave him. I know it's because he didn't want my mom to get involved.

He's pathetic. I really can't stand him. Last December he asked me if he could legally adopt me. I said yes cause I knew it would make my mom happy, but forget that now. Never gonna happen. He better not ask again. I don't even want his last name. There has been a couple of inappropriate incidents since the last time I posted, but I keep telling myself that I'm just overreacting/nitpicking. It doesn't matter anyway. All I can do is save up so I can move out.

[TheStrokes]

I've kept tabs on this thread and what you wrote is very troubling. Please don't think that I am being harsh; I mean this with the utmost care.
You need to speak with your mother again. You mentioned the prior incidents to her, and I think you should mention these, too. I'm sorry this is happening to you, and frankly it's a bit disturbing how this is still going on even though your mother attempted to intervene. And it's even more upsetting that she hasn't left your step-father yet. He is hurting you. She knows that. Her concern should be on YOU. You are her flesh and blood. You need to tell her everything.
Please update us.

[girlwiththehair]

I've kept tabs on this thread and what you wrote is very troubling. Please don't think that I am being harsh; I mean this with the utmost care.
You need to speak with your mother again. You mentioned the prior incidents to her, and I think you should mention these, too. I'm sorry this is happening to you, and frankly it's a bit disturbing how this is still going on even though your mother attempted to intervene. And it's even more upsetting that she hasn't left your step-father yet. He is hurting you. She knows that. Her concern should be on YOU. You are her flesh and blood. You need to tell her everything.
Please update us.

I don't think you're being harsh, at all. I agree with you.

The reason I haven't bothered telling her about these recent incidents is because a while after I told her about the first one, I realized how much of a hypocrite she is. My brother, who lives with our grandma and step-grandpa told my mom about some really weird, inappropriate things our step-grandpa said to him. Long story short: My mom was not happy. She kept on saying how she was done with him, and how she wishes her mom would open her eyes, and blah blah blah. The whole time I was thinking, "Seriously, mom?!!!".

When my step-dad does something wrong she's all like, "Jesus says to forgive", but when her step-dad does something wrong, forgiveness isn't even an option. She's a hypocrite . That's why I haven't told her about anything else that's happened. What's the point? I don't want to hear her BS forgiveness lecture. I'm just going to keep record of everything that's happened. Just in case.

[VeronicaSawyer]

I really think it is time to tell someone else. This is not fair to you at all and it shouldn't be happening. Getting an outside party involved (like your local organization for abuse victims, or even the police...) would help a lot, or at least be a wake up call. Yes, it might make your mom angry, but something needs to be done. You should be her top priority and eventually (hopefully) she will realize that. I'm genuinely sorry that you have to go through this.


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[girlwiththehair]

I don't think these incidents are ~serious~ enough to get the police involved though. I feel like they'd just tell me to move out since I'm 23. I don't know...This may be stupid of me, but I'm just going to wait til he does something else. Then I will talk to my mom again. If she still feels that he's worth being with after that, well, shame on her. All I know is that when I move out, I'm not talking to him anymore.

[Nesoi]

I don't think these incidents are ~serious~ enough to get the police involved though. I feel like they'd just tell me to move out since I'm 23. I don't know...This may be stupid of me, but I'm just going to wait til he does something else. Then I will talk to my mom again. If she still feels that he's worth being with after that, well, shame on her. All I know is that when I move out, I'm not talking to him anymore.

Set up a camera in your room , tape him and take it to the police Tell your mum to divorce him he sounds like a real creep.

[Loilee]

If he's still messing with you even after your mum intervened then what's going to stop him doing it to another girl? Or even your other family members? He is obviously very manipulative.

I know it's got to be difficult for your mum to accept her husband's a perverted freak. You said she had trouble with her own step dad, and now the man she trusted to be a step father to you is abusing you then that's got to be hard for her - but that is not an excuse. She is down-playing the whole thing and hoping he'll just stop and it'll all go away.
You said that she said she told him to 'stop with the kisses and cuddles' which disturbs me kind of - they weren't just kisses and cuddles, they were assault.

I would suggest you at least tell your aunt/grand parents and go and stay with them, because it sounds like it's not going to stop unless he's gone and you need somewhere safe to stay until your mum comes to her senses.

I hope I'm not being too harsh, but I really am worried for you.

[beautygurublogger]

Update?

[beautygurublogger]

update?

[vanillablue]

totally agree with the second to last post... move out to a close aunt or something before it gets worse...

small things like this can lead to rape and manipulation... feel free to ask for help here... we're here for you...

PS i'd put laxatives in his food or tea tree oil in his eye/nose drops....before u leave...he needs to be taught a lesson who does he think he is....for the mean time avoid going near him...

[vanillablue]

Does this guy even have a job? he behaves like a child who has 'other' issues he knows what he's doing is wrong dnt let him fool u

what does ur mom see in him?

[girlwiththehair]

Update:

I told my mom about the other stuff creepy stuff he's done, and I swear it's like unless he touches my vagina or rapes me she's never going to see it as wrong. She's so freaking dumb. I have tried to see things from her point of view, but that hasn't helped. I'd like to believe that if my husband put his hand under my daughter's bra, I would leave his ass and expose him as a pervert.

She thinks that because he cries and regrets stuff that he can't possibly have bad intentions. Look at part of this email she sent me.

Trust me when I say Ed knows he's made wrongs in his life.. We've talked about our faults and how giving his
heart to God has been life changing. We talk about how he misses all his kids and how he wishes he could do things differently. We talk about what a great kid/adult you are. Krystal we talk and we cry together about making sure we make things right for you and Mitchell. How he'd love for his children to forgive him for a minute and talk to him face to face at least one more time. The list goes on about stuff we talk about that no one knows about.I know he's being sincere unless I'm absolutely stupid and he's a great actor and putting on an act 24/7.

This is why I am hurting even more!

The whole "giving his heart to God" things pisses me off because he supposedly had already given his heart to God when he was being a sneaky pervert!

Also none of that had anything to do with the email I sent her. I asked her if she would be ok if her stepdad did that to her and she didn't answer me!!