Confused and annoyed.

Post Reply
User avatar
EdgySequences
Debater
Debater
Posts: 189
Joined: Fri Sep 28, 2012 10:05 am
Has thanked: 0
Been thanked: 0
Contact:

Confused and annoyed.

Post by EdgySequences »

Okay so this is probably going to be a super long post but any advice would be appreciated.

I'm naturally a possessive person and I understand that it's a problem but I'm trying my best to control it. I usually want people 'to myself' even though I'm aware that isn't going to happen...so I'm actively trying to not be so possessive/controlling and I'm trying to care less. I've had enough issues with my fiance about this. I'm quite close to my sister in law and we've been friends for a couple of years. We used to talk frequently and we were in contact pretty much 24/7.

Recently we've drifted apart and haven't been speaking much. I realised it's not because she's busy...but because she's made a new friend who is her bff all of a sudden. Now don't get me wrong, she can chill with whoever she likes and whenever. But I'm bothered by the fact that they were introduced by another friend and they've known each other for about 3 weeks but they act like they've been childhood best friends. Looking back, I realise that she's the type of person that has to be bffs with every one of her friends. In her world there is no such thing as just being friends with someone. She always HAS to take it to another level; uploading selfies with them constantly, making their private jokes public, commenting on anything and everything that the other person uploads, writing (weird) essays about how "blessed" she is to have such an "amazing person enter into my life", basically being a BEG. She makes new friends and forgets the old ones, thus she's basically neglecting me. A few months back she broke up with 3 close friends of hers as they were pissed at her for not messaging them while she claimed to be super busy with work and whatnot (this wasn't true since we were always talking and hanging out). I now realise that the problem is all her. She becomes close to every friend and neglects the others, then when a new person comes along she becomes close to them and forgets about the previous "friends". There was another girl after me who she suddenly became "bffs" with and her pics were plastered all over my Whatsapp/Snapchat/Instagram etc. This new chick comes along and the previous friend is no where to be found. Apparently she's "still around".

I don't know how I feel, or how I should feel. Yes I feel neglected and somewhat used? Was I a filler for her until a new person came along that she could be close with? Is this new chick going to disappear in a few weeks time like the other one did? I'm always the one starting conversations and last week I casually mentioned this new girl, and she said that they got introduced recently but became close real quick. She probably saw that I was a bit irritated by it and she didn't message for a week. She messaged today and I was being cold with her and she's well aware that I have a problem but she's refusing to even ask me what's wrong. How does a person go from super caring and sweet to ignoring you for days and not bothering to check up on you? If she was just a friend then I'd speak my mind and tell her what I've written ^^^ but the situation is complicated because she's my sister in law and I don't want to over-complicate things with my in laws especially before I get married. Am I supposed to suck it up and act like I don't care? Or would it be better to confront her and ask her what the hell is going on? Alternatively am I being over possessive or is this a normal occurrence among people who are close!? Sorry I'm just super confused and trying to gather my thoughts. There's tonnes more I could write but my mind is all over the place atm.

Thanks for reading if you made it this far!
вє чσursєlf, єvєrчσnє єlsє ís tαkєn <3

User avatar
logicalnonsense
Informer
Informer
Posts: 407
Joined: Wed Jul 24, 2013 11:03 am
Has thanked: 0
Been thanked: 0
Contact:

Re: Confused and annoyed.

Post by logicalnonsense »

A kind of similar situation happened to me and my sister recently. We had this friend who became friends with a new group of people and started making really bad choices when she was with them (partying hardcore and stuff like that) and she just basically changed into a whole new person. My sister told her she was making bad choices, as any good friend would do, and she completely flipped out swearing at my sister and saying a whole bunch of rude stuff. We were all supposed to move in together this summer but she backed out and basically screwed my sister and I over all for these people that she's known for a little less than a month. We're not talking at all now and it's honestly not that bad of a thing. It was probably for the better, so I would say that your sister-in-law is just showing you her true colors and she might not have been that good of a friend in the first place. :tu:
Image

User avatar
Waldorfdarling
Gossiper
Gossiper
Posts: 950
Joined: Fri Oct 24, 2014 1:37 pm
Has thanked: 0
Been thanked: 0
Contact:

Re: Confused and annoyed.

Post by Waldorfdarling »

I think everyone has had that one friend at some point who is a total FLAKE and moves on from 'bff' to 'bff' in no time. I had a guy friend in HS we were SO close, like brother and sister and I loved him so much (as a friend always) and we would talk hours and hours on the phone, he would tell me about his girlfriend problems and I would give him advice. I would always be there for him no matter what, abandoning everything I was doing because he needed to talk to me yet again about his troubles and I just had to be his confidante 24/7. The thing is, with these people I feel like the friendship is always one-sided. They like to receive but they don't like to give back, and that can only work for so long. He soon found another group of friends which he sucked up to so much, then another and another and so on. Now we're barely even talking, and we never had a fallout or anything. We just grew apart because at some point I got tired of being the one to hold this friendship together. I would like to see him more but I realize that if I don't initiate it, he never will. He's not a bad person, he's just selfish.

I think at this point the best thing for you to do is let things flow naturally. Don't start any big argument with her. I mean you could always have a calm, grown-up conversation about this, if this is really eating you up inside. If not, then just let things be and make sure that your relationship with the rest of the family, and your fiance, stays intact. This girl is probably not worth the trouble. If she ever cared about you, she'll come to you.
XOXO

Post Reply

Return to “Family”