Feeling Unloved

[AnusPepper1]

This is mainly just to went, but I would love comments as well. Be warned that this is going to seem very whiny to many of you. I've fallen in love with two guys before. I'll call the first guy Bob, and the second guy Joe. I went through the same thing with both of them. They both had an ex girlfriend who had dumped them and completely broke their hearts. I have no idea why they were head over heals for these girls. I know everyone has their own taste, but I knew these girls personally, and I just can't imagine wanting to be with them at all. Then again, people fall in love with people who treat them badly all the time. I had an on and off relationship with both of them. I always tried being myself the first couple times. They never loved me for who I was, so with both of them, I resorted to trying so hard to be what I thought they wanted (including trying to copy their ex girlfriends that they had been in love with before). I knew in the back of my mind that I couldn't keep pretending to be someone else if the relationship lasted, but I was so desperate and in denial. I told myself I could change and truly be what they wanted after a while instead of just faking it. They both told me they loved me at some point (Joe did this twice), but decided after a few days or so that they had changed their minds. I think Joe had good intentions, but was just confused and wanted to love me. Joe even tried to love me, but told me he just couldn't. Bob found a girl after our breakup that he was so in love with, and is still with. Joe dated a girl for a couple years after we broke up. She was his world to him, but she cheated on him. He was extremely angry, but said he couldn't resist taking her back. Then, she dumped him for the guy she cheated on him with. We dated again, and you already know it didn't work out. He told me he wanted to love me, but couldn't force his feelings. He's now dating another girl that constantly causes fights and other problems in their relationship. He loves her to death, and no matter how many times they break up and get back together, he always loves her. He's heartbroken when they aren't together. He never felt that way about me in between relationships. I think he only tried to love me was because he felt I was his only option. I know it was only two guys,but it hurts to know that I tried being myself, and tried so hard to be what I thought they wanted, but they just couldn't love or even have strong feelings for me. And those other girls either mistreated them or can't get along with them. Bob and Joe still preferred them over me.

[YouslessTube]

Girl I totally feel your pain, ill explain why, i ALSO dated just 2 guys in my lifetime (not at the same time) the first guy was a complete utter douchebag & i don't wish death on my worst enemy but i hope he dies a miserable death. basically i got stuck with a player, as it was my first relationship i didn't know anything about the games guys play or how manipulative they can be & how they go around cheating, i was naive & got played badly. he treated me like crap, was emotionally abusive & manipulative, always checked my phone, called to know where i was, told me to name all my guy friends, even if it was 4pm or 4am he demanded to speak to a family member in order to make sure i was home cause he was the one out cheating on me with his OWN FUCKING (female) ROOMMATE. he was a druggie, drunkard & a chain smoker. he used to make me pay for his alcohol. he forced me to have sex, which i DENIED cause i didnt want to lose my virginity to a scumbag. he started dating his room mate & made it obvious to me, he was so sadistic he didn't even breakup with me & strung me along saying shit about her to me. the last straw was when his roomie started living with his at his parents house WTF? then i broke up with him. glad i got out early within 8 months. basically he fucked with my emotions & mentally scarred me so much that i lost out on a good guy which was my 2nd relationship which lasted 3months only. now this guy & i had fights, he was a little uneducated but great at heart, he treated me like one of his guy friends ya know? like he'd casually cuss me out & call me names & he'd make offensive jokes thinking id not be mad but he was caring & nice too. he was there for me most of the times but because of our fights i mistook him to be an asshole like the 1st guy & broke up with him. 5 yrs later & i still regret it & havent been able to get into a relationship as i fear relationships now. the first asshole married his ugly roomie who's a convicted theif & the 2nd guy is dating an UGLY chick who makes him work for her as a driver, assistant, photographer etc with no pay.

the thing is - nothing's wrong with you - the guys perception of the perfect girl is skewed. they love the fights & drama, some people love having a rollercoaster relationship, some people cant seem to love peace like us! it took me a long ass time to realise that as long as im true to myself & not acting like a shady bitch - nothing is wrong with me, it's the guy who's at fault for choosing a defective partner.

[AnusPepper1]

Thank you SO much for telling me your story. I really do appreciate it. It really helps that I can vent and relate without being called whiny, pathetic, or given the "starving kids in Africa have it so much worse" speech. And by the way, Joe's ex girlfriend and current girlfriend are ugly as hell in my opinion. Both Joe and Bob's other girlfriends were just okay at best. I didn't want to seem like a bitch for saying it, but I'm actually glad you called that you called the new girlfriend ugly. Joe and I once rated each other's looks on a scale from one to ten, and he gave me a five saying I was just average (he was just being honest, and I think he has good intentions). Like I said, everyone has their own taste, but I couldn't help feeling bad that he thought all of these other girls were gorgeous while I was just average. By the way, you should be proud of yourself for getting through those situations. Bob was a manipulative douche, but nothing compared to your guys. Joe was a pretty good guy who I think was genuinely confused when he said he loved me. They mainly just hurt my self esteem.

[YouslessTube]

I'm glad you're hopefully over them now, no guy is worth that hurts your self-esteem. where are you now relationship wise? like are you seeing someone or? I personally thought of trying online dating but that turned out to be a disaster. the few guys i met were total loons!

[AnusPepper1]

I'm definitely over Bob. I'm not 100% sure about Joe. I think I miss the relationship (when it was still happy) rather than actually missing him. I do get jealous, but it's because of my stupid pride, and the fact that I want to be loved. I think I just want love from someone that I also have very strong feelings for. It isn't one of those situations where I feel like I don't want anyone but him. Also, I forgot to mention that the girl he dated right after me was one of my best friends at the time. They admitted to liking each other, but I acted like it was fine and told them they had my blessing. I did that because my pride got in the way again. I wanted everyone to think I didn't care one bit because I was over him, that I was the really cool, drama-free ex, and I knew keeping them apart (they weren't going to date if I wasn't ok with it) wouldn't make them stop having feelings for each other. It hurt my relationship with both of them because I was still secretly a basket case, and I had to stay away from them to heal. Another thing that upsets me (which is a really strange coincidence) is that all of these girls I've talked about pretty much only have long lasting relationships where the guy is head over heals for them, and they are never the ones who get dumped. I know this stuff because I went to school with all of them in a tiny little town where everyone knows everyone and all of their personal business. I'm going to stop rambling now. I obviously have a lot of issues, but I'm working really hard on overcoming them, and I've made some progress. I can't tell you how much I appreciate you letting me get all of this off my chest and being supportive.