First World Lidl Problems & The Case Of The Topiary In The Aston #40

[LicenseToLurk]

Dear diary,

Get. In. Formation. Cuz we is Dancing, peacocking and twirling into a new thread like.......... Towcester’s answer to The Queen Bea - BEYONCÉ (that’s totally how I see myself)

But my stans can call me KWEEN MEE

Butt sculpting leggings - check
Super smug face that makes you want to punch it - check
Gormless ‘insta husband’ in Position with iphone #pressproduct

Yes bitches, lets do this. Let’s peacock.

Camera focuses on my ass.

*the following narrative is the singing in my head*

And work it, work it, and twirl, twirl, (hams it up for the camera), keep twirling, I am Beyoncé, okay, okay, okay ladies, now let’s get in formation, cause I slay,
Okay, okay, ladies, now let’s get in formation, cause I slay
Prove to me you’ve got some coordination,
Cause I slay,
Slay trick, or you get eliminated (which you will, cause you ain’t got nothing on this ass, bitches)

SURFBORT
SURFBORT
SURFBORT
(Clench butt cheeks)

They all wish they were me, cuz I hot, look at my ass, look at my ass, look at my ass (and my forever happy place)

Feelin sexy, looking sexy for the haters on GG anddddddd SLUT DROP

*jazz hands*

Applause & whooping from insta-husband.
I take it. He’s not worthy. I am amazing. Conceited chuckle.

Oh diary, what an intro into my brand new thread!! Me being all sexy like, and dancing the haters into another 40 odd pages of talking about me! I’ve had no work all week (shh I pretended as it was my birthday, I was taking the week off), so I’ve been reading here everyday! Some folk would be so upset at the content, not me!! I’m so self unaware and super conceited, I love it! They’re all only jealous!! Snorrtt! *ugly laugh* they all wish they had MY forever home. They all wish they had MY signature fashun style (I’m so extra I even spell it differently). They are all jealous of MY favourite skincare products (I’m a skincare whore & will never reveal my actual favourites, boo) snort snort snort ugly laugh, snot bubble. Ahhhh it’s just so brilliant to be me!!!! Wait til they see my new staircases #prproduct my brilliance is such that my entire home will be dressed & furnished with anything & everything I can get my grubby, little paws on! I am milking my insta game while I can & himself is having a go too but I hate him being more popular than me which is why I periodically take the p*ss out of him to show people that he is clumsy & a bit dim. His dimness cannot stop my light from shining tho!! It’s exhausting being so super sexy with an ass that won’t quit. Having to pretend I’m training most mornings is taking its toll. So is pretending to actually get up before 11am. The drawbacks of being a super sassy girl boss I suppose. Sigh.
Ooh I love my forever home (even if it is filled with vermin and yes, I’m talking about Ali! Lolllllllllllllll) Oh the cats keep bringing me lil prethents bless them it’s so cute, we need to get David Attenborough round here to film all the wildlife, it’s all just so wonderful *twirls like Julie Andrews in ‘The Sound Of Music’

So buckle up, bitches, I’m not going anywhere, throws head back and snorts like a pig.. there’s going to be plenty more to slag and see from The Bungalow.. ** almighty crash in the background** “Ali, what have you done now you clumsy t*t? You’ve done what? Oh for goodness sake, I’ve got to go, theres an emergency with the pizza oven (#prproduct) & new patio furniture (more #prproduct) that’s just been delivered ... let’s hope Forrest Gump hasn’t broken it or I’ll have to beg for a new one. Sighhhhhssssss the hustle is real people, I work so harrddddddddd

Twirls off into garden ....

*Oh what a life, what a life for an insta-wife*

[hellom]

Thank you @LicenceToLurk for another amazing intro!

[Gusber]

Genius!! As always.

[Upintheair83]

That intro was brilliant! Thanks Licenseto lurk. I used to be a big fan of Lydia when she was in the old house, but she just infuriates me now. She wants all the nice things in life but doesn’t want to work for it. Her content is boring and unimaginative. Do you remember that vlog she did when she set up a time lapse in her luxe dining room and it was about 20mins solid of her and her friends playing a game Zzzzzzz How the hell is that creative?! It’s an actual insult that she posts all this crap. I’m sick of her being gifted expensive items and not having to work for it, I don’t know what will happen in years to come when she can’t kit out the bungalow in new things. It will be forever stuck in a 2019 edition of Instagram...because one day her popularity will wear off. They don’t seem to save at all, and I don’t know how people who claim they can afford an Aston Martin have to beg for Garden furniture! And now the interest of the week is a free pizza oven- it’s laughable- she won’t be making pizza she will just ring for her gluten free pizza from dominos and stick it in to keep it warm! Luxe! Just had enough of her, I don’t even watch her anymore I just come on here to see what she’s up to. Not much I see. All that about having a week off for her birthday- a week off from doing what? Slothing all day? Just had enough, some people work hard for their homes and set alarms at silly times like 3am to go to work. She’s just a freeloader and I hope people see her for what she is. Fur coat and no knickers- enough already

[PixelGirl]

Ace work Licence to Lurk

[Guest]

brilliant intro - gave me a little chuckle!

[hellom]

That intro was brilliant! Thanks Licenseto lurk. I used to be a big fan of Lydia when she was in the old house, but she just infuriates me now. She wants all the nice things in life but doesn’t want to work for it. Her content is boring and unimaginative. Do you remember that vlog she did when she set up a time lapse in her luxe dining room and it was about 20mins solid of her and her friends playing a game Zzzzzzz How the hell is that creative?! It’s an actual insult that she posts all this crap. I’m sick of her being gifted expensive items and not having to work for it, I don’t know what will happen in years to come when she can’t kit out the bungalow in new things. It will be forever stuck in a 2019 edition of Instagram...because one day her popularity will wear off. They don’t seem to save at all, and I don’t know how people who claim they can afford an Aston Martin have to beg for Garden furniture! And now the interest of the week is a free pizza oven- it’s laughable- she won’t be making pizza she will just ring for her gluten free pizza from dominos and stick it in to keep it warm! Luxe! Just had enough of her, I don’t even watch her anymore I just come on here to see what she’s up to. Not much I see. All that about having a week off for her birthday- a week off from doing what? Slothing all day? Just had enough, some people work hard for their homes and set alarms at silly times like 3am to go to work. She’s just a freeloader and I hope people see her for what she is. Fur coat and no knickers- enough already

Thank you Upintheair83, I think you make some really good points.
Also, who are these people who's inspired by her content these days?
What about her vlogs and daily life is inspirational? Public begging? Her cats murdering innocent animals? Labelling glass jars? Dusty champange glasses? her husband dressing up in a suit to walk in the garden? These things are not inspirational, they are fucking depressing! Why anyone would take her advice on either fashion, beauty or home decor is beyond me, when every aspect of her life is a pathetic mess.

[Iris1969]

That intro was brilliant! Thanks Licenseto lurk. I used to be a big fan of Lydia when she was in the old house, but she just infuriates me now. She wants all the nice things in life but doesn’t want to work for it. Her content is boring and unimaginative. Do you remember that vlog she did when she set up a time lapse in her luxe dining room and it was about 20mins solid of her and her friends playing a game Zzzzzzz How the hell is that creative?! It’s an actual insult that she posts all this crap. I’m sick of her being gifted expensive items and not having to work for it, I don’t know what will happen in years to come when she can’t kit out the bungalow in new things. It will be forever stuck in a 2019 edition of Instagram...because one day her popularity will wear off. They don’t seem to save at all, and I don’t know how people who claim they can afford an Aston Martin have to beg for Garden furniture! And now the interest of the week is a free pizza oven- it’s laughable- she won’t be making pizza she will just ring for her gluten free pizza from dominos and stick it in to keep it warm! Luxe! Just had enough of her, I don’t even watch her anymore I just come on here to see what she’s up to. Not much I see. All that about having a week off for her birthday- a week off from doing what? Slothing all day? Just had enough, some people work hard for their homes and set alarms at silly times like 3am to go to work. She’s just a freeloader and I hope people see her for what she is. Fur coat and no knickers- enough already

Thank you Upintheair83, I think you make some really good points.
Also, who are these people who's inspired by her content these days?
What about her vlogs and daily life is inspirational? Public begging? Her cats murdering innocent animals? Labelling glass jars? Dusty champange glasses? her husband dressing up in a suit to walk in the garden? These things are not inspirational, they are fucking depressing! Why anyone would take her advice on either fashion, beauty or home decor is beyond me, when every aspect of her life is a pathetic mess.

So true!

The people that still worship her (which imo is questionable behaviour in itself for an adult ) are just as delusional as she is.

[missstarlight]

Spot on! Amazing intro!

I actually think Lydia is so disrespectful to her viewers. She doesn't think about her minions... she only cares about herself and what she can shill. She's definitely one of those 'I've done that- that's done and I just want to get paid. No respect for those who got her to where she is.
IF she was thinking about her viewers, she would post better content but no... not Lydia.
She doesn't think like a true master of their craft.
True artists and masters create things not only for the joy and love of creating something- they are constantly willing to push the boundary, to be creative, to be inspirational... Lydia is none of those things.
She's not a creator- she's just a doer. I'll JUST do that. That's just her.
Do the bare minimum- that's what you are Lydia.

[LicenseToLurk]

D71E5E48-5C90-4A1E-98F4-1120319D7D9E.jpeg

[Sausageparty]

Haha this is brilliant well done

[peasoup]

Oh the tweet on climate change infuriates me! This is the woman who drove a range rover and has more cars than needed for someone who doesn't do anything, constantly renovates her bungalow, constantly begs for freebies to be delivered, goes on influencer trips to bora bora, day trips to paris, and she's got the audacity to pretend to care about the environment. It's laughable!

Also that vegan 'cake' she baked looks like a disgusting big, crumbly wart, I bet it does indeed taste insane - insanely bad.

[LicenseToLurk]

B74C3ECA-887B-412B-8CE4-A0D2E635B03A.jpeg

Cancel David Attenborough, guys. Alistair Keith has got this covered. Here is a PENGUIN.

[Pepper0506]

B74C3ECA-887B-412B-8CE4-A0D2E635B03A.jpeg

Cancel David Attenborough, guys. Alistair Keith has got this covered. Here is a PENGUIN.

He's such a thick twat

[hellom]

Oh the tweet on climate change infuriates me! This is the woman who drove a range rover and has more cars than needed for someone who doesn't do anything, constantly renovates her bungalow, constantly begs for freebies to be delivered, goes on influencer trips to bora bora, day trips to paris, and she's got the audacity to pretend to care about the environment. It's laughable!

Also that vegan 'cake' she baked looks like a disgusting big, crumbly wart, I bet it does indeed taste insane - insanely bad.

I agree. It makes my skin crawl when these materialistic, super-consumer influencers talks about being 'eco-consious'. I highly doubt Lydia can even spell the word sustainable. Simply because it's trendy they do something like stop bying plastic water bottles (like the rest of us stopped doing ages ago) or get rid of their Nespresso machine and suddenly they think that they are single handedly saving the planet while still being driven in private cars to events, going on over the top #presstrips and constantly promoting new shit. It's really disgusting actually.

[GeorgeePorgee]

Spot on! Amazing intro!

I actually think Lydia is so disrespectful to her viewers. She doesn't think about her minions... she only cares about herself and what she can shill. She's definitely one of those 'I've done that- that's done and I just want to get paid. No respect for those who got her to where she is.
IF she was thinking about her viewers, she would post better content but no... not Lydia.
She doesn't think like a true master of their craft.
True artists and masters create things not only for the joy and love of creating something- they are constantly willing to push the boundary, to be creative, to be inspirational... Lydia is none of those things.
She's not a creator- she's just a doer. I'll JUST do that. That's just her.
Do the bare minimum- that's what you are Lydia.

So true...
Beg, borrow & shill

[blink_fink]

D71E5E48-5C90-4A1E-98F4-1120319D7D9E.jpeg

Another menial task she has to shout to the world because surprise surprise, she finally picked up her laptop to work her usual 2 hours per month.

[santana57]

And here we go again starting the working week with a begging session. Not only does she want a console table she has specified the style and colour, she will be putting up measurements next. Plus has there been any developments on the 'sunken courtyard' recently? Maybe relevant companies didn't take the bait and she hasn't been able to finish it. Carrie and Hitler boy you need to beg harder!

[Guest]

And here we go again starting the working week with a begging session. Not only does she want a console table she has specified the style and colour, she will be putting up measurements next. Plus has there been any developments on the 'sunken courtyard' recently? Maybe relevant companies didn't take the bait and she hasn't been able to finish it. Carrie and Hitler boy you need to beg harder!

The friggin emoji with the monkey covering it's mouth code for BEGGING!! Insufferable!

[Iris1969]

And here we go again starting the working week with a begging session. Not only does she want a console table she has specified the style and colour, she will be putting up measurements next. Plus has there been any developments on the 'sunken courtyard' recently? Maybe relevant companies didn't take the bait and she hasn't been able to finish it. Carrie and Hitler boy you need to beg harder!

The friggin emoji with the monkey covering it's mouth code for BEGGING!! Insufferable!

Maybe it sounds a little far fetched, but I think she is unconsciously covering her own mouth by using this emoji, as that is something that people that lie excessively and chronically often do (just like frequent nose touching, something that she also does).