TRUE LIFE: I Used To Be A Minion

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the_sacrament
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TRUE LIFE: I Used To Be A Minion

Post by the_sacrament » Tue Dec 18, 2012 11:34 pm

This is my inspiring story of how I used to be an ICALLITAMBROSIA minion. I hope my story will inspire others to find a light that is not up Rachel's ass, and to see her for who she truly is.
It all started about a year ago, I was just herping the derp on YouTube, when all of a sudden, an elusive bird-like redhead's video popped up into my suggestion. "Hmm?" I thought to myself, "this video is about what to pack for college, since I will be going to college, this might be helpful." So I clicked. The click that changed it all. "OMG DIZ GURL IZ SWEARIN SHE IZ SO FUNNAI!" My mind was molding and making up words of a seemingly 2 year old vocabulary. That's when I realized, I was a fangirl! I had to view more, learn more about this elusive curmudgeon, and learn her opinions on EVERYTHING. Even things I didn't need to know. She did makeup videos! She worked at Starbucks! She swears in her makeup videos! SHE IZ 2 KEWL OMG U GUISE SHE IZ LYKE DA 1 N ONLY TRU GURUUUUUUU!! So I subscribed, and was thoroughly entertained. Until July of 2012. That's when it happened. THAT video. I could deal with her hipsterism and acting like she was so famous and her opinions are the only ones that mattered. But 'Beating A Dead Horse' is where I had my enlightenment. How can my savior, the girl that taught me how to pile on makeup, the girl who so lovingly referred to us, her fans, as twats and fuckers; how can this girl be a liar? Saying the "L" word almost seemed dirty. Rachel is not liar. Rachel is god. God wishes to be fierce (and totally not fat) like Rachel. There is no one above Rachel. Rachel is the social and moral arbiter of the (online) universe. But, unfortunately, I was born with a pesky disorder called "common sense". I was vaguely aware of a site called GURUGOSSIP, due in part to the gurus against GURUGOSSIP Initiative. Upon my first lurking of the site, I was appalled. They were talking badly about my dear Temptalia, Andrea, MichellePhan, Blair & Elle, and Rachel. My guru deities were perfect, these H8rs, these trolls were OBVS JST JELLY ND DESPARATE ND UNATTRATIVE ND UGALY ND HVE NO LVES CUZ DEY TLKIN BOUT MAH GURLZ. But I started reading, and could not stop. They had links, sources, PROOF of my once beloved deities CAUGHT in lies. That's when my fall from grace occurred. "How can they make money by lying to me? They don't really care about me or my (badly) applied makeup (thanks to their tutorials)? They just want money? (Except for Rachel, bitch is so desperate for fame she'll show up to the opening of an envelope)"
My vision became clearer, my speech, more eloquent than ever. So I decided to join this GURUGOSSIP site, months later. I felt free, I felt smart, and more importantly, I don't look like chola in drag anymore. If you, or someone you know, is becoming a pesky minion, please, direct them to lurk on this site. It has opened my eyes, and now I realize, the sun shines from space, and not Rachel's ass! :)
"Human decency is not derived from religion, it precedes it." Christopher Hitchens

the_sacrament
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Re: TRUE LIFE: I Used To Be A Minion

Post by the_sacrament » Tue Dec 18, 2012 11:35 pm

This was my attempt at satire, sorry for the long post. Lol :D
"Human decency is not derived from religion, it precedes it." Christopher Hitchens

ayayadrienne
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Re: TRUE LIFE: I Used To Be A Minion

Post by ayayadrienne » Wed Dec 19, 2012 12:09 am

LOL

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Re: TRUE LIFE: I Used To Be A Minion

Post by HattieChaos » Wed Dec 19, 2012 10:57 am

Ohmygod this is basically my story as well hahaha. You win all the awards.

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xLatteinParisx
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Re: TRUE LIFE: I Used To Be A Minion

Post by xLatteinParisx » Sat Dec 22, 2012 8:19 pm

Okay, this post made me completely and totally LOL big time. :')

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fukou
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Re: TRUE LIFE: I Used To Be A Minion

Post by fukou » Sat Dec 22, 2012 9:21 pm

"They just want money? (Except for Rachel, bitch is so desperate for fame she'll show up to the opening of an envelope)"

i lol'd becuz true

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maryxcat
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Re: TRUE LIFE: I Used To Be A Minion

Post by maryxcat » Mon Dec 24, 2012 12:38 pm

the title makes this thread sound so serious haha :D
Image

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xmadasahatter
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Re: TRUE LIFE: I Used To Be A Minion

Post by xmadasahatter » Fri Dec 28, 2012 12:07 pm

This is kind of similar to my "story".
I discovered her through her weight video on a Tumblr post around Christmas time two years ago. I subscribed to her and followed her on Tumblr. I thought she was the funniest person. I lived for her rant videos.
Then she started to annoy me and I her Tumblr posts seemed really ignorant so I unfollowed and unsubbed. Then I found this website and saw how horrible she actually was.
I wasn't a minion, but I did like her and enjoy her videos.

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Re: TRUE LIFE: I Used To Be A Minion

Post by Anonymous_Bitch » Mon Jan 07, 2013 8:31 am

This was hilarious! :D

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Re: TRUE LIFE: I Used To Be A Minion

Post by holly1414 » Mon Jan 07, 2013 9:04 pm

I think a lot of us think she's funny and different at first impression but the truth is quickly unveiled.

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MarlboroPrincess
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Re: TRUE LIFE: I Used To Be A Minion

Post by MarlboroPrincess » Sun Feb 24, 2013 5:04 pm

Best post here. It should be on the sign up page.
Gobble Gobble Gobble

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Re: TRUE LIFE: I Used To Be A Minion

Post by laurie » Sun Feb 24, 2013 5:38 pm

omg that was hilarious. and yup, we share the same story. i was a huge fan of rachel's ... until "that video".

welcome to gg. you'll enjoy your stay. :)

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BDuB
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Re: TRUE LIFE: I Used To Be A Minion

Post by BDuB » Mon Jun 17, 2013 6:27 pm

ahaha i didn't have this with Rachel i had it with Dulce, but i didn't know about GG i just started seeing a huge change, i think it takes one video to put you right off all of them.

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