When do I bring up the abuse?

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Glamcourtney
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When do I bring up the abuse?

Post by Glamcourtney » Wed Apr 29, 2015 12:14 am

Hey yall. So I am 25 years old; I'm currently waiting to receive a court date to finalize my divorce from my abusive husband. We were married for four years, and the physical, sexual and verbal abuse went on for a good 3.5 years of it. I moved out of our house in December of last year and found a divorce attorney soon after. I had pretty much "checked out" of our marriage by August/September of last year, so I've been in the healing process for many months now.

Fast forward to this month. I went on a date with a new guy on April 3rd. I'd been on a few dates with several other men before, but nothing had ever come of it. I don't seem to have any trust issues or anything like that; turns out I'm pretty resilient. Anyway, so this guy asked me to be his girlfriend last weekend, and every moment we spend together, we are all smiles and we are just absolutely smitten with each other. We're definitely still getting to know each other, but I really really like him, and I know he feels the same way, if not moreso. My only concern is, I have not given him any details surrounding my marriage. All he knows is that I'm getting a divorce and my ex "isn't a good person." Beyond that, he hasn't asked questions and I haven't divulged details.

However, I feel like he has a right to know. I owe him an explanation for my jumpy, skittish behavior and my compulsive tendencies. My question for yall is: when do I tell him the whole story? Do I wait until one of us drops the "L" word, or should I sit him down tomorrow and explain everything? What do yall think? Thank you in advance.


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Eastsiderider
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Re: When do I bring up the abuse?

Post by Eastsiderider » Wed Apr 29, 2015 11:57 am

Really the easiest way to tell anything to anyone esp. if the topic is emotionally hard etc. is to write them a letter. You'll get to think about what you write there and it's easier to get every topic covered, he also has the privacy to really think about it all. If he really likes you, even loves you or even if you were just a random person, a good hearted man would not turn away from you. I think anyone decent would be understanding of your past. If not, then I do not think it's worth a while at all. But I know he'll understand :D

Hope this helps and good wishes to you :)

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imnotfatimbigboned
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Re: When do I bring up the abuse?

Post by imnotfatimbigboned » Thu Apr 30, 2015 8:55 am

^^^Well said! I agree and good luck Hon:) I was in the same situation many years ago and I told my new man who is now my hubby what happened and he understood and did not judge. :tu:
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