Long distance guy inciting jealousy?

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RoseHammer
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Long distance guy inciting jealousy?

Post by RoseHammer »

So I've been in a long distance relationship for only about a month now. Things aren't really set in stone, though we agreed to meet up in a month or two. I personally don't see it as that serious, but I do feel John ( we'll call him John for now ) is already acting a bit needy. He's always complaining about issues at his job, but there's one habit that I feel is kind of scaring me off. He always mentions that he's constantly being hit on, that his female friends, coworkers, ect. have crushes on him and come onto him 24/7. He's even filing a sexual harrassment suit against a female coworker. He claims that he's only interested in me and I don't have anything to worry about; and that's cool with me. He's a sweet guy and I do like him.

But I can't help but be annoyed when he'll regularly, randomly bring up the fact that women throw themselves at him left and right. Would that get on your nerves?

I told him that it was bothering me as well. He apologized, but I really want my space from him now. A bit ironic for a long distance relationship. I already have my doubts of whether or not this is going to work.

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Re: Long distance guy inciting jealousy?

Post by Pastel »

Honestly that would bother me too. Is the issue that you feel he might act on it, or is it more just an annoyance thing?

To me it kinda seems like he's trying to make you feel "lucky" or whatever that he's chosen you when he has ALL THE OPTIONS. Especially since you're saying he can be kinda needy. If this is where he's coming from, it may be actually happening or something he just says for whatever reason. I don't know, though, I don't want to make you overly suspicious either. :D

In any case, I'd say think about if you like him enough to be dealing with this. Maybe meeting up helps. It might be worth it, it might not be.
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Re: Long distance guy inciting jealousy?

Post by RoseHammer »

It's really more of an annoyance thing. He's good looking and charming so he can't help it if he attracts attention, but it just feels like he's rubbing my face in it. I don't get hit on that much ( stared at a lot, but not hit on ) so I don't know what it's like from his perspective.

I've had guys pull this sort of thing before out of malice and I've been done with it for a while. I'm thinking to just tell him to slow down until we meet up.

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Re: Long distance guy inciting jealousy?

Post by God »

I would be annoyed too.

It's a massive red flag!


I say stay away from him. You wouldn't want to be involved in a serious relationship later on with a person like that. It can only cause problems and emotional damage. It's just too shady. If you have nothing to worry about, then he wouldn't need to mention all this attention he gets from females. If he keeps getting attention from them while he's with you, it's obvious he's also not doing anything about it to shut it down.

I wouldn't fall for his shit.

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Re: Long distance guy inciting jealousy?

Post by Rolaskatox »

I feel like I read that on a "signs of an abusive relationship" list or maybe "signs your partner is manipulative" or something of the sort.

I believe the gist of it was that when partners mention they are being hit on, it is to make you purposely feel jealous. It's them kinda being like "I'm desirable. All these women want me. You should be lucky that I pick you when I have more options."

Of course, he could be doing it without realizing that it is coming across that way.

I was in a long distance relationship and it was to the point where the guy constantly talked about other girls and after awhile he wanted an open relationship. The talk eventually stopped but the jealousy didn't. It killed the relationship.

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Re: Long distance guy inciting jealousy?

Post by RoseHammer »

Rolaskatox wrote: Of course, he could be doing it without realizing that it is coming across that way. .
I'm thinking he's doing it unknowingly because he comes off as a well intentioned guy and seems to really dig me. However, I told him that I want to slow things down and let each other see other people. I'm much older and wiser since my last LD relationship so I'm not going to put all my eggs in one basket until I know things may actually go somewhere. I just have a much lower threshold for bullshit these days with my job and school being priority, :tu:

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Re: Long distance guy inciting jealousy?

Post by SayWhaaat »

RoseHammer wrote:
Rolaskatox wrote: Of course, he could be doing it without realizing that it is coming across that way. .
I'm thinking he's doing it unknowingly because he comes off as a well intentioned guy and seems to really dig me. However, I told him that I want to slow things down and let each other see other people. I'm much older and wiser since my last LD relationship so I'm not going to put all my eggs in one basket until I know things may actually go somewhere. I just have a much lower threshold for bullshit these days with my job and school being priority, :tu:
He strikes me as being insecure. A need to validate his attractiveness, to you and himself.

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