Threatened to be Kicked Out. Advice?

[FoodandFashion]

So, I think my mother just threatened to kick me out today.

Our relationship has been rocky for years because she used to be the typical Asian parent until I was 16 (I got tired of getting hit for the stupidest shit, so we ended up arguing and got into a physical fight). There are also times where I'd get into fist fights and argumentd with her brother because he always either bullied me or threatened my sister, and she would only get mad at me and tell me he did nothing wrong because he was the adult.

The most recent thing that happened that probably sent her over the edge was when I fought with her boyfriend, I was so angry to a point where I was going to call the police or beat him up. He basically told my half siblings to keep an eye on me because I stole from him (mind you, that incident happened when I was.... 10? and it was from a coin jar my mom had for years, he made it sound as if it was very recent. I'm 18 now.) After I heard that, I just told him I didn't take anything and he cussed "Fuck you, bitch" and I got angry. It escalated to a point where we want to tear each other's throats. He just kept cussing at me to a point where I just couldn't stop trying to knock him down. He said things like "Everyone hates you, bipolar cockeyed bitch" I just kept saying he was an idiot and he had no right to act like a thug. Then he proceeded to threaten my boyfriend and said "I have a gun too"

I'm just tired of everything. I can't even move out if I wanted to because it was so hard to find a job after graduating HS. I wasn't even allowed to volunteer because my mother thought my 4.0 was going to drop. It dropped to a 3.8 (but a lot of stuff and drama happened in high school and at home which worsened the depression).

I haven't done much in terms of work since graduating and it's been almost a year. I put off volunterring because I needed that time in.case I got a job. I just wanted to make sure it was a commitment I could make but I feel stupid for not volunteerimg sooner. I do start volunteering soon, though.

She didn't even bother to pull me aside to talk to me about it, she just threatened me im fromt of the kids (relatives).

My mom and I used to get into many fights, whether it be her not understanding my side of the story or even bother to listen, or me not attending school (depression era), or even me just staying out late (she didnt care before but all of sudden she cares now).

She gets mad because I don't clean my room as often as she likes (sometimes it accumulates when im really tired or had lots of plans) but once I do plan a day to clean, she yells at me which just makes me angry and when angry, I sleep or leave the apartment. I was actually going to clean my room today bevause I'm going to be pretty busy this week.

I don't even know. It's just really tiring having to deal with everything at this point. It's bern going on for years.

Oh, and no I'm not a problem child. The only "problems" I cause are staying out till 11 and that's only to go to places like Lil Tokyo or somethimg xD, defending myself when necessary, and cooking late at night (we usually don't have food so I tend to cook but i try to keep.it minimal). I don't do any type of drugs nor do I go out and have sex with ppl. I do admit I get angry easily, which over the years, had me develop a certain attitude but I only show that side of me when provoked.

My true side is only shown to people I love and cate about that do the same to me. My "at home" personality isn't who I really am but since that"s the only side she sees, I can't blame her. I am the black sheep of the fam and always have been.

What do you suggest I do (aside from getting a job because I am looking) and trying to mend things with her (tried, we just fought again, it won't change unless one of us dies, even then, IDK if that's really going to change anything). I don't really want to bother my friends and I have no family willing to take me in (bad relationship or they're broke enough already).

I'm sorry to be a bother but nobody I know really understands, they just think I'm being a drama queen. What they don't know is that this has gone on for YEARS. You get enough after a while, you.know?

I do donate plasma and with that, I am saving for a bike. Thank you.

[Curiosity]

I'm sorry you're having to deal with so much. I am a black sheep as well, and have felt cornered as well, definitely need to get out of here, but it's not like the situation you're in I haven't dealt with physical abuse though, only mental/emotional. I know it's a hard thing to deal with and leaves a lot of scars, but I just want you to know you're never alone. You should tell a very close trusted friend with how you're feeling at some point, because keeping this all bottled in will only hurt you more, talking here was a good first step. Make a list of some plans that you will carry out, and try to talk to your mom with how you feel when it's just the two of you, tell her you just want to have a heart to heart with no one else around, it may not work but it's at least worth a few final tries without all the yelling if possible. If a friend knows, you will at least have a place to fall back on if things go awry with your conversations with her. Where you go from there will depend on your plan that works best for you. I did a google search and found these sites: http://nationalsafeplace.org/ and http://www.runawayguide.com/ I would definitely try all your options before deciding to run away, because you will need a way to sustain yourself and a safe place to stay before doing so. I really hope everything will work out for you though, it's a really tough situation :/

[FoodandFashion]

Thank you very much. I'm pretty sure I have a few more months before she actually decides to do so. I just talked to my sister about it. It's just hard to trust anyone these days because of my experiences. I just feel like the screw up of the family... I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I'm very grateful. You made me feel better.