Getting over someone..

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Izabella

Getting over someone..

Post by Izabella » Sun Jan 19, 2014 3:25 pm

Hey guys,
So I was seeing this guy for 6 years. We started off as dating but turned into FWB for the next few years. I met him when I was 14, so he was my first everything. During the time we were "off" I tried getting myself out there and meeting new people, even dated someone for 6 months, but I never felt a connection like I did with him. I knew I was getting too emotionally involved but couldn't resist him when he would call me. We wouldn't just meet up and hook up.. we'd talk hours on the phone too. The reason we couldn't be in a relationship is because his religion is very strict with interracial marriages, and his parents would "disown" him if he married outside his religion or background. So we knew being in a relationship was pointless since it would have to come to an end eventually, but we still hung out and acted like we were in a relationship, without actually being in one.
Anyways, I finally cut him off at the beginning of July. We got in a huge argument over the phone, and he's always been a bit disrespectful but he went overboard this time and really insulted me, so I was like I'm done with him. I changed my number, and haven't heard from him since (it's been 7 whole months since then). I know it may have been immature for me to change my number, but in the past when I've asked him to stop contacting me, he'd agree but still contact me a month later and I wouldn't be able to ignore him. I knew he'd call me again when I was done being mad, and continue on as if nothing happened so I had to change my number.
I've been having a really hard time getting over him. It's been 7 months without contact and still can't stop thinking about him. I just recently stopped stalking his social media. Even when I don't think about him during the day, I'll have dreams about him and end up thinking about him first thing when I wake up. I've tried putting myself out there in terms of meeting new people but it's so hard to find a connection with other guys. I'm even on POF and it's not really getting me anywhere. I don't want to contact him again, I just want to stop thinking about it as much as I do. I'm really busy with school now which is a nice distraction, but before bed or during class or on the bus, I'll still think about him. It gets me really depressed sometimes. Sometimes I have such a strong urge to message him, since I still memorize his number, especially when I get drunk but thankfully stop myself every single time. Any suggestions? :( Should I find a "rebound".. someone where I won't really have an emotional connection with but to have fun with, does that actually work? I've hooked up with a guy since then but it was a one night thing only.

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MissMurder
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Re: Getting over someone..

Post by MissMurder » Sun Jan 19, 2014 4:04 pm

Ahh stuff like that sucks. :\
If you were to contact him, do you know what you would say? Would it be to try to get back together again or to just talk?
I wouldn't usually suggest this, but since you said it's been several months and you've tried to distract yourself to no avail, I'd suggest trying to talk to him. I'm not sure if it would be the best idea 'though, because the thing is that you have to be prepared for any kind of reaction from him, assuming you don't know him well enough to already know what it would be.
Agh these kind of things suck because you don't want to "give in", but at the same time, it's just an urge you can't help but feel.
But if you Do contact him and he continues to be disrespectful, don't take that crap!
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Izabella

Re: Getting over someone..

Post by Izabella » Sun Jan 19, 2014 4:11 pm

He's probably insulted I changed my number on him and never bothered to say anything, so if I were to contact him after all this time I feel like his reaction would be like lol why are you even contacting me, bye. He's stubborn and has lots of pride, just like I do (I know if it was reversed and he changed his number then tried to contact me, I would ignore him just out of spite). Which would make me feel even worse haha. I just want to stop thinking about him altogether, I know there's no chance of us "being together" because if it were possible, I feel like after 6 years he would have tried to make it happen. I don't even know what I would want out of him if I did contact him. Probably an apology for being such an a$s to me but he never apologizes (one huge flaw I started to notice later towards the end). I just want to completely get over him and move on :(

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Re: Getting over someone..

Post by NicknameFree » Sun Jan 19, 2014 7:29 pm

I think you need closure. I was in the same boat (except he was a player and we were never fwb, we were just close friends, not the point though) anyways we just stopped talking to each other (for about a year) and I missed him. Just recently, I talked to him and I feel 100x better, like I can finally move on. No guarantees but it worked for me. Hope I sorta helped even though I basically suggested what MissMurder was also suggesting.

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Re: Getting over someone..

Post by MissMurder » Tue Jan 21, 2014 9:00 pm

^You explained it much better, 'though. xD
Whether you decide to talk to him or not, continue doing things you enjoy when you find yourself thinking of that person. Like going out for walks or listening to music or whatever you like. You can even just spend the time doing a hair and face mask that makes you feel freaking awesome, blast your favourite song, and go out somewhere even if it's by yourself. And don't feel bad or weird if you do think about him from time to time, I think it's normal to. Just don't feel pressured to have to go out with someone meanwhile! Whatever you decide to do, I hope it works and know that you can get through this, as cliche and annoying as that sounds! You got this.
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Re: Getting over someone..

Post by lacrymosa » Sun Jan 26, 2014 3:18 pm

This sounds identical to me and my ex. Long story short, it took me over a year to get over him and i never contacted him during that time. A part of me is glad i didn't, i eventually moved on and have been in a new relationship for 2 years now. But to this day, a part of me is still incredibly angry with him and myself that we never sorted things out. I knew the relationship was doomed and unsaveable, but i would've liked to have a mature discussion with him over what went wrong and ended on an adult term, not the screaming emotional match we had over the phone.

I don't know, it's complicated. He treated me really badly and i would've liked to have had some closure and got him to realise how he made me feel, but i missed that opportunity. Since found out he has been with someone else for a while now so i feel our moment of closure has passed. We've both moved on, yet i don't think my soul will ever be 100% healed until i talk to him again. Weird, i know.

So basically, i pretty much regret not making that phone call, because i feel it would have made me get over him a lot quicker. Other than that all i can recommend is time, it really does heal most things.

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Re: Getting over someone..

Post by MzK » Wed Mar 05, 2014 2:33 pm

I'm in the same boat of trying to get over someone, but this person is not an ex or anything. Just someone I was interested but I guess it didn't turned out the way I wanted.

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