Dealing with a bad break-up

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Kitty*
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Dealing with a bad break-up

Post by Kitty* » Tue Sep 02, 2014 7:51 am

I was so happy until yesterday because it was only a couple of days till I would see my boyfriend after summer's break from uni. We've been together for two years but separated because he met a girl on Friday and wants to keep seeing her. He broke up with me because of a girl he met two days before, can you beleive it? Someone who he barely knows and doesn't even know if it's going to work. We had a great relationship, a few days before he wrote me a love poem and now it just ended. He wanted to keep seeing me and make plans with me because he says he feels unconditional love for me, something that goes beyond sex and relationships. He said he still feels the same for me, love, desire, friendship... He said he's young and that's why he had to pursue this new thing.
I said I needed space, time, I just can't be with him, don't know if someday I will. We had a fight on facebook, he said he wants to have a bit of time without contact because he's devasted about losing me. He says he doesn't want the other girl anymore, he says he wants to be alone.
I think he didn't understand the consequences of breaking up like this. He's very special to me and I would still be his close friend but I'm heartbroken.
I feel really bad right now, I didn't deserve any of this :'(

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Re: Dealing with a bad break-up

Post by effervescence » Wed Sep 03, 2014 12:12 am

You guys are still young, I guess he just wants to explore what other options he has before eventually settling down for good. But are you willing to be cast aside right now, and take him back if he asks? Or are you the kind who would never turn back once you've gotten over this heartache and gotten over him? The decision is yours to make.

You're right in saying you don't deserve any of this. Protect yourself and your heart above all, sweetheart. <3
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Re: Dealing with a bad break-up

Post by Kitty* » Wed Sep 03, 2014 7:26 am

effervescence wrote:You guys are still young, I guess he just wants to explore what other options he has before eventually settling down for good. But are you willing to be cast aside right now, and take him back if he asks? Or are you the kind who would never turn back once you've gotten over this heartache and gotten over him? The decision is yours to make.

You're right in saying you don't deserve any of this. Protect yourself and your heart above all, sweetheart. <3
Thank you! <3
He has been having problems dealing with his ADHD and anxiety and usually during this time he becomes self-destructive and makes wrong, impulsive decisions. I'm not contacting him to see where it goes. Apparently he's telling people about having me with him for the rest of his life. I was the one who officially broke up. He wanted to stay with me but getting to know her as well. I rejected his offer because I felt betrayed. He's saying he doesn't even know if he likes this girl and knows he loves me. I'm just keeping quiet in order for him to really miss me.
I would take him back but with a lot of adjustments in our relationship. Even small things I used to ignore. If I take him back it has to be slowly, has to feel completly right and he has to work for it. Otherwise forget it.

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Re: Dealing with a bad break-up

Post by effervescence » Wed Sep 03, 2014 7:39 am

You sound like you're on a pretty good track and you know what you're doing, so I'm guessing you're posting this for the emotional support? I can't offer you much, except my love and encouragement. Hang in there and I hope everything turns out well. :tu:
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Re: Dealing with a bad break-up

Post by Kitty* » Wed Sep 03, 2014 9:21 am

effervescence wrote:You sound like you're on a pretty good track and you know what you're doing, so I'm guessing you're posting this for the emotional support? I can't offer you much, except my love and encouragement. Hang in there and I hope everything turns out well. :tu:
You know, yesterday I had no idea of what to do with this situation because it all happened so fast. I had to think of what to say to friend or a patient (i'm a psychologist). I still don't know if this is the right decision or if I'll change my mind later on but for now I think it's a good path to follow. I posted this because I was desperate to vent. When I'm sad I feel a desperate need to vent. It's the only thing that calms me down. Getting advice always helps me getting a clearer view. I'm very sensitive and he is/was my best friend. I usually go to him to talk. Now I can't and I feel lost. Luckly I still have a few friends in real life and you nice people of the internet. Thank you so much for your love and time! <3

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Re: Dealing with a bad break-up

Post by go_further » Wed Sep 03, 2014 10:58 pm

OMG I literally JUST direct messaged you because I saw ur post in another thread...I know exactly what u r going thru, except my bf actually cheated on me last friday (the 29) and I just found out less than 4 hours ago.... We've been together for 3 years now. And he's known her what like a month.... co-worker, of corse.

Im just in shock. I cried the whole 4 hours.

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Re: Dealing with a bad break-up

Post by Kitty* » Thu Sep 04, 2014 7:12 am

go_further wrote:OMG I literally JUST direct messaged you because I saw ur post in another thread...I know exactly what u r going thru, except my bf actually cheated on me last friday (the 29) and I just found out less than 4 hours ago.... We've been together for 3 years now. And he's known her what like a month.... co-worker, of corse.

Im just in shock. I cried the whole 4 hours.
Oh I know! :( I saw your post too and we have the same age. I'll reply to you :D

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Re: Dealing with a bad break-up

Post by Kitty* » Thu Sep 04, 2014 8:55 am

My reply was sent. Don't mind the mistakes, I forgot to read everything before sending :D

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Re: Dealing with a bad break-up

Post by Kitty* » Sat Sep 06, 2014 6:15 am

pinkbows wrote:Sweetheart, you don't need a man that obviously doesn't need you. If after years of commitment he could so easily give you up, you never had him in the first place. That's not love. You deserve so much better than the scum he is. I really hope you never, ever take back this loser.
Thank you. The more I think about it and the more I find out about his true character, the more I'm convincing myself I don't need him. He says he wants me forever in his life, maybe as a friend, I don't know what's going to happen but I'm thinking about cutting him off forever, honestly.

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Re: Dealing with a bad break-up

Post by effervescence » Sat Sep 06, 2014 6:19 am

Kitty* wrote:Thank you. The more I think about it and the more I find out about his true character, the more I'm convincing myself I don't need him. He says he wants me forever in his life, maybe as a friend, I don't know what's going to happen but I'm thinking about cutting him off forever, honestly.
I have someone doing this to me as well, saying that I'm one of the two people who truly know him, and that he wants me in his life forever. But most times he treats me like shit, so I decide I'm better off without him in my life.

If you wanna cut him off forever, be brave and go ahead and break all contact. :tu:
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Re: Dealing with a bad break-up

Post by Kitty* » Sat Sep 06, 2014 7:22 am

effervescence wrote:
Kitty* wrote:Thank you. The more I think about it and the more I find out about his true character, the more I'm convincing myself I don't need him. He says he wants me forever in his life, maybe as a friend, I don't know what's going to happen but I'm thinking about cutting him off forever, honestly.
I have someone doing this to me as well, saying that I'm one of the two people who truly know him, and that he wants me in his life forever. But most times he treats me like shit, so I decide I'm better off without him in my life.

If you wanna cut him off forever, be brave and go ahead and break all contact. :tu:
Right now we don't have any contact. Right after it happened I decided to follow the no contact rule. I told him, he agreed, he still wants to talk after a while. I'll talk to him again but it's possible that's the last conversation, just to say what I've decided. I'm thinking a lot of different things every day. He would have to prove that so called love and I would still have to think about it.

I'm so happy with myself right now because now I'm in a position where I know I won't take any shit from him. I won't take shit. I don't care if I lose him forever, I don't care about the drama he's going to make talking about love and having me forever. I honestly don't give a fuck. If when I talk to him he wants something that puts me in a situation where I have to take any kind of pain or trouble, even small, I won't bother with him. I'll drop him like a hot potato.

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Re: Dealing with a bad break-up

Post by go_further » Tue Sep 09, 2014 6:47 am

Im so proud of you girl! No contact is something I still have to learn. Sorry didn't reply to your PM yet, Im working overtime daily. Keep it up! At least one of us is doing it. LOL

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