Finding Breakup Very Difficult

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RoisinDubh17
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Finding Breakup Very Difficult

Post by RoisinDubh17 » Mon Dec 14, 2015 2:40 pm

Hi all.

I am slightly scared of the responses I might get but here it goes.

I've known my ex boyfriend for 4 years in a month. We were best friends also and got on great and had so much fun together. My old friends ditched me after my poor Mum got a transplant and I didn't want to hang out for a while. He was there with me all through that and the social anxiety that it brought on. It happened in 2013. New Years this year, we flew to London. He got mad at me for being nervous in the airport. I am terrified of flying and terrified of losing my valium and not taking it at the right time. This is when it all began. He had depression before and his moods started going from high to low from Jan this year.

In 2013 I got extremely drunk at his house and his Mother never saw me again and I only went back to the house once when the family where away. She blamed me this year for his mental health problems. For him not going out to see his friends etc. That I caused him to be sick.

We went on a break in August and we were kind of together up until December. We were exclusive anyway.

He went away at the end of November around Ireland. He told me 2 weeks prior he wanted to do it for his mental health. I was upset at first then said fe*c it, why shouldn't he do it? I want him to heal. He barely contacted me, which I expected. I was worried something happened to him on the way home and text him a few times and even checked RTE News to see if there was any car crashes . He text me on the Sunday to say he got home safe and that he didnt want to see me again. We met up that night and he told me he met someone else.

I got a message from a friend that he uploaded a picture of him and the girl on his Facebook. He had blocked me at this point, it was 4 days after he dumped me when she told me. He uploaded these pictures 2 hours after he dumped me. I demanded he come down to me and explain himself. He did. He said he just spent 2 days with her talking to her and kissed her goodbye. I stupidly forgave him and had sex with him in his car.

I went home to block the girl on Facebook. I saw she was American. That he's never going to see her again. That she was also only 18. He's 24. That creeped me out, we always say how young my sister is and shes almost 18. He also took her to a place called New Bridge farm - where we had so many good memories. And a restaurant we always went to.

Five days later we went out to my other house in the southside. He broke down and told me all about his illness. How the anti depressants have been effecting him badly. Memory loss etc. He told me he felt like a creep. I was proud of myself as I kept my cool and put my feelings aside. I told him I wouldn't be able to trust him again and I dont want a relationship. He just kept crying saying how much he screwed up losing his girlfriend and her.

That hurt a lot. He called her an amazing girl on FB. How dare he like ?? He knew he 5 days. I stood by him through his illness. He will never know her faults, what gets her into bad moods etc.

He explained they met at one of his B&B's that he stayed in. They stayed in the same room for two nights and didnt have sex - Only thing I know that wasnt a lie and I dont even want to think about that not being true.

He told me he would unblock me on Facebook and delete this girl. So on Wednesday I made another FB account (I wanted to know if he was lying). I saw that he deleted her and it was sad how happy that made me. The next day I went to look again and he had re-added her and liked her recently changed FB profile pic. I know its sad but I had to know. I rang him that night and he was so mad at me. I told him he shouldnt have lied. He clearly didnt feel like a creep and was fine with it and wants to cling onto a relationship thats never going to happen. I told him I was deleting his number and not to contact me again. In the background of the call, I heard his Mother saying hang up on that b****.

I got a text last night saying, 'Hey, just checkin in. How you been'. Its only been 3 days since I told him to leave me alone. He also unblocked me on Facebook ?

Anyway. If anyone has any tips on moving on it would be great. I feel like I am waiting for an apology that I am never going to get. His moods change so much and if he asks me out I want to be able to say no and have that strength. I dont think he will contact me again. Kind of hope not. Hope is such an awful thing though.

I am just exhausted. His mood changes have been ruining my life and I can't believe I've only noticed it now. I thought I might have depression but turns out it was just his moods. He used to laugh at me. He would say he loved me then ignore me all of the next day. I don't want to diagnose him but the doctor said it was like psychosis which is terrifying.

He told me he was suicidal last week. I don't know if it was a lie or not but it wasn't fair putting that on me and I don't want to be worrying about him. Thats making it hard to move on.

He also blamed me for the cheating somehow. I know now I can keep my head held high. I stood by him. He embarrassed me on Facebook and everyone knows he went off with an 18 yr old American who's just out of High School.

I deleted the text last night and his number is gone too. I'm going to Amsterdam in Jan, Scotland in Feb and Florida/Boston/NY in May with family so its nice to have that to look forward to and a great support system around me.

My family and friends all hate him now. I know he is sick but I need to move on. And he needs to get well. Any tips of getting over him would be great and not feeling worried about him because of his mental health.

I feel like this has been an emotionally abusive relationship. Wants me, doesnt want me, blames me for him cheating, tells me how much his Mother hates me and tells me what she says, puts me down etc.

And how dare he text me last night when I told him to stop. Its only been 3 days why is he checking on me ? So exhausting but I know he's ill.

70% of the day I'm like I'm better off alone but the other 30% is feeling so low.

Many thanks if anyone has the time to read all the drama lol :love2:

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Re: Finding Breakup Very Difficult

Post by Tapestry » Mon Dec 14, 2015 7:02 pm

Gosh, I'm sorry to read this is happening. My first instinct was to just tell you to block him, but then I saw you're worried because you know he's ill. It's very sweet of you after all that he put you through, but you need to put yourself first. You're in no way obliged to be in contact with him anymore just because he feels he needs it. The only real way to move on is to stop checking up on him (I know it's hard) and don't talk to him. Down the line, if you're feeling better about the situation and feel reaching out can be done in a healthier manner, go for it. But for now it doesn't sound like something you should continue to allow yourself to be exposed to.

Maybe even tell him that, that you just need to take a few months no contact and see where to go from there. If he can't understand that, he's in it for himself and not for you.

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Re: Finding Breakup Very Difficult

Post by Naldia » Mon Dec 14, 2015 11:33 pm

I understand what you going through really sorry this happen to you.
I been in sorta same situation but all I could advise you do not wait for him, it's unfair on his end to guilt you it's not a healthy relationship for both of you guys.

You really need to think about your self and block him out of your life, it's hard as hell to let go but don't give up.

Remember you deserve better than this emotional abuse
english is my second language(๑′ᴗ‵๑)☀
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Re: Finding Breakup Very Difficult

Post by RoisinDubh17 » Tue Dec 15, 2015 4:15 am

Tapestry wrote:Gosh, I'm sorry to read this is happening. My first instinct was to just tell you to block him, but then I saw you're worried because you know he's ill. It's very sweet of you after all that he put you through, but you need to put yourself first. You're in no way obliged to be in contact with him anymore just because he feels he needs it. The only real way to move on is to stop checking up on him (I know it's hard) and don't talk to him. Down the line, if you're feeling better about the situation and feel reaching out can be done in a healthier manner, go for it. But for now it doesn't sound like something you should continue to allow yourself to be exposed to.

Maybe even tell him that, that you just need to take a few months no contact and see where to go from there. If he can't understand that, he's in it for himself and not for you.
I decided to come off FB for a few days to clear my head. His Facebook is on private so I can't see anything, only his mutual friends and profile picture. He doesn't update his profile pic - like once a year! - so I don't think he will do that.

I hope he got the message when I didnt reply to him on Sunday. If he texts me again a few times I think Ill message or call him that I want to cut off all contact. I can handle it well, thank God. Just don't feel like I want to block him on FB ? X

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Re: Finding Breakup Very Difficult

Post by RoisinDubh17 » Tue Dec 15, 2015 4:15 am

Naldia wrote:I understand what you going through really sorry this happen to you.
I been in sorta same situation but all I could advise you do not wait for him, it's unfair on his end to guilt you it's not a healthy relationship for both of you guys.

You really need to think about your self and block him out of your life, it's hard as hell to let go but don't give up.

Remember you deserve better than this emotional abuse
It really is just emotional abuse. Which is awful.

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Re: Finding Breakup Very Difficult

Post by chunkemonke » Tue Dec 15, 2015 9:08 am

I cried reading your post. I hope thats not weird. But I've gone pretty much the same situation this year, and I'm still kind of have PTSD tendencies. I'm over it, but I'm not. I still struggle every once in a while. But not as much. And I am so glad I made the decision to make it a permanent break up and I think you will too. In the long run you have to take care of yourself, and removing yourself from such a toxic and unhealthy relationship is the best thing you can do for yourself AND for him. I truly believe you would both thank yourselves in the future. My breakup happened just under 6 months ago. The first two months were the worst, relapsed into my ED, and depressive episodes (dealt with depression a few years ago.) The second two months were still extremely painful but I started seeing it was for the better.

PM me if you would like to talk. I am so sorry for what you're going through.

Yes, I also got hit with the suicidal letters and confessions (I already knew he felt this way in the past when we first met, he said he used to be.) We had also known each for around 4 years, and dated for 3. I feel like I'm reading my own situation (or base plot) with just different characters/details interchanged.

You will get through this, life sucks yeah, but life also rocks once you get to the good points.

*The way I handled the suicidal threat was (I had already blocked him on social media at this point.) was contact his family members, Grandparents and mom, and made them aware, and then removed myself from the situation and blocked them as well.*

PS. Proud of you, you are really strong and smart. Don't let yourself think otherwise.

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Re: Finding Breakup Very Difficult

Post by RoisinDubh17 » Tue Dec 15, 2015 10:56 am

chunkemonke wrote:I cried reading your post. I hope thats not weird. But I've gone pretty much the same situation this year, and I'm still kind of have PTSD tendencies. I'm over it, but I'm not. I still struggle every once in a while. But not as much. And I am so glad I made the decision to make it a permanent break up and I think you will too. In the long run you have to take care of yourself, and removing yourself from such a toxic and unhealthy relationship is the best thing you can do for yourself AND for him. I truly believe you would both thank yourselves in the future. My breakup happened just under 6 months ago. The first two months were the worst, relapsed into my ED, and depressive episodes (dealt with depression a few years ago.) The second two months were still extremely painful but I started seeing it was for the better.

PM me if you would like to talk. I am so sorry for what you're going through.

Yes, I also got hit with the suicidal letters and confessions (I already knew he felt this way in the past when we first met, he said he used to be.) We had also known each for around 4 years, and dated for 3. I feel like I'm reading my own situation (or base plot) with just different characters/details interchanged.

You will get through this, life sucks yeah, but life also rocks once you get to the good points.

*The way I handled the suicidal threat was (I had already blocked him on social media at this point.) was contact his family members, Grandparents and mom, and made them aware, and then removed myself from the situation and blocked them as well.*

PS. Proud of you, you are really strong and smart. Don't let yourself think otherwise.
Aw no of course its ok to cry. Sorry you dealt with the same thing, its exhausting. Ill PM you of course. And thanks pet :love2:

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