LDR Problems

[she-wolf]

So, here's my story.

I have been with a great guy for one and a half years. He is shy and really good to me, he's stable and faithful. I never, ever thought I would want to be with anyone else.

The thing is, at our home in North America, he was the ONLY thing in my life that fulfilled me or made me happy. We lived in a suburb (sleeper town) with not a lot going on, and you need a car to get around, which I didn't have and couldn't afford. To get to the supermarket is a half-hour walk, and for 6+ months of the year it is too cold to go outside there, I'm serious. I cried almost every day in the winter.

I didn't know anyone in the town and there is no public transit to get to other towns except the capital, where I also don't know anyone, because I grew up in a suburb-city a half hour away, and we met through a friend. My family lives over a hour's drive up north, so I didn't have them either. They live in a remote area, so I guess the suburb-city with my bf was the lesser of two bad situations.

I graduated uni and it's the same sad story, blah blah I got an arts degree and then I couldn't find a job. I worked online and made about 700 USD a month, but I had loans to pay and no financial independence. Working online also meant I didn't have coworkers, so I was especially lonely.

I was stressed because I just kind of freeloaded and lived in his condo with him. I had been a graduate for 7 months officially and still no "real" job.

I never considered myself a career woman or particularly ambitious, but I was not happy and unfulfilled in ever other aspect of my life except him. To be more clear, I lacked:

+ Job
+ Friends
+ Co-workers
+ Independence
+ Family

Basically I just waited for him each day like a dog. He was very happy because he had a great job, a car, his own property, friends, co-workers, family just a few minutes away, and then a sad little kept gf that didn't pose any trouble to him, except that I was constantly miserable and crying at least a few times a week.

Despair is how I would describe how I felt at times. How will I ever be happy? I wanted him, but what about everything else in my life?

Then, I moved to another country to find a job. (It seems random but it was planned and everything and he even supported the idea). I now teach several hours a week, on top of two flexible editing jobs which total 36 hours a week. I am excited about my career and going on an interview soon for a fulltime editing job - I don't know if I would take it or keep the ones I have.

At first, it was very, very hard. I cried daily and was very miserable and lonely. But I persevered, and it's been almost a month now. I feel okay again. I have friends and a job and sense of community, co-workers...I can walk to stores in a minute! But I am lonely for a partner. My bf is back home expecting me to come back in a few months or a year, whatever it takes, but I don't think I can go that long without sharing my new life with new people, intimately.

Does that make me a bad person? I just feel like I COULD wait, of course. I can do anything. But I would be happier and more fulfilled if I was able to be intimate with other people - if you have ever been an expat, you can maybe relate. And I don't just mean sexually but emotional support and someone to spend comfortable time with.

Any thoughts?

[schadenfreude]

Of course it doesn't make you a bad person, don't ever think that. You've made steps to improve your life and situation and you're happier now that you have, and you should be proud of that. You want what you want. Don't make yourself wait just because you can manage it, when you'd prefer something else. You have to live your life for yourself and do what ultimately makes you happy.

[she-wolf]

Of course it doesn't make you a bad person, don't ever think that. You've made steps to improve your life and situation and you're happier now that you have, and you should be proud of that. You want what you want. Don't make yourself wait just because you can manage it, when you'd prefer something else. You have to live your life for yourself and do what ultimately makes you happy.

Thank you :')

[schadenfreude]

I hope you are happy with whatever you choose to do

[hellyeah]

So, here's my story.

I have been with a great guy for one and a half years. He is shy and really good to me, he's stable and faithful. I never, ever thought I would want to be with anyone else.

The thing is, at our home in North America, he was the ONLY thing in my life that fulfilled me or made me happy. We lived in a suburb (sleeper town) with not a lot going on, and you need a car to get around, which I didn't have and couldn't afford. To get to the supermarket is a half-hour walk, and for 6+ months of the year it is too cold to go outside there, I'm serious. I cried almost every day in the winter.

I didn't know anyone in the town and there is no public transit to get to other towns except the capital, where I also don't know anyone, because I grew up in a suburb-city a half hour away, and we met through a friend. My family lives over a hour's drive up north, so I didn't have them either. They live in a remote area, so I guess the suburb-city with my bf was the lesser of two bad situations.

I graduated uni and it's the same sad story, blah blah I got an arts degree and then I couldn't find a job. I worked online and made about 700 USD a month, but I had loans to pay and no financial independence. Working online also meant I didn't have coworkers, so I was especially lonely.

I was stressed because I just kind of freeloaded and lived in his condo with him. I had been a graduate for 7 months officially and still no "real" job.

I never considered myself a career woman or particularly ambitious, but I was not happy and unfulfilled in ever other aspect of my life except him. To be more clear, I lacked:

+ Job
+ Friends
+ Co-workers
+ Independence
+ Family

Basically I just waited for him each day like a dog. He was very happy because he had a great job, a car, his own property, friends, co-workers, family just a few minutes away, and then a sad little kept gf that didn't pose any trouble to him, except that I was constantly miserable and crying at least a few times a week.

Despair is how I would describe how I felt at times. How will I ever be happy? I wanted him, but what about everything else in my life?

Then, I moved to another country to find a job. (It seems random but it was planned and everything and he even supported the idea). I now teach several hours a week, on top of two flexible editing jobs which total 36 hours a week. I am excited about my career and going on an interview soon for a fulltime editing job - I don't know if I would take it or keep the ones I have.

At first, it was very, very hard. I cried daily and was very miserable and lonely. But I persevered, and it's been almost a month now. I feel okay again. I have friends and a job and sense of community, co-workers...I can walk to stores in a minute! But I am lonely for a partner. My bf is back home expecting me to come back in a few months or a year, whatever it takes, but I don't think I can go that long without sharing my new life with new people, intimately.

Does that make me a bad person? I just feel like I COULD wait, of course. I can do anything. But I would be happier and more fulfilled if I was able to be intimate with other people - if you have ever been an expat, you can maybe relate. And I don't just mean sexually but emotional support and someone to spend comfortable time with.

Any thoughts?

Why do you stay in a relationship with your BF? Is it impossible to fathom that you could be happy in your current situation and meet a great guy where you reside now? I don't think it's fair for him to expect you to toss all you've worked for out the window to go crawling back to a miserable life. It's just my opinion that you appear happier and could move on from him. You're not tied to him through marriage. To me, love isn't the only reason to stay with someone. You didn't say you loved so I am speaking in general. I could never live someone who has a great life while I'm sitting at home crying daily due to no friends, no car, no stimulation with the outside world, no money of my own.


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