Break ups!

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chippy
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Break ups!

Post by chippy » Fri May 10, 2013 2:16 am

Hi all,
I would love some advice on my most recent break up. I broke it off even though I still love him because the relationship just got too messy and I felt like we weren't making each other happy. Of course now I regret it all and would do anything to get him back (sounds lame but I think he just may be the love of my life) BUT there is one problem. He got a new girlfriend within a week of us breaking up. I know that that is already a reason to move on but I know he did it out of desperation and to distract himself from the hurt (or at least I think that's the reason).
What is your opinion on this? Move on or wait it out and tell him how I feel?
Has anyone else been in this situation? Has anyone been the "new girl" in this kind of circumstance?
Any words of encouragement are greatly appreciated!!
Love, Chippy x
Please visit my blog www.saikousisters.wordpress.com :)

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Re: Break ups!

Post by Goat » Fri May 10, 2013 10:06 am

chippy wrote:He got a new girlfriend within a week of us breaking up. I know that that is already a reason to move on but I know he did it out of desperation and to distract himself from the hurt (or at least I think that's the reason).
What is your opinion on this? Move on or wait it out and tell him how I feel?
Has anyone else been in this situation? Has anyone been the "new girl" in this kind of circumstance?
Any words of encouragement are greatly appreciated!!
Firstly, never make assumptions in situations like this. If your ex did not directly tell you he is with this new girl as a rebound do not assume he is. It is definitely a red flag (and somewhat immature behavior) so you are in the right to become suspicious. Rather be safe than sorry! The worse thing you can do it lead yourself one to believe his feelings are different than reality.

While I have not been the 'new girl' in a situation like this, I was in your position with someone at one point. We broke up on his terms, he left immediately for a new girl (therefor I suspected some kind of cheating/flirting was going on during our relationship), and when he gets second thoughts or becomes unsure of his new relationship he comes back to me in an emotional, guilt-ridden mess while still in a relationship. This has been a pattern with this guy for years now and it still continues to this day.

How old are you both? How long where you two together and when did you break up? Was the relationship becoming a stressor a long time before you ended it or was it sudden change? Has your ex been familiar with his new girlfriend before? Are you two still in touch, and if so, how often? All of these things help!
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chippy
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Re: Break ups!

Post by chippy » Fri May 10, 2013 4:29 pm

Goat wrote:
chippy wrote:He got a new girlfriend within a week of us breaking up. I know that that is already a reason to move on but I know he did it out of desperation and to distract himself from the hurt (or at least I think that's the reason).
What is your opinion on this? Move on or wait it out and tell him how I feel?
Has anyone else been in this situation? Has anyone been the "new girl" in this kind of circumstance?
Any words of encouragement are greatly appreciated!!
Firstly, never make assumptions in situations like this. If your ex did not directly tell you he is with this new girl as a rebound do not assume he is. It is definitely a red flag (and somewhat immature behavior) so you are in the right to become suspicious. Rather be safe than sorry! The worse thing you can do it lead yourself one to believe his feelings are different than reality.

While I have not been the 'new girl' in a situation like this, I was in your position with someone at one point. We broke up on his terms, he left immediately for a new girl (therefor I suspected some kind of cheating/flirting was going on during our relationship), and when he gets second thoughts or becomes unsure of his new relationship he comes back to me in an emotional, guilt-ridden mess while still in a relationship. This has been a pattern with this guy for years now and it still continues to this day.

How old are you both? How long where you two together and when did you break up? Was the relationship becoming a stressor a long time before you ended it or was it sudden change? Has your ex been familiar with his new girlfriend before? Are you two still in touch, and if so, how often? All of these things help!
Thanks so much for your response! We are both in our early 20s, together for 2.5years. Our relationship was getting pretty tumtultuous so I broke it off albeit for selfish reasons (hence all the regret). Gf is a new person in his life introduced to him by a friends gf but the thing that really gets me is that she is 5years his junior. We aren't talking because he said he isn't ready. We did live together for almost a year before I moved out. After that we tried working things out but it felt like we were on different pages. I think the break up was a little bit of a surprise for him.
Please visit my blog www.saikousisters.wordpress.com :)

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Re: Break ups!

Post by MDNA » Sat May 11, 2013 12:12 am

Him moving on so quickly after your break up shows he has no respect for you or what you guys had together. He's not worth it. Forget him.

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Re: Break ups!

Post by urmotherwasahamster » Fri May 17, 2013 7:01 pm

MDNA wrote:Him moving on so quickly after your break up shows he has no respect for you or what you guys had together. He's not worth it. Forget him.
^This. :/ I actually think you did a great thing by breaking it off, though I'm not sure exactly what was going on. Good for you, girl!
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Re: Break ups!

Post by chippy » Sat May 18, 2013 8:54 pm

Hi!

It's been a while since I posted this and thank you to those that took the time to read and to respond :D
I've decided just to move on now. Re-evaluated all the reasons why I broke up despite loving him and I realised that I made the right decision. If we do get back together it will be a long loooooong time from now when we have both grown as people and are able to have a mature relationship. But I am definitely not counting on it and not waiting around!

To those going through a tough time during a break up: chin up! Remember that once you hit rock bottom, the only way is up. Things will start to improve before you know it and you'll be back on your feet again. I'm speaking from experience!

:love2:
Please visit my blog www.saikousisters.wordpress.com :)

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