Ad blocker detected: Our website is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors. Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker on our website.
eevee wrote:I was talking to my friend the other day about how boys cannot bear to look into the future. the concept of marriage or god forbid kids scares the absolute crap out of them. her boyfriend and my boytoy both have this intense disregard for the future and insist on living in the present and focusing on whatever you're doing right then and not thinking about or planning for the future...my friend and i think that's ridiculous because we plan for every aspect of the future and are constantly looking forward to it. when i asked my boytoy about this he just said "there's no point in planning for the future" and i asked him if it's because it's unpredictable and he said yes.
has anyone encountered a similar disconnect with their boyfriends??
I'm actually having the exact opposite problem. My boyfriend really wants to have kids (in the future, not now) and he has a lot of plans for the future, and I'm just like "um, idk..." So it's not a male-exclusive thing for sure. I don't know how old you guys are, but I don't see this as a huge problem if you're not at the point where you'll want to settle down soon. If you are, then there might be an issue.
So I've officially decided to not see anyone and be abstinent for a long time. I've realized that a lot of my crap luck with dating has been because I haven't given any time in really finding myself. I'm done with being paranoid about getting pregnant, I'm done with being hurt, I'm done with being begged for sex, I'm done with mediocre sex, and most of all I'm done on spending any money ( whether it be gas or splitting a check ) on some selfish loser who I didn't think twice about letting into my life. I don't want to morph into the defensive cat-lady tumblr feminist archetype that I've always kind of disliked but I feel like I understand some of the points they make. Beyond the noise I get the principles.
I'm attending a new university with new people in a few weeks and want a fresh start. Any guys that come sniffing around me will be denied, straight up. If they want my time, they'll need to make as much of an effort. Maybe even more.
And while I don't consider having a girlfriend being much different from a boyfriend, it sucks that the lgbt dating scene where I am is pretty scarce. :/ but hey , maybe things will change.
I posted a thread about this, but I need a bit more help, I only got two replies, and Im still sort of upset. If Anyone can give me advice that'd be amazing:) here I go. This is a long one haha.
I dated a guy earlier this year. We really got along well, until another girl got jealous and broke us up. He chose her over me, and shes kinda skanky, and she bullied me for months and tried to get him to do it too. He did it a little bit, then completely stopped and seemed to get a backbone of his own after awhile. She got bored of him quickly, and decided to start seeing another boy who showed interest in me. It was kinda weird, but I am too shy to say anything, so I let her at it. Her and I used to be 'Friends' but we are total opposites.
This boy was the first guy I had ever liked or gone out with and vice versa. We were each others first crushes, and dates, and we were gonna kiss and hold hands too but didn't get that far. We used to text each other everyday after school and all night and tell each other everything. He's not very open to anyone, but, he told me everything about his families issues, and his issues with his siblings and their drug addictions, and he's never told anyone before me, and hasn't since. Not even the girl he left me for. I am seventeen, and this might seem a little innocent compared to most teenagers, but I was super happy with just going really slow. It sounds dumb, but it really bothers me that I never got to do that with him. I tried to date other boys that showed interest in me, like my mother said, (it was kinda odd, no boy has ever liked me until this year, I am really shy and quiet.) And I did, but they didn't make me feel the same way, so we decided to just become bestfriends, and it worked super well actually.
When the boy I used to date left me for the mean girl, he made it seem like he never liked me or never did, and he sent me really mean text messages, because she wanted him too, and she unfollowed me on his social media accounts. The day after he sent me terrible text messages telling me off, he told a mutual friend how bad he felt, and stuff but then he covered for the mean girl and said I was obsessed with him? It really hurt at the time, when someone who invests time in you says that you're obsessed with them and that they never liked you or did, and that they never want you to talk to them. I never did talk to him after that for a really, long time, and even to this day, I refuse to, unless he speaks to me first, and he always does. He seems very sorry, even though he hasn't outwardly said it. We work together, and he asks my best friend when I work all the time, and asks her how I am doing and if I am well. He blushes at me whenever I speak to him, and laughs at my jokes when their not funny. He is always around me, wanting to talk and work together and he flirts with me, and its quite cute. I do it back sometimes, and it reminds me of the old times when we were together. If I call him cute, he just blushes and smiles for a really long time. He also tries to impress my mom, who used to hate him for hurting me.
He hates where we work, and so do I, so I got a new job. when we get alone, I get nervous, and when I try to bring up the past and what he said and did, he lets on he "honestly doesn't know what he did wrong." Or gets really awkward and looks upset. But, the other day was the last time is see him for a while, and I tried to force myself to talk to him. I said some thing like "before I quit I want to tell everyone how I feel about them, I'll start with you?" And he replied with "whatever you have to say to me, I'll just sit here and take it okay." I didn't bother telling him after that because I don't know what that reply was supposed to mean? But one of our mutual friends keeps telling me that the boy I used to date likes me and that everyone deserves a second chance and stuff when our friend used to tell me to stay away before.
All I want is to settle our differences so I can tell him I think I like him again. I mean, I want to hold his hand more than ever, and its grad year, and hes the only person I want to go to prom with. I want to make memories together, and do all the things we said we'd do, before we got messed up before. It hurts so badly that this may not happen. I told him about my new job one day, and he said he wanted to work there too, but I don't really know why, and wanted to know if they were still hiring. The mean girl works with us too, but she left for awhile and she's back now. She's trying to be close to him only when I'm around to make me sad, and they're not friends anymore, he hates her, and does everything to try and avoid her. but she doesn't get the hint, so she always tries to talk to him and stuff. I feel like I cant talk to him if she is around. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say, and I am scared to his reaction because of all the mean things he said to me before, that I don't think he meant. You never know, he seems sorry but what good is that. I never got an apology in words and I don't want to go chasing for one.
You're probably thinking "get over it." Trust me, I have tried. I just don't want to be on bad terms with someone I truly like. I am leaving soon, I only get one shift a week there so I never see him ever and we probably wont have any classes together next year, so I wont see him in school unless we become close again. Can someone please help me. I really need to know how to do this in a nice way.
VelvetTeddy98 wrote:I posted a thread about this, but I need a bit more help, I only got two replies, and Im still sort of upset. If Anyone can give me advice that'd be amazing:) here I go. This is a long one haha.
I dated a guy earlier this year. We really got along well, until another girl got jealous and broke us up. He chose her over me, and shes kinda skanky, and she bullied me for months and tried to get him to do it too. He did it a little bit, then completely stopped and seemed to get a backbone of his own after awhile. She got bored of him quickly, and decided to start seeing another boy who showed interest in me. It was kinda weird, but I am too shy to say anything, so I let her at it. Her and I used to be 'Friends' but we are total opposites.
This boy was the first guy I had ever liked or gone out with and vice versa. We were each others first crushes, and dates, and we were gonna kiss and hold hands too but didn't get that far. We used to text each other everyday after school and all night and tell each other everything. He's not very open to anyone, but, he told me everything about his families issues, and his issues with his siblings and their drug addictions, and he's never told anyone before me, and hasn't since. Not even the girl he left me for. I am seventeen, and this might seem a little innocent compared to most teenagers, but I was super happy with just going really slow. It sounds dumb, but it really bothers me that I never got to do that with him. I tried to date other boys that showed interest in me, like my mother said, (it was kinda odd, no boy has ever liked me until this year, I am really shy and quiet.) And I did, but they didn't make me feel the same way, so we decided to just become bestfriends, and it worked super well actually.
When the boy I used to date left me for the mean girl, he made it seem like he never liked me or never did, and he sent me really mean text messages, because she wanted him too, and she unfollowed me on his social media accounts. The day after he sent me terrible text messages telling me off, he told a mutual friend how bad he felt, and stuff but then he covered for the mean girl and said I was obsessed with him? It really hurt at the time, when someone who invests time in you says that you're obsessed with them and that they never liked you or did, and that they never want you to talk to them. I never did talk to him after that for a really, long time, and even to this day, I refuse to, unless he speaks to me first, and he always does. He seems very sorry, even though he hasn't outwardly said it. We work together, and he asks my best friend when I work all the time, and asks her how I am doing and if I am well. He blushes at me whenever I speak to him, and laughs at my jokes when their not funny. He is always around me, wanting to talk and work together and he flirts with me, and its quite cute. I do it back sometimes, and it reminds me of the old times when we were together. If I call him cute, he just blushes and smiles for a really long time. He also tries to impress my mom, who used to hate him for hurting me.
He hates where we work, and so do I, so I got a new job. when we get alone, I get nervous, and when I try to bring up the past and what he said and did, he lets on he "honestly doesn't know what he did wrong." Or gets really awkward and looks upset. But, the other day was the last time is see him for a while, and I tried to force myself to talk to him. I said some thing like "before I quit I want to tell everyone how I feel about them, I'll start with you?" And he replied with "whatever you have to say to me, I'll just sit here and take it okay." I didn't bother telling him after that because I don't know what that reply was supposed to mean? But one of our mutual friends keeps telling me that the boy I used to date likes me and that everyone deserves a second chance and stuff when our friend used to tell me to stay away before.
All I want is to settle our differences so I can tell him I think I like him again. I mean, I want to hold his hand more than ever, and its grad year, and hes the only person I want to go to prom with. I want to make memories together, and do all the things we said we'd do, before we got messed up before. It hurts so badly that this may not happen. I told him about my new job one day, and he said he wanted to work there too, but I don't really know why, and wanted to know if they were still hiring. The mean girl works with us too, but she left for awhile and she's back now. She's trying to be close to him only when I'm around to make me sad, and they're not friends anymore, he hates her, and does everything to try and avoid her. but she doesn't get the hint, so she always tries to talk to him and stuff. I feel like I cant talk to him if she is around. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say, and I am scared to his reaction because of all the mean things he said to me before, that I don't think he meant. You never know, he seems sorry but what good is that. I never got an apology in words and I don't want to go chasing for one.
You're probably thinking "get over it." Trust me, I have tried. I just don't want to be on bad terms with someone I truly like. I am leaving soon, I only get one shift a week there so I never see him ever and we probably wont have any classes together next year, so I wont see him in school unless we become close again. Can someone please help me. I really need to know how to do this in a nice way.
Hey I was stuck in the same kind of mess like you, I used to talk to this guy, he used to like me, but I was too shy, then his friends broke us up, like broke our friendship by telling mean things bout me to him, I never got a chance to hold hands and kiss him etc or tell him my side of the story.. But you do cause he likes you,
Do one thing, write everything you feel or need answers to on the notepad on your phone or in a book, keep it short to the point and show it to him when you guys are alone, then wait for his answer or reaction, or tell him to let you know what he thinks later on..Do not send a text or give him the book. Just to be on the safe side.
Was abused for four years physically, sexually, and emotionally by one guy I was in a relationship with, from the time I was 18 to the time I was 22. He was in his 30's. It ruined my life and saved my life at the same time because now I don't take any fucking shit. My self esteem is somewhat trashed deep down, but I'm now in a loving relationship with a super gentle, trustworthy person. It's helping a lot to mend what's broken.
In the time between my abusive relationship and this one, I realized how strong the abuse actually made me. I wasn't taking shit from anybody while I was single, because I had already experienced the worst of the worst and wasn't ever going to settle down with an asshole again. That's how I ended up with the most wonderful guy ever. Because I knew all the red flags and warning signs to look for, and I was more confident about my ability to be happy by myself. This confidence and don't-take-any-shit attitude ended up attracting wonderful friends and relationships in my life, and now I feel happy and secure.
So the point I'm trying to make is... the assholes you date serve a greater purpose. They make you stronger. They make you realize what you don't want out of life. They give you the ability to find the truly good guys out there.
Elouise wrote:Was abused for four years physically, sexually, and emotionally by one guy I was in a relationship with, from the time I was 18 to the time I was 22. He was in his 30's. It ruined my life and saved my life at the same time because now I don't take any fucking shit. My self esteem is somewhat trashed deep down, but I'm now in a loving relationship with a super gentle, trustworthy person. It's helping a lot to mend what's broken.
In the time between my abusive relationship and this one, I realized how strong the abuse actually made me. I wasn't taking shit from anybody while I was single, because I had already experienced the worst of the worst and wasn't ever going to settle down with an asshole again. That's how I ended up with the most wonderful guy ever. Because I knew all the red flags and warning signs to look for, and I was more confident about my ability to be happy by myself. This confidence and don't-take-any-shit attitude ended up attracting wonderful friends and relationships in my life, and now I feel happy and secure.
So the point I'm trying to make is... the assholes you date serve a greater purpose. They make you stronger. They make you realize what you don't want out of life. They give you the ability to find the truly good guys out there.
I just broke up with this guy I was seeing for a little over a month. I felt bad about it, but I just really wasn't into the relationship anymore. It completely sucks though because it's so hard for me to find someone that likes me that I also like. It just makes me a little sad because who knows how long it will take me to find another person who genuinely likes me
I'm so thankfull that I dumped this guy. It was my first realtionship and I made mistakes but his were much greater. At first everything was great but after that... this is going to be a huge rant.
He demanded a gift for every month we are dating. I'm not the person that is super great with presents /I need time to choose them, to get the best one, it's not a thing that you can do by demand and with no reason/, he knew it but still wanted stuff.
And I was a virgin. I loved the guy. He "loved" me too. Every time we had sex it was horrible, I cried, screamed but he did not care. Also the absurd things that he was taught by his friends made me angry because I never had sex and still knew more. I 'wanted to have the d' but his friend told him that the first time its only fingers. So he listened to him and not me. The most shocking thing is that after this relationship I was still a virgin no matter that he was pretending to be the 'great sex bomb of the city'. My sex life was a disaster and I still hate oral /on me/.
After some time we broke up. I was heartbroken, depressed and was begging just to sleep and leave the world behind. But just when i started to get on my feet we got back together and to this day I thing this is one of my huge mistakes. When it's over, it's over.
There was this one time when he left me on the road at night and it was winter. He was pretending to be a F&F guy but he broke his car and he started to cry, His father came and they got in his car and left me. I had to walk to my house, my phone was broken, I met some dogs but I panic really hard when I spot one so you can imagine how scared I was walking in the dark, cold and with no people around. But I managed to get away. After that a drunk man saw me and started to scream at me and run. My blood was frozen, I was thinking that he is going to hurt me or rape me but I started to run and managed to escape to a safer and lighter road. I got home but I'm writing all this for you to see my ex's absurd reactions - he did not call me when he got home. Not even that day. But he called the next afternoon and not a single word for me. He started babbling how the car was broke and needed a month to be fixed and sh&t like that.
From this time onward our relationship was a trainwreck. He was trying to break me, make me feel guilty about HIS life and HIS problems. He never listened to me, because I'm younger than him /with 1 year and several moths OMG, so many/ he was thinking that my problems are worthless, that he passed through them, so when I have them it's no big deal. At some time I was apologizing for everything. Then something snapped in me - I had no more feelings for him, I had no need to see him, or hug him. I didn't need his messages. And this is the time I left him for the second time. But this time I felt nothing and I knew that he was using me.
After that he got several girlfriends but always tries desperately to have some kind of connection with me. He lied to one of his girlfriends about me - that he left me because I was collapsing all the time, that I had mental illness and so on. I was mad when I became aware of this shit but still did not write to him and now I know this was the right choice.
vikez wrote:I'm so thankfull that I dumped this guy. It was my first realtionship and I made mistakes but his were much greater. At first everything was great but after that... this is going to be a huge rant.
He demanded a gift for every month we are dating. I'm not the person that is super great with presents /I need time to choose them, to get the best one, it's not a thing that you can do by demand and with no reason/, he knew it but still wanted stuff.
And I was a virgin. I loved the guy. He "loved" me too. Every time we had sex it was horrible, I cried, screamed but he did not care. Also the absurd things that he was taught by his friends made me angry because I never had sex and still knew more. I 'wanted to have the d' but his friend told him that the first time its only fingers. So he listened to him and not me. The most shocking thing is that after this relationship I was still a virgin no matter that he was pretending to be the 'great sex bomb of the city'. My sex life was a disaster and I still hate oral /on me/.
After some time we broke up. I was heartbroken, depressed and was begging just to sleep and leave the world behind. But just when i started to get on my feet we got back together and to this day I thing this is one of my huge mistakes. When it's over, it's over.
There was this one time when he left me on the road at night and it was winter. He was pretending to be a F&F guy but he broke his car and he started to cry, His father came and they got in his car and left me. I had to walk to my house, my phone was broken, I met some dogs but I panic really hard when I spot one so you can imagine how scared I was walking in the dark, cold and with no people around. But I managed to get away. After that a drunk man saw me and started to scream at me and run. My blood was frozen, I was thinking that he is going to hurt me or rape me but I started to run and managed to escape to a safer and lighter road. I got home but I'm writing all this for you to see my ex's absurd reactions - he did not call me when he got home. Not even that day. But he called the next afternoon and not a single word for me. He started babbling how the car was broke and needed a month to be fixed and sh&t like that.
From this time onward our relationship was a trainwreck. He was trying to break me, make me feel guilty about HIS life and HIS problems. He never listened to me, because I'm younger than him /with 1 year and several moths OMG, so many/ he was thinking that my problems are worthless, that he passed through them, so when I have them it's no big deal. At some time I was apologizing for everything. Then something snapped in me - I had no more feelings for him, I had no need to see him, or hug him. I didn't need his messages. And this is the time I left him for the second time. But this time I felt nothing and I knew that he was using me.
After that he got several girlfriends but always tries desperately to have some kind of connection with me. He lied to one of his girlfriends about me - that he left me because I was collapsing all the time, that I had mental illness and so on. I was mad when I became aware of this shit but still did not write to him and now I know this was the right choice.
you go girl! I think we all go through this at one point, can't wait until I can finally snap and cut off my feelings.
Oh well, I am already 18 and have had no relationships whatsoever. My deskmate in HS is a boy though, we were really good friends and the classic scenario happened - he told me he had feelings for me and I rejected him. I felt really bad about it but I didn't want to lead him on. For a month or so we barely talked just because it was awkward. Currently this guy's best friends seems to like me (we have been on "dates" - going to the cinema, clubbing etc) but again I don't think I like him in that way. It is so difficult because as friends they are both great but that's about it. I don't know how to say no politely either.
Please help a friend out and fill in the survey in my signature. I love y'all!!!
vikez wrote:I'm so thankfull that I dumped this guy. It was my first realtionship and I made mistakes but his were much greater. At first everything was great but after that... this is going to be a huge rant.
you go girl! I think we all go through this at one point, can't wait until I can finally snap and cut off my feelings.
Hope it will be soon
And it gets better. I believed that I'll die alone but I found a guy that loves me truly and our relationship is so much better and relaxed. I feel like I never loved before.
It turned out I was a virgin.. so much for my ex the playboy.
I've been through the mill with fuckboys who only wanted me for sex. The two I had my worst experiences with are like best friends. One of them took me back to his when I was drunk and I never fully consented. That has really affected me. Thankfully, I've separated myself from them and barely see either of them anymore. I'm now with an amazing man who cares so much about me. Trouble is, the bad experiences have really affected my sex life. I suffer from anxiety and depression and I never feel in the mood. I feel like I'm just giving up my body and being used. I feel like it's wrong and I'm being used just for that one purpose. Even though I know my boyfriend loves me and he is very understanding, but I wish I was more normal. We last had full on sex about 7-8 months ago. We hadn't seen each other for most of that time though, as I lived abroad.
I've been through the mill with fuckboys who only wanted me for sex. The two I had my worst experiences with are like best friends. One of them took me back to his when I was drunk and I never fully consented. That has really affected me. Thankfully, I've separated myself from them and barely see either of them anymore. I'm now with an amazing man who cares so much about me. Trouble is, the bad experiences have really affected my sex life. I suffer from anxiety and depression and I never feel in the mood. I feel like I'm just giving up my body and being used. I feel like it's wrong and I'm being used just for that one purpose. Even though I know my boyfriend loves me and he is very understanding, but I wish I was more normal. We last had full on sex about 7-8 months ago. We hadn't seen each other for most of that time though, as I lived abroad.
pwincesscallie wrote:I've been through the mill with fuckboys who only wanted me for sex. The two I had my worst experiences with are like best friends. One of them took me back to his when I was drunk and I never fully consented. That has really affected me. Thankfully, I've separated myself from them and barely see either of them anymore. I'm now with an amazing man who cares so much about me. Trouble is, the bad experiences have really affected my sex life. I suffer from anxiety and depression and I never feel in the mood. I feel like I'm just giving up my body and being used. I feel like it's wrong and I'm being used just for that one purpose. Even though I know my boyfriend loves me and he is very understanding, but I wish I was more normal. We last had full on sex about 7-8 months ago. We hadn't seen each other for most of that time though, as I lived abroad.
Any advice?
Does he know that you feel that way? If he does and he doesn't mind at all, you've found yourself a keeper! Though, maybe when you guys see each other in person again, you might feel that way due to the fact that you haven't seen him in awhile. You shouldn't feel like it's wrong if that doesn't happen or that you're never in the mood. Remember, your happiness (and comfort) come first!
I feel like it might just be me, but any men that I've fallen for in the past were always emotionally unstable/unavailable or taken, while guys who I have barely any interest in chase me and fall in love with me all over the place. What wicked sorcery is this?
RoseHammer wrote:I feel like it might just be me, but any men that I've fallen for in the past were always emotionally unstable/unavailable or taken, while guys who I have barely any interest in chase me and fall in love with me all over the place. What wicked sorcery is this?
Same here. I have a thing for falling for the ones who have emotional problems or are in need of help. I've come to realize that I can't help everyone though, and I need to just let it go.
I need to rant. Please share if you're going thru something similar.
I may seem bitter & yes I do miss my ex but his gf is blatantly using him. My ex's gf is a total instawhore, she's EVERYWHERE, all the shoes/jewelry/clothing brand insta a/c's I've followed she's buys a clothing item from them, tags them & begs them to share her photo, she models for cheap Chinese clothing that she's sent for free ON HER INSTAGRAM. She even models for towels. Cheap bitch. She has 90k followers but gets only 3k likes on EACH pic. She's bought so many followers. It's not even professional. I can't believe my ex is falling hard for this ugly hoe that too since 4yrs. He drives/picks her to/from events, to/from the airport, takes her to dinners/lunches, college, he even takes HER family to weddings & events, he's her personal photographer although he hasn't studied photography, she's too cheap to hire a photog. She basically uses the FUCK outta him at any given opportunity & he's so blind to this it's mind boggling. She calls him "her doggie" "her little idiot" on her Instagram.
The most fucked up part is that she thinks she has FANS. She begs restaurants/bakeries to hold MEET UPS FOR HER. LIKE WTF. She has NO TALENT. Why would anyone wanna meet a girl who wears cheap Chinese clothing & posts pictures on Instagram? WHY? She even has a YouTube channel w/ a meager 5k subbies where she posts boring ass vids of her China clothing companies. Her voice is ear bleed inducing. She's extremely unintelligent, posts about 10 selfies a day w/ that horrendous one eye close fish pout face. She'll go to any & every party where famous people are involved.
I'd appreciate a good looking girl but she's arrogant & ugly which makes her all the more ugly.
And recently the icing on the cake would be that meme going around 'Alternate BF uses' where they show how bf's can be used as jar openers, bug killers, body warmth providers lol etc etc. She posted that photo w/ a caption saying that "My bf sent me this meme, how true tho, haha" Like she doesn't use him enough already. He's giving her more ways on how to use him. Wow. May God save this boy.
I had a guy lead me on, when I was 17. I genuinely liked him and I attempted to reciprocate, but he quickly turned cold. It was just toxic. This happened once before and I was almost taken advantage of by the guy before that one,at age 22.
I've cut both of these assholes out of my life and I'd rather focus on getting my shit together than to go through that shit again.
Am I the only one that feels like I'm never going to find someone to settle down and have kids with? Like I'm still pretty young (going on 23 next week) but I just feel like I'm running out of time sometimes. Especially because it takes me so long to find someone that I like that likes me back
She has 90k followers but gets only 3k likes on EACH pic. She's bought so many followers. It's not even professional. I can't believe my ex is falling hard for this ugly hoe that too since 4yrs. 
He drives/picks her to/from events, to/from the airport, takes her to dinners/lunches, college, he even takes HER family to weddings & events, he's her personal photographer although he hasn't studied photography, she's too cheap to hire a photog. She basically uses the FUCK outta him at any given opportunity & he's so blind to this it's mind boggling. 
She calls him "her doggie" "her little idiot" on her Instagram. 
She even has a YouTube channel w/ a meager 5k subbies where she posts boring ass vids of her China clothing companies. Her voice is ear bleed inducing. She's extremely unintelligent, posts about 10 selfies a day w/ that horrendous one eye close fish pout face. She'll go to any & every party where famous people are involved. 
May God save this boy.
