Backstory: my ex and I began seeing each other in May 2015. We slept together for four months without defining our "relationship" at all (I was waiting for him to make the first move). In the middle of August, he tells me he loves me, the next day he gets into a motorcycle accident and refused to go to the hospital that night (ex military, he thinks he's a tough guy). So the next day he finally agrees to go to the hospital (he could barely walk/put his boots on, he's 6"4 I'm 5"6 so getting him out the door was a challenge) we finally get to the hospital, get him into a bed, and my phone was dead at this point so I figured while he was getting X-rays done I'd use his phone to call work and tell them I wasn't coming in. Instead, I find these text messages from this girl dating back to the last 4 months. Very suggestive and clearly VERY friendly messages.
I confronted him about it that night after I was a little calmer and gave him a week to decide whether or not he wanted to be with me. He decided our relationship was something he (key word) wanted to pursue and we pretty much had a great relationship for the next 5 months despite many a hardship and overall bad luck.
Problem: I went away for a few days with family at the end of December and for the first couple days of the new year. When I got back my bf was acting super distant and just like he didn't care anymore. I was supposed to see him over the weekend like I usually do, but he tells me Friday night he's out of town for work when the rest of the week he never mentioned going away. Then Saturday rolls around and he asks that morning if he'll see me later that night. Being upset about the Friday issue I said no and that we needed to talk in person on Sunday morning about some things (us) since I figured if I'm upset that he kept blowing me off the past couple of weekends we needed to discuss some things like the adults we are (I'm 21, he's 23). He instead decided this would be a good conversation to have Saturday night over Facebook while he was getting drunk and getting ready to go out with his friend whom he was supposedly crashing with that night. The Facebook conversation ended with us breaking up. And then him blocking me on Facebook and Instagram and I haven't bothered to try contacting his cellphone number but I don't think I'd be surprised to be blocked there too??
The thing is, despite the way he broke up with me, I feel like the amount of things we went through together in the past 9 months should amount to more than breaking up over Facebook? He was going to buy a house this spring we were going to try living together he was going to buy this dog named max and he, max, and I were all going to go on adventures and camping trips and be a family. My family adored my ex and they are very tough people to please.
My issue right now is I'm left with unanswered questions that I feel like I deserve answers too. Throughout the conversation (very one sided imo) all he said was a repetition of "I'm sorry" mixed in with "I'm not good enough for you" "I'm not the guy for you" "I just don't feel it" "I tried it didn't work" and "I wanted those things too *sadface*"
All very frustrating cop out answers that I'm going to chalk up to alcohol? We haven't (obviously since I'm blocked pretty much everywhere) spoken since the breakup almost three weeks ago. I have a 30-day no contact rule that is going to expire on the 8th of February and so I need help.
Should I swallow my pride and get over my stubbornness and reach out to him or leave it be and try to move on without answers?
None of my breakups have ever been like this I truly loved him and thought he was the one for me and I've never felt that way about any of my past relationships.
Sorry for the long post but advice is very much appreciated ️
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To be or not to be? ~WARNING: long post ahead~
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xoxo_anonymous
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Re: To be or not to be? ~WARNING: long post ahead~
This is just my opinion but I will be as frank with you as possible:
I think a lot of women (including myself) have this 'need' for closure: we want to know exactly why how when and where. We sometimes spend so much time figuring out what happened and were it went wrong, we don't realize how much time we are wasting on this person while we could (and should) be focusing on moving on.
I know it's tempting to reach out to him to get some answers, but there is a fat chance you won't get any either way: clearly he already moved on with his life and he doesn't seem to be looking back. He broke up with you and blocked you everywhere without properly explaining anything, and I think you are giving him way too much credit by blaming it on the alcohol. Trying to find answers might only leave you more frustrated than you already are. I suggest you start focusing on yourself instead of on this person who wasn't right for you anyway.
Your family loved him? Not a big deal. Your family might be hard to please, but they only get to see a glimpse of that person, and it's exactly what he wants them to see: anyone can put up a front for a little while, at least. Did they know he was texting a girl behind your back? Would they still love him is they did? At the end of the day, he has to be right for you, not for your family.
I think you got the right idea when you say 'I'm sorry' and 'I'm not good enough for you', are cop out answers. He just wanted the easy way out without explaining anything so he just put those lines on repeat. You mentioned a 30 day no-contact policy, but it gives me the impression that you are basically counting down the days until you will contact him again. I say cut your losses, throw out the policy, stop thinking about him completely instead of letting him occupy such a large space in your mind, and make a decision to move on right now, instead of after the 30 days have passed. Good luck!
I think a lot of women (including myself) have this 'need' for closure: we want to know exactly why how when and where. We sometimes spend so much time figuring out what happened and were it went wrong, we don't realize how much time we are wasting on this person while we could (and should) be focusing on moving on.
I know it's tempting to reach out to him to get some answers, but there is a fat chance you won't get any either way: clearly he already moved on with his life and he doesn't seem to be looking back. He broke up with you and blocked you everywhere without properly explaining anything, and I think you are giving him way too much credit by blaming it on the alcohol. Trying to find answers might only leave you more frustrated than you already are. I suggest you start focusing on yourself instead of on this person who wasn't right for you anyway.
Your family loved him? Not a big deal. Your family might be hard to please, but they only get to see a glimpse of that person, and it's exactly what he wants them to see: anyone can put up a front for a little while, at least. Did they know he was texting a girl behind your back? Would they still love him is they did? At the end of the day, he has to be right for you, not for your family.
I think you got the right idea when you say 'I'm sorry' and 'I'm not good enough for you', are cop out answers. He just wanted the easy way out without explaining anything so he just put those lines on repeat. You mentioned a 30 day no-contact policy, but it gives me the impression that you are basically counting down the days until you will contact him again. I say cut your losses, throw out the policy, stop thinking about him completely instead of letting him occupy such a large space in your mind, and make a decision to move on right now, instead of after the 30 days have passed. Good luck!
Re: To be or not to be? ~WARNING: long post ahead~
Thank you for the reply xoxo_anonymous! I think you hit the nail on the head with the 30 days no contact.
It's tough to move on and focus on building more positivity in my life. I think you're right too in saying I should cut my losses and move on I think I just needed someone to say that instead of saying what I wanted to hear like my friends (though I still love them to pieces lol)
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It's tough to move on and focus on building more positivity in my life. I think you're right too in saying I should cut my losses and move on I think I just needed someone to say that instead of saying what I wanted to hear like my friends (though I still love them to pieces lol)
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