Pet cat death - not coping

[SallyCinnamon]

I had my cat put to sleep after I found out she had advanced cancer, and now I feel so guilty. She was 14 years old and I realised that I couldn't afford to pay for treatment that could save her. I had insurance but because of her age and the necessary treatment I would have had to pay more than I could manage. I tried cat's charities but no-one could help me. I feel terrible because I spoiled her silly in the few days between her diagnosis and losing her, and she was so happy and content. She was still eating, drinking, using her litter box, walking. She just had trouble with stairs, and her breathing looked shallow and rapid, judging by the movements of her abdomen.

She freaked out when she was euthanized, I was holding her - she was staring at me like she couldn't believe I was letting her get hurt, and I can't get past the massive feelings of guilt. I'm sure she had more time left. I hate being in the house, she was put to sleep here, and i just see her last awful moments. I can't move on from this. I really feel I had her killed. She could still be enjoying the sunshine, instead I'm waiting for her ashes to come home.

Can anyone help me? I feel like an evil bitch. I didn't want her to suffer, but I went too far the other way, and ended her life while she still seemed happy living it. I don't know what to do. I'm having trouble sleeping, no appetite for about a week, and when I do forget for a second I think I hear her and it all comes flooding back

[EstherIngram]

I know it's hard to believe it now, but time will heal all wounds. Sometimes there's only so much a person can do to help their loved ones and you did your best. You couldn't have paid for her treatment, which might not have even worked in the end. It might have seemed that she was feeling better, but she might have been hiding the pain or was distracted from it by the way you were spoiling her. In the end, you know you did the right thing.

There's nothing that you or anyone can do to make you feel better. After a while you'll just learn to cope. I would suggest adopting another cat from a shelter to fill in the void, but that is wholly a personal choice.

I hope you feel better. I know losing a pet is rough.

[SallyCinnamon]

Thank you:) Maybe I will get another cat at some point. I'm making a photobook of her, it's keeping me busy in the evenings until I can trust myself to socialise without randomly bursting into tears!

[incognito]

Don't be too hard on yourself, you did what you thought was best for her. I think 14 is around the average lifespan for a cat, so even if you could have afforded treatment, she could have passed away from old age right after. I'm sure she had a happy life since you clearly care about her so much, and you were with her right up until the end. Losing a pet just really sucks no matter what the situation, but it will eventually start to suck less and less as time goes on. Hang in there!

[Kleineganz]

I'm sorry for your loss. I recently lost a kitty as well and having feelings of guilt, but for other reasons. I found him passed away and I had been so busy that day I hadn't checked on him in over 12 hours. I feel guilty for not checking on him sooner.

It looked like he'd had a heart attack. He was only 10 and looked to be in good health the last time I'd seen him alive.

Anyway, just saying your not alone. *hugs*

[Sickling]

Oh honey, I really feel for you. Please don't blame yourself, I know it must be so hard. I've got a little kitten of my own (well, she's 10 months old) and I love her with all my heart, I've raised her since she was 6 weeks old and boy, we've had some bloody hard times and I've considered letting her go to another home before but I'm so glad I didn't. I can't offer you heaps of advice because I've only had two pets go to Heaven, one due to a stroke and the other had a brain tumor and I had to have her put down because she was paralyzed. While you are finding things hard, maybe you could volunteer at a local cat shelter - it won't be the same as having a new kitty, but you'll be helping little furry things that need you. And maybe that will help take your mind off things. It's actually kitten season right now so shelters would probably love your help!

Remember, don't torture yourself with memories of your cat, be happy about them. You loved your cat and she loved you.