Approaching Him

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HoldMeClose
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Approaching Him

Post by HoldMeClose » Mon Sep 24, 2012 5:45 pm

My boyfriend and I of 3 years broke up almost a week ago. He broke up with me. He says he just isn't happy anymore and thinks we are drifting. Now he's out flirting with other girls with his new body (my dad helped him lose 120 pounds). I feel like he has changed. I am a freshman in college and I knew that if I sat around being depressed and upset, my grades would start going down and my relationships with those around me would suffer. Of course I cried a lot but I picked myself up and moved on, slowly but surely. I still love him. I always will.

BUT: it's time to find someone who makes me happy again. Makes me feel my best. I know it may seem a little soon, but getting to know other guys can't hurt. So I met this guy, Matt, in math class. He is really cute and sweet... but he has a girlfriend. I would never mess with that. So now I know of this guy Donny. He is in the drumline in the marching band (I am in the colorguard).

So since all the drummers are really hot, some of the colorguard girls pick a "DOC" or Drummer or Choice. (The drummers dont know) I had never picked one because it didn't feel right since I was dating at the time. But a few days ago I picked Donny. I was telling my friend Emily that I really want to get to know him. Emily knows a girl in the cymbal line and the girl said Donny is single. Emily convinced me to friend him on facebook and go from there. So I did... yesterday. But he hasn't responded to the request yet. Once he does accept (if he does) what should I say? Should I say anything? Or wait things out? Should I approach him at practice?

I know you might be thinking: geez, this girl is in college, you would think she would know how to approach a guy, but Ive been in 2 relatinships, both super long. So no, I don't, really. Thanks for any advice, ahead of time!

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Goat
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Re: Approaching Him

Post by Goat » Tue Sep 25, 2012 10:51 am

Personally, since it's only been a week since you broke up with your boyfriend of 3 years I would wait to find someone else. Being interested never killed anyone but starting a new relationship so soon after ending such a long relationship is never a good idea because feelings will linger around for a good amount of time, it's almost emotionally cheating to anyone new you may be with. A week is such a short amount of time in any relationship.

Focus on yourself. Make yourself happy. Find a new hobby, spend extra time studying, spoil yourself with an expensive lipstick, get into watching a series of movies you've never seen before, or start spending more time with your friends and family. Learning to be comfortable not having a love interest or a significant other is something everyone needs to learn, because being emotionally needy isn't something anyone wants in a future partner. A man isn't the only thing who can make you feel happy or beautiful.

While you said getting to know guys isn't a bad thing, you should treat Donny like a friend and not a future boyfriend, you may realize you aren't really interested after all but you may become friends. Have basic conversations, talk about his classes, marching band, hobbies... you get the jist. Not right after he accepts your friend request though, give it some time (kind of think of it as a 'first date' situation, you don't want your date calling you minutes after you give them your number because that seems clingy already). As for communicating in person, rushing up into his face is what you obviously want to avoid. If you see him at practice give him a smile or a head nod along with a polite "Hello", if he wants to talk to you then he will.
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Diorette
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Re: Approaching Him

Post by Diorette » Tue Sep 25, 2012 4:34 pm

I would wait, since it was a week ago, you are most likely to find every guy cute since you're not with a person anymore, you don't need a guy to be happy, take some time to enjoy yourself :)
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Re: Approaching Him

Post by Bluntx » Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:09 pm

It's been a week, don't rush it. Of course I'm not saying that you should avoid all guys at all costs though. Yes, approach him, but do it in a friendly way at first. Take some time to yourself and just enjoy me-time without slipping on your grades. Make small talk about the band and build it from there.Take care of yourself, start as friends and it'll be better in no time.

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