Fresh Start / Reinventing Yourself

[Angie V]

Have you ever gotten tired of the same boring routine, or your environment, or clothes, or whatever? I feel like I'm stuck in a rut and have been for a WHILE, but it always feels like changing things now would be out of nowhere and awkward. Has anyone else experienced this? It's like I'd have to explain myself to the people who know me or something. I don't know, it's a weird thing.

But this August, my sister and I are moving! I feel like it's the perfect opportunity to do what I want and start fresh without any baggage. I'm going to purge my possessions and start fresh. We're getting an apartment (renting obviously) and I'll finally have my own room after having to share one while at school (I'm graduating college in May), and I won't be bringing any furniture except maybe a dresser because we're moving too far to bring a lot of stuff. I'm going to save up and buy new things and minimize the clutter. I can decorate my room however I want and finally have privacy! I can't wait. I'll donate and give away most of my things like clothes I don't identify with anymore, and start to slowly gather clothes that I actually want to wear because I like them and not because I feel like I have to wear them because of what people's perceptions are of me (since I'll know no one besides my sister when we move). I can't wait for this fresh start!

Have you ever done this? Would you want to? What would you do if you could?

[HattieChaos]

I'm also moving away in August. Not that far, from central Scotland to the south coast of England, but I'm only 16 and I'm doing it alone so it's still a big deal. I am also attempting to "reinvent" myself, I've even changed my name in preparation. I 100% hate who I am right now and I hate my environment and how people look at me, so this is the perfect opportunity to change all that, and right before I start sixth form and then go onto uni as well - I feel it's an awesome time and I'm very lucky to have such an opportunity at such a young age, so I will be forever thankful to my best friend for that. The main reason for the move, and the thing I am anticipating the most, is that hopefully this will help to treat my depression in a big way because I will no longer be in an abusive environment or around constant reminders about my past. I'm not naive, I know depression is a flaw in brain chemistry and that it will be around forever, and I know what has happened to me before is never going to just pack up and go away like I will, but a change in environment really is what I need and even my therapist agrees.

[Angie V]

That's good to hear, Hattie! When you say you changed your name, what do you mean exactly? (You don't have to say what it is, but like... did you change your first and last name? Did you do it legally or just what people call you? etc. if you don't mind). I know exactly what you mean when you say that you don't like yourself and want a new start.

[BellaJane]

I tried the whole "reinventing myself" when I went to college, but what happened was that I wasn't actually being myself anymore. It was like an act I was putting on. I pulled it off for a few months before I finally said "Fuck it, this is exhausting." I don't think anyone should ever reinvent themselves...people should just be themselves. But fresh starts are different than reinventing yourself. Fresh starts are wonderful. I think that is when you actually have the chance to be yourself and to be happy with who you are, instead of just making yourself into who you think you should be.

[HattieChaos]

That's good to hear, Hattie! When you say you changed your name, what do you mean exactly? (You don't have to say what it is, but like... did you change your first and last name? Did you do it legally or just what people call you? etc. if you don't mind). I know exactly what you mean when you say that you don't like yourself and want a new start.

I changed my first and last, and I have to be a British Citizen before I legally change it through the deed poll (I've currently got Portuguese citizenship) so I can only change it after I afford the citizenship change, which will probably be a while - maybe when I'm 18 if I'm lucky because it really is quite expensive and I can't afford it just yet. I think Portuguese people can change their name too, but it probably involves directly going to the country and I really want to change citizenship so I may as well do both at the same time. Basically the way I'm going about it is just taking care of all my official stuff with my original name and then whenever it's something like school where they're going to be calling my name often, it's easy to just mention how I'm going by a different name out of preference and they start calling me by that instead. It would have been a lot weirder to do if I was staying here, but it's easy with my college applications etc. down in England because these aren't people that knew me before so it's not like I'm walking into someplace where they've known me for ages and being like "Oh you have to call me this now". It's a name my friends have been calling me since I was about 13 so it comes easy to them anyway, it wasn't just a radical out-of-the-blue thing. My last name was a recent change though, because I decided I didn't want to keep ties with my family so I invented a new last name.

[Angie V]

I tried the whole "reinventing myself" when I went to college, but what happened was that I wasn't actually being myself anymore. It was like an act I was putting on. I pulled it off for a few months before I finally said "Fuck it, this is exhausting." I don't think anyone should ever reinvent themselves...people should just be themselves. But fresh starts are different than reinventing yourself. Fresh starts are wonderful. I think that is when you actually have the chance to be yourself and to be happy with who you are, instead of just making yourself into who you think you should be.

That's a good point. I don't think of reinventing yourself as not being yourself, though. I think of it more like.... you become who you want to be. Sometimes people just don't like themselves but are scared to be who they actually want to be because of outside pressure. I feel like... it's hard to explain lol. If you don't like how you are but you've been this way forever, people know you as that. So when you change (not really completely becoming a different person, but just a better version of yourself and who you actually want to be), a lot of the time the people around you don't accept it right away and question it and it can be weird and awkward. I don't blame anyone, it's just how it is. But it would be nice to not have to explain yourself, you know what I mean? It would be nice to just be able to .... be who you want to be and not have the baggage of who you used to be hanging on.

[inventive]

Yeah, definitely, I mean I changed my wardrobe at the end of the 2012 and went for clothes that were more indie/streetwear/surfwear (my style is closest to that of the characters in the film "Submarine (2010)") and less girly. So far I've lost 20 lbs (9kg) and I plan to lose another 24 lbs (11kg) and cut my hair pixie short (it's down past my chest now). I'm in the process of slowly cutting off contact with people I can't tolerate, especially toxic family friends. I'm socialising more and trying to be more forgiving and less idealistic and, most importantly, less sensitive. I'm really in the process of achieving goals and I don't care what people think of me at the moment because I'm just very happy that I'm making a change and sticking to it.

[well wait idk]

ive been reinventing my physical appearance for about 2 years now, losing weight (about 30 pounds) and getting in great shape with the confidence ive gained, i feel like a totally new person. im actually making friends in college and being outgoing! ive gotten a lot of new clothes, stuff i wouldve never worn before (like heels); ive never been like that. im loving the new me

[thismustbetheplace]

I reinvented myself in college. This sounds kind of bad, but I noticed that guys weren't into me, so I started acting (and dressing) like the type of person that the guys who I wanted to attract would be into. Like I still had the same basic personality but I became less inhibited and shy and more like traditionally "feminine" I guess (I used to have body image issues and would wear men's clothes all the time). Now I have an awesome boyfriend who I can actually be myself around. I was also very insecure and now I'm still insecure about some things, like my career, but I have learned not to give a f*ck about lots of things I used to really care about, like whether most people liked me or not. It's difficult but you can do it if you really want to.

[inventive]

ive been reinventing my physical appearance for about 2 years now, losing weight (about 30 pounds) and getting in great shape with the confidence ive gained, i feel like a totally new person. im actually making friends in college and being outgoing! ive gotten a lot of new clothes, stuff i wouldve never worn before (like heels); ive never been like that. im loving the new me

Awww, you sound so so adorable! I'm so happy for you!

[incognito]

I tried the whole "reinventing myself" when I went to college, but what happened was that I wasn't actually being myself anymore. It was like an act I was putting on. I pulled it off for a few months before I finally said "Fuck it, this is exhausting." I don't think anyone should ever reinvent themselves...people should just be themselves. But fresh starts are different than reinventing yourself. Fresh starts are wonderful. I think that is when you actually have the chance to be yourself and to be happy with who you are, instead of just making yourself into who you think you should be.

I also had problems when I "reinvented myself" at college. I made a bunch of friends who I ended up having a ton of problems with, and halfway through the first semester they abandoned me and I was totally alone, a thousand miles from home. Then I went back to being myself, and gradually made real friends, but it was still an awful experience to go through. So I agree - just be who you are, not who you think you should be.

[Lucet]

I'm not reinventing myself, but I'm also moving (abroad, or back to where I come from ). My move will be from Ireland back to Lithuania. I've been pretty unhappy for the past year since I graduated university here. It went from "I'll stay here for another 3 years" to "I'll stay here for another year and a half" to "I'll stay here until July" .
I had few nervous breakdowns in public (and few at home) at the beginning of the year when my aunt was visiting us. I was acting like a complete b*tch to my mom and some people around me. Well, honestly, there was a reason for that because she wasn't supporting my decision to move back and it felt awful because I wanted my mom to be like "go on, do your thing, try something new - if you won't succeed you can always come back and start fresh!

I felt stuck. My life wasn't going anywhere and it felt horrible. I'm not saying that I'm moving back home for good, you'll never know, but I definitely do not want to live in Ireland right now.