It all started about a year ago, I was just herping the derp on YouTube, when all of a sudden, an elusive bird-like redhead's video popped up into my suggestion. "Hmm?" I thought to myself, "this video is about what to pack for college, since I will be going to college, this might be helpful." So I clicked. The click that changed it all. "OMG DIZ GURL IZ SWEARIN SHE IZ SO FUNNAI!" My mind was molding and making up words of a seemingly 2 year old vocabulary. That's when I realized, I was a fangirl! I had to view more, learn more about this elusive curmudgeon, and learn her opinions on EVERYTHING. Even things I didn't need to know. She did makeup videos! She worked at Starbucks! She swears in her makeup videos! SHE IZ 2 KEWL OMG U GUISE SHE IZ LYKE DA 1 N ONLY TRU GURUUUUUUU!! So I subscribed, and was thoroughly entertained. Until July of 2012. That's when it happened. THAT video. I could deal with her hipsterism and acting like she was so famous and her opinions are the only ones that mattered. But 'Beating A Dead Horse' is where I had my enlightenment. How can my savior, the girl that taught me how to pile on makeup, the girl who so lovingly referred to us, her fans, as twats and fuckers; how can this girl be a liar? Saying the "L" word almost seemed dirty. Rachel is not liar. Rachel is god. God wishes to be fierce (and totally not fat) like Rachel. There is no one above Rachel. Rachel is the social and moral arbiter of the (online) universe. But, unfortunately, I was born with a pesky disorder called "common sense". I was vaguely aware of a site called GURUGOSSIP, due in part to the gurus against GURUGOSSIP Initiative. Upon my first lurking of the site, I was appalled. They were talking badly about my dear Temptalia, Andrea, MichellePhan, Blair & Elle, and Rachel. My guru deities were perfect, these H8rs, these trolls were OBVS JST JELLY ND DESPARATE ND UNATTRATIVE ND UGALY ND HVE NO LVES CUZ DEY TLKIN BOUT MAH GURLZ. But I started reading, and could not stop. They had links, sources, PROOF of my once beloved deities CAUGHT in lies. That's when my fall from grace occurred. "How can they make money by lying to me? They don't really care about me or my (badly) applied makeup (thanks to their tutorials)? They just want money? (Except for Rachel, bitch is so desperate for fame she'll show up to the opening of an envelope)"
My vision became clearer, my speech, more eloquent than ever. So I decided to join this GURUGOSSIP site, months later. I felt free, I felt smart, and more importantly, I don't look like chola in drag anymore. If you, or someone you know, is becoming a pesky minion, please, direct them to lurk on this site. It has opened my eyes, and now I realize, the sun shines from space, and not Rachel's ass!
