Anyone else with eating disorders? How do you cope?

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Anyone else with eating disorders? How do you cope?

Post by Guest »

Hey guys! I'm new here so I hope I posted this in the right place.

Does anyone else have eating disorders they struggle with? What do you do to cope?
I have anorexia ( I am not underweight yet though ) and sever body dysmorphia. The worst part is in my country mental health is not taken seriously and it's really hard for me to seek professional help. I have told friends and family about my problem and they do not take it seriously, they just say I am fishing for compliments. But sadly I don't, I see myself completely disorted in the mirror and I desperately want to lose weight. I don't really know what to do. I feel really depressed and ashamed after I eat, I count my calories every day ( I try to eat max 1200 kcals/ day ) and I obsessively look into mirrors every chance I get.

sorry for the rand I just felt really overwhelmed and needed to tell someone

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Re: Anyone else with eating disorders? How do you cope?

Post by Mischief »

As long as I remember I've dealt with body dysmorphia along with depression and diagnosed with PCOS out of my teens. As a child I was never really super chubby just a little. I was pretty active with swimming and diving as sports. As I became older I became more self conscious and stopped going to the pool. Teenage years I struggled with self love and self esteem so I became anorexic and worked out 24/7 non-stop. Quickly began getting a high from all the reactions of everyone saying how great I looked even though behind the scenes I was only drinking water and eating a cracker or banana a day. I went from a size 14 down to a size 0 in two months and I kept up that routine for years to continue receiving positive feedback from peers . Fast forward to adulthood when I was diagnosed with PCOS and was gaining weight drastically even though my intake of food was not increased. This really took a toll on my mental state because I felt like I failed and no matter what I was doing the weight kept increasing. I became a binge eater when stressed out and feeling ugly. It's a constant battle for me I deal with daily and it's always on my mind. I cannot eat really in public because I feel like everyone is watching me like I'm the fat girl who needs to be on a diet. The truth is I hardly even eat .. on a typical day I skip breakfast and lunch usually only eat dinner. I often will fast and just not eat at all to lose weight. PCOS makes it really difficult to lose body weight so I tend to take extreme measures to force my body to lose the fat.

I am not happy at all with how I look and feel. Even though people tell me I am attractive or look pretty I don't believe it at all and I don't think I will ever love myself in regards to appearance. On the flip side if someone in my life puts me down or calls me ugly or fat I will believe those words and I will carry the pain with me for a long time. I can go on about food and mental health but I personally don't cope the best way. I know I don't cope the best way. And I really just don't want to talk about it with counselor because it's embarrassing for me to mention my weight. I at least am aware of my issue with food and body dysmorphia and know when I view myself in pictures or see the reflection in the mirror is not always reality. I will always imagine myself a certain way and I know it's not real. I am too hard on myself most the time. Something that I have been working on is trying to give myself a break and not being so judgemental. It's very true when they say we are our worst critics.
And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed...Just to get it all out, what's in my head...And I, I am feeling a little peculiar...And so I wake in the morning and I step outside...And I take a deep breath and I get real high...And I scream from the top of my lungs..."What's going on?"...

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