Been dating for a month. Should we do long distance?

Post Reply
User avatar
VeronicaSawyer

Been dating for a month. Should we do long distance?

Post by VeronicaSawyer » Thu May 08, 2014 5:50 pm

So I've been dating my current boyfriend for about a month. We met online and he made it pretty clear that he wanted a committed and monogamous relationship right from the getgo, and started calling me his girlfriend almost immediately. I would have been fine with something casual but it was nice that he knew what he wanted and we didn't have to exist in the are we or aren't we limbo for an extended period of time. I really like him--pretty much falling for him head over heels. We get along very well and I enjoy spending time with him...my mind may be clouded with infatuation right now...but I really do like him, a lot. We've spent nearly every night together, either in his dorm (he's in law school) or mine (I'm in college).

Now here comes the issue. He's staying here to work over the summer, but I am going home, also to work, and live rent free with the parentals. He offered to let me stay with him over the summer, but I said no, because I'm not that crazy, haha. Anyway, the other night, we were just sort of doing our own thing on our computers, and I look over and see that he is Skype messaging someone named Sarah. I try to fight it, but I am kind of the jealous type and something didn't seem right so I asked him who she was. I was expecting her to just be a female friend...but no. He said she was someone he had a fling with and they were talking about when they could meet--not for a while, until he's done with the school year, but still. I was pretty upset...I mean, he was messaging some other girl he'd had sex with before about meeting up, after I'm gone.

So I realized I must have misinterpreted things. He was planning on seeing other people over the summer and I was not. I told him this, and he said he was only talking to that other girl because he was under the impression that I did not want to continue things while I was gone. When I said I did, he was pretty apologetic. He confided in me that he'd never done long distance before, and that he wouldn't know what to do. I have, for periods of time a lot longer than three months, so it just doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me, especially because I know I'll for sure be coming back, and we'll just have to get through these three months.

But now I'm questioning things. It doesn't feel right to break up, or see other people, but I'm not sure if it feels right to do long distance, either. We haven't known each other for that long. I don't want to lose him, or this relationship. I don't want to wait three months and then come back and be together again, knowing that he has had sex with other people. For whatever reason that just feels so wrong to me. If he can't commit to me then we shouldn't be together. But is it worth it to try long distance? I just don't know. I'm very confused.

Any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you! <3

viadrozz
Lurker
Lurker
Posts: 22
Joined: Mon Dec 10, 2012 3:46 am
Has thanked: 0
Been thanked: 0

Re: Been dating for a month. Should we do long distance?

Post by viadrozz » Sat May 10, 2014 6:48 am

it's been a month and there's already drama. Long distances don't work well with drama and jealousy. Honestly, imo. get your life sorted. it seems like your at the cross roads in your life right now, working, saving, college etc etc. A relationship, esp long distance is already difficult and if you two are at different points in your life then the odds aren't just against you, it's overwhelming against you... and the 'fling' isn't going to do much more than causing drama.

From personal experiences, long distances only work if the couple have been together for say 3-4 years before the long distance bit. Also my personal motto is 'if you don't know, then remember that there's a 'no' in 'i don't know'.
i've always followed that rule and it's never screwed me over in the last 7 years.

there is nothing wrong with leaving him to do him and you do you and maybe in the future, if you two are more stable, got your lives sorted, he got his 'young man ambitions' out the way etc. then give it another go.

but if a guy told me that he wants a monogamous relationship and then without checking with me sudden 'assumes' that it's suddenly okay to talk to other girls the first thing i'm thinking is 'LIARRRRRRRR. its shady. shadddyyyyyyyyyy as hell.

cut your losses, work on moving up in life and the right guy who will be your equal in though, intelligence and everything else possible will just pop right up in front of you. and believe me, you'll be happy that you didn't waste your time on a guy who doesn't know the definition of monogamous.

User avatar
VeronicaSawyer

Re: Been dating for a month. Should we do long distance?

Post by VeronicaSawyer » Sat May 10, 2014 8:03 am

Thank you so much for your reply!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Post Reply

Return to “Long Distance Relationship”