Long Distance Relationships

[molticolori]

Hey guys, so what do you think about LDRs, can they work? I'm on the fence about whether it's a good idea to start one or not...especially considering we both like to move around a lot.

To people in LDRs:
Do they work for you?
Do you get bored with each other?
Would they work for newish couples?
How do you stay connected and how can you tell the difference between caring and clingy?

Would love to hear your thoughts on this!

[poulet]

Do they work for you?

For now, but not in the long run. When I say long run, I mean without an end in sight.
I don't think LDRs work for anyone, actually, but if you have to, you do it.

Do you get bored with each other?

No. I mean, when we live together for a month over the summer, or something like that, we don't hang off of eachother all the time, we do our things separately. But there is no boredom, we can sit for 5 hours next to eachother and watch movies, occasionally groping.

Would they work for newish couples?

It's how we started

How do you stay connected and how can you tell the difference between caring and clingy?

I think that LDRs are just as any relationship.
If there is a true connection, love, respect and trust, there is no clinginess in the dictionary.
We understand eachother, have a genuine partnership, and are not immature. There is no "omg, I am constantly obsessing over whether he's cheating on me with yxwqz!!!1".

[pinky]

I was in one once. It lasted about 5 months. He cheated. It really broke my heart. Some people just can't cope with being that far away from the person they're with.

[Kleineganz]

I was in a 5 year long relationship back in the 1990s. The first 2 years were long distance (I was in Chicago, he was in California). He eventually got a job in Colorado and I moved to be with him (it seemed fair to me because we both had to move). The relationship lasted another 3 years after that and the breakup really had nothing to do with the fact that we had started as long-distance.

In general I think long distance relationships can work, but only if you eventually have a plan on being together. There is always a risk when one, or both, of you uproot yourselves and move to be with each other, because it may or may not work out (same as with any relationship). However I always think it's worth a try if you find someone far away that you really click with.

[poulet]

I was in one once. It lasted about 5 months. He cheated. It really broke my heart. Some people just can't cope with being that far away from the person they're with.

Or in your case, some people are just cheating jerks, and that has nothing to do with the distance.

[hollaatmegurl]

Do they work for you?
Do you get bored with each other?
Would they work for newish couples?
How do you stay connected and how can you tell the difference between caring and clingy?

Well, I'm kind of in one. We're not really officially TOGETHER-together, there's no title on it, but we're into each other and plan on meeting someday. It works for me, because I know that if things work out we'll eventually meet (hopefully in a year or so). I couldn't do it if we were never going to see each other in our lives. We don't get bored with each other, there's a major timezone difference (he's in a different country) so we talk twice a day, usually for a couple hours each time, just about whatever. I think they work for newish couples, that's how we started, and I like it. Because we're really getting to know each other by talking, not just going out on dates and stuff. As for the difference between caring and clingy, I trust him. He said he's going to wait for me, and I'm going to wait for him. Honestly I don't have that much interest in other people because he seems perfect for me. If someone is insecure with it and is very worried about the other person cheating, I don't think it could work.

For staying connected, we skype/write letters and such.

[pinky]

I was in one once. It lasted about 5 months. He cheated. It really broke my heart. Some people just can't cope with being that far away from the person they're with.

Or in your case, some people are just cheating jerks, and that has nothing to do with the distance.

Well, he said he couldn't handle the distance anymore. I don't know but either way it's scummy. Oh well.

[thismustbetheplace]

I go to college about 200 miles from my home city, and I have been in two long-distance relationships with guys from my home city. The first one lasted about a year and ended for reasons unrelated to the distance and I am currently in the second one that has lasted almost 6 months so far.

Do they work for you?
So far I haven't found long distance to be that much of a problem, but I get to see my boyfriend every two weeks and during summer and winter breaks so it is not as bad as being separated by an entire continent like some people are. However, I would say that a vital thing is that both people be really committed to the relationship -- as in, see marriage or long-term cohabitation as a possibility if not a definite. If one or both of you is not that into it, it won't work because there is no reason to stay invested in someone so far away. Another vital thing is that you have to know when the long-distance will end so that you know that your relationship CAN have a future. In my case it will end when I graduate from college.

Do you get bored with each other?
Not unless you would get bored with each other anyway. If anything, absence makes the heart grow fonder, as the saying says.

Would they work for newish couples?
It depends. If you already know from the start that you are both committed, it will work. In my case the two guys I dated were both good friends before we started going out, so things got serious fairly quickly, and we also started dating in the summer so we had a couple of months of non-long-distance dating before I had to go back to college.

How do you stay connected and how can you tell the difference between caring and clingy?
My current boyfriend and I talk on the phone every night for about an hour, unless one of us is really busy. We also talk throughout the day on IM and text asking how our days are going and so forth. As I mentioned, we see each other every two weeks -- he visits me once a month and I visit him once a month. With my ex, we talked mostly on IM and text and only on the phone sometimes, since he didn't like talking on the phone for some reason. I saw him every two weeks also but I had to be the one who traveled there every time since he had to work on weekends. I think the difference between caring vs. clingy is relative to what both people want in the relationship. My boyfriend and I talk to an extent that some other people would probably find to be too much, but we both want to talk to each other that amount. So as long as both people in the relationship are okay with the amount of communication going on, there shouldn't be a problem.

[Blueberry]

I am in one right now because of the military.

To answers your questions:
Do they work for you?: So far it has worked out "ok". I'm not saying it's been great because it hasn't. It's been very hard actually.
Do you get bored with each other?: It's been somewhat difficult to keep a "spark" there if you know what I mean. We get bored sometimes but sometimes we are totally happy!!
Would they work for newish couples?: I don't think so. You need to be very committed to someone and have a lot of trust built up for it to work, but hell...anythings possible.
How do you stay connected and how can you tell the difference between caring and clingy?: We make time for each other even though its hard since he's 11 hours ahead of me time zone wise. We make sure to always communicate and be open. Obviously it's going to be easy to get jealous or "clingy" but usually we go through phases. I'm probably not making any sense lol. I'm going to end here.

[PyroMakeup]

Hey guys, so what do you think about LDRs, can they work? I'm on the fence about whether it's a good idea to start one or not...especially considering we both like to move around a lot.

To people in LDRs:
Do they work for you?
Do you get bored with each other?
Would they work for newish couples?
How do you stay connected and how can you tell the difference between caring and clingy?

Would love to hear your thoughts on this!

I've been in a long distance relationship for three years.
I've had maybe two bored spells, but we both just did our own thing staying together, and then eventually talking more once the spell was done.
I'm not sure if they'd work for newish couples to be honest.
I've been in about 2 long distance relationship the first one failed due to being so far. The guy I was with was clingy and really wanted to see me in real life, I was like 16 and never told my mom about it.
The one I am in now I met the guy online and we've met many times over the years. We skype every night talking to one another and use online websites to watch movies/tv shows/youtube videos. We also webcam. We play video games together on xbox and on our PC's
I'm not a clingy person, but I do like having him with me in real life. It can work if both people are dedicated to one another. We are both planning to move in with one another once we get through college and get jobs.

[whoa]

They can work but only if both sides want to put in the effort to make them work. I was in a long distance relationship with my now husband for the majority of our relationship. We went to the same college when we got together but I transfered (the following semester) so we were about 4-5 hours apart. Then he graduated and I was still in school so he went and took a job another 2 hours away so we were a total of about 6 hours away. We sort of got really use to it after a while so it wasn't that big of a deal but at first it was really hard. We were lucky enough to get to see each other at least 2 weekends out of the month of not every weekend.

Skype was our best friend during the weeks and it really helped us stay connected + tons of phone calls.
I think a big important key is to always be open about things. If something is bothering you then you have to let that person know because they are not there with you to know how bad it is botheirng you and what not so talking to them about it is important.
The whole being able to tell the difference in being caring or clingy I think really differs from couple to couple. The making sure to talk and be open thing could help with that because the person should be able to let the other know if they are filling like one is being clingy or not.

[Min]

I'm not answering this as a person who is currently in a LDR, but as someone who used to be. I am now married to him

To people in LDRs:
Do they work for you? Yes, but it's very tough. Being apart from each other for so long (usually two weeks at a time) can get stressful, but talking a lot on MSN Video chat helped. You really have to like each other to make it work though, and have a good level of trust.
Do you get bored with each other? Not really. I'm still not bored with him now and we've lived together for almost 4 years now.
Would they work for newish couples? Yes and no. It depends on the person.
How do you stay connected and how can you tell the difference between caring and clingy? We used mainly MSN Video chat so we could see each other and talk. We did that usually every night for a couple of hours. Once every two weeks we'd meet for a day or two for an extended date, he lived around 80 miles away. On occasion we also arranged mini-vacations which lasted 3-4 days, usually traveling somewhere local.

I was in a LDR from late 2004 to April 2009, when I got married, so it was 4 1/2 years? We were both pretty young (18ish) and new to romantic relationships at the time, he was only my 2nd boyfriend, but we got along very well. Can't imagine it going well if you don't have a really good connection with your partner though :/

[Goat]

Currently not in an LDR but I have been had 2 in the past.

Do they work for you?
Both relationships worked for me in the past, the way they ended weren't influenced by distance but by other factors. I wouldn't refuse being in another one since I know what I can give and what I need. One thing I will note is sometimes you will feel more of an emotional connection and you both may not have a great physical connection. It happens.

Do you get bored with each other?
It boils down to the individual person, really. I personally get very bored without some kind of mental stimulation, not just with LRDs but with "normal" relationships as well. It'll vary from person to person so it's important to discuss everything and anything. It's perfectly find to be bored after some time! Routines are considered boring for a reason so it's important to switch things up.

Would they work for newish couples?
As long as you commit to the relationship I see no reason why not.

How do you stay connected and how can you tell the difference between caring and clingy?
Phone calls, texting, online games, Skype, and (I'll be completely honest) phone sex!

It's pretty obvious in most cases to know when someone cares about you, not just in a romantic relationship. Clingy is a completely different thing on another level. If the person is texting/calling you repeatedly when you don't reply, asking where you are and who you are with, and becoming extremely overbearing and territorial over you it's obvious something is going on. You are a person, not property! Free will is a thing and your partner has to learn to accept that. If not, then they need to work on it. Seriously. It's always a good idea to get another peron's P.O.V. as well.

[kfcepeda]

I was in a 5 year long relationship back in the 1990s. The first 2 years were long distance (I was in Chicago, he was in California). He eventually got a job in Colorado and I moved to be with him (it seemed fair to me because we both had to move). The relationship lasted another 3 years after that and the breakup really had nothing to do with the fact that we had started as long-distance.

In general I think long distance relationships can work, but only if you eventually have a plan on being together. There is always a risk when one, or both, of you uproot yourselves and move to be with each other, because it may or may not work out (same as with any relationship). However I always think it's worth a try if you find someone far away that you really click with.

Do you still live in Colorado? I just moved to Denver from Portland OR. My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 3 years. one of those years we were about an hour and a half away (so semi long distance?), then we lived together, and now we're actually long distance since October. But we're still going strong and he should be moved here by sometime in February.

I think that they can work but only if you HAVE to. Like we were dating for a year before he moved to Portland which was an hour away. But I would never start dating someone who lived far away to begin with. It's just too hard. Like even though we are going strong, we miss each other like crazy and it's hard to be so far from someone you were living with!

[EveryJuan]

I was in an LDR. He moved to be with me. The longest we went without seeing each other was 7 months. It was hell, but we made it work with lots of communication, trust, openness and honesty.

Love doesn't conquer all things, you need more than just that.

[Kandake]

I hate telling people that I'm in one because I feel they don't take it seriously.

[molticolori]

I kind of agree that you need to know the person before dating. I don't think I could ever get into an LDR without actually meeting the person. Thanks for all the awesome advice guys! My boyfriend and I have decided to pursue a relationship despite the distance and I truly believe it's going to work out. It seemed much more difficult than I thought it would be, although without Skype I would probably go insane. Also, I definitely feel that people take LDRs for granted. Honestly, I used to also but now that I'm in one, it's definitely changed my perspective.

[Kandake]

I kind of agree that you need to know the person before dating. I don't think I could ever get into an LDR without actually meeting the person. Thanks for all the awesome advice guys! My boyfriend and I have decided to pursue a relationship despite the distance and I truly believe it's going to work out. It seemed much more difficult than I thought it would be, although without Skype I would probably go insane. Also, I definitely feel that people take LDRs for granted. Honestly, I used to also but now that I'm in one, it's definitely changed my perspective.

Best of luck.

I always wonder where most LDR's would be without skype haha