I have never had really good luck when it comes to dating, I'm always the sort of person who's better at offering sage wisdom to others and sitting alone all weekend wondering why I suck so badly at life
I had an abusive girlfriend, a couple of stalkers, a couple of bad breakups, and have been single for well over a decade just to clarify lol
I place a lot of the blame on my own shoulders. I'm several things that do not mix well.
1. I'm guilty of having high standards...let me specify. I have specific parameters of attractiveness that I look for, and although they aren't overtly strict, it reduces the likelihood of my being attracted to a person when they are not met. It mostly comes down to bone structure and the way she takes care of herself. I put a lot of effort into my own appearance, and so I look for women who do the same, which includes certain degrees of fitness and hygiene (yeah, I like people who use soap, call me crazy). I'm also attracted to intelligence and sense of humor...notably sarcasm as it is an aspect of both. On the fetishization spectrum, I also have a thing for girls who are taller than me, redheads, black women. I don't like to think I objectify women really, but I do put way too much emphasis on individual components rather than a person as a whole when it comes to attraction to appearance, and I know that's a problem but I can't help it.
2. I have self esteem issues. Years of being made fun of and bullied for various reasons, treated rather poorly by women I was involved with, and having had trouble with my body image and disordered eating and lifestyle habits (I used to imagine cutting my excess fat off when I was very young) have led to some neurotic and negative behaviors on my part, including a self-deprecating sense of humor and a lack of self esteem. What can I say, I fix what I can and had to learn to accept what I can't. Regardless, this does not combine well with the first major issue, as it creates a literally constant self-judging atmosphere where I weigh my own merit against everyone else's. Once again, I can't help it even though I've tried, it's just a part of my wiring at this point in my life.
3. I'm very adaptable, but I hate changing things that I know will affect other people, which leads to dangerously stable lifestyle choices at times.
4. I'm afraid of water you can't see through, aka any deep or murky water that one might drown in because they misjudged the depth or that something evil and heinous might be lurking in to swallow one whole. I had a near-drowning incident as a kid and I think this is related. It's to the point of phobia, but I do have a strong enough will that I can subdue it if properly motivated. I hate weakness, especially in myself, and so combat such things rather than let them control me. Still, when push comes to shove, I have had nightmares about the topic.
5. I have sworn off letting myself be talked down to, it's part of my self-improvement campaign. No more letting people walk all over me. I also do not have any qualms defending myself at this point from physical attacks and all that that implies.
Anyway, I was wondering if anyone had any helpful advice, you all seem knowledgeable in many ways and on many topics related to this. I apparently suck at reading women, have no idea where to meet single women or how to approach them, don't know how women work outside of being the same as me in concept but different in execution, and have never seemed to have any emotional attachment reciprocated. What do?
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Dating Advice for a Square
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- CaptainCrowbar
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