Should I continue this "relationship"?

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Fitinthemaking
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Should I continue this "relationship"?

Post by Fitinthemaking » Wed Dec 06, 2017 11:15 pm

So about 2 and a half years ago I met a guy online through a video game (We'll call him R) and though we instantly clicked I had a boyfriend at the time, long story short I break up with my now ex and we started getting closer and we were planning to meet this year but because of the reasons I'm about to explain I cancelled our plans, a Little background info is he dated his ex for about 4 years and she left him because they had a lot of problems in 2014, she got a boyfriend but kept having sex with R behind her new boyfriend's back and R was okay with it because 1. He still loved her and 2. According to him he was a shitty boyfriend to her (which I highly doubt because they're still together and he seems like a nice person) so back to a few months ago, R and I start getting closer, we plan on meeting and then he confesses that his ex found out about me and interrogated him about me and he basically denied loving me and having anything with me to avoid making her sad because he still has feelings for her, I'm extremely hurt and of course get mad at him but his defense is "You knew I still loved her so you knew what you were getting yourself into" but apologized and told me he loved me and he would try to get away from her because he knows she's toxic and is only manipulating him.

Back to the present, we are planning on meeting next year and I do hope it happens but my problem is that I know he still has feelings for her and a few months ago he told me they talked through snapchat because her boyfriend blocked R's number (and I think you guys get why them talking through snapchat bothers me), a few weeks ago I asked him if they still talked and he said they only talked one or twice a month but that she was happy with her boyfriend and he was happy for her, I ask him if he still loves her and he said he doesn't know. Now my problem is he is very very close with this girl's relatives and has told me her family loves him and think her breaking up with him was wrong so my main problem is that if he cheated on me with her or something I wouldn't have any way of knowing, he also told me she had him blocked on Facebook but the other day I saw that she commented on one of his Friends pictures a few months ago and R replied to her comment which means she didn't have him blocked (I can't recall if this was prior to her "blocking him" or he was just lying) . He has told me repeatedly that he loves me and will eventually get rid of her (keyword: eventually, because apparently cutting contact with her completely is too much for now) and I do know he loves me but I keep asking myself if he loves me enough to put me first and I keep feeling paranoid and like they still talk behind my back.

Thank you in advance and sorry for the long post.

Fitinthemaking
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Re: Should I continue this "relationship"?

Post by Fitinthemaking » Wed Dec 06, 2017 11:28 pm

Double post: I feel like I made him look like a shitty person but he's an amazing friend and supportive of everything I do and I guess he wouldn't be willing to spend more tan 1500 dollars to fly to meet me, I'm just insecure about his manipulative ex and scared of him not stopping her if something happens.

Fitinthemaking
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Re: Should I continue this "relationship"?

Post by Fitinthemaking » Wed Dec 06, 2017 11:48 pm

Triple post please don't ban me I just make a lot of mistakes and I realize way too late, I meant to say he wouldn't be willing to spend more than 1500 dollars to fly to me if his intentions werent serious. I'm sorry :love2:

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Re: Should I continue this "relationship"?

Post by verybritney » Thu Dec 07, 2017 12:34 am

This is going to sound harsh, but girl... you need to cut your losses. This dude is playing you and that girl will always be an issue in your relationship and it will not change. This is something that has gone on for a long time, please don't get your hopes up and expect him to drop her for you, because the second she changes her mind, he'll be gone. Also, is he expecting sex, or do you believe you two will be having sex? If so, I really don't recommend meeting up, though you two may be great friends, hooking up will cause more issues than there already are. Good luck girl, I'm rooting for you!

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Re: Should I continue this "relationship"?

Post by Fitinthemaking » Thu Dec 07, 2017 9:08 am

verybritney wrote:This is going to sound harsh, but girl... you need to cut your losses. This dude is playing you and that girl will always be an issue in your relationship and it will not change. This is something that has gone on for a long time, please don't get your hopes up and expect him to drop her for you, because the second she changes her mind, he'll be gone. Also, is he expecting sex, or do you believe you two will be having sex? If so, I really don't recommend meeting up, though you two may be great friends, hooking up will cause more issues than there already are. Good luck girl, I'm rooting for you!
Hello! I guess he was expecting sex and I don't know if he still is but I told him I wouldn't have sex with him until I felt comfortable enough so no, no sex when he comes visit me and he was okay with that. Thank you! <3

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Re: Should I continue this "relationship"?

Post by littlegarose » Thu Dec 07, 2017 12:00 pm

Girlfriend, you need to start reading this lady's blog:
https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/the-blog/

Best of luck xx

cutelilbunny123
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Re: Should I continue this "relationship"?

Post by cutelilbunny123 » Fri Dec 08, 2017 1:56 pm

my opinion on this is that he is using both of you girls... he is using his ex for sex and he is using you for the more emotional side of things. if you cannot trust him now you never will! i promise you this. he is milking the fact that you are only friends over the internet and aren't around to catch him out, this guy is just as manipulative as the ex, i can see why they suited each other lol.
I reckon you should cut it off with him and try to meet someone in your own hometown! build a real relationship with someone you can see and touch in person, that's how to make a REAL connection. don't get me wrong, i am not judging you for your connection online but, a physical one is entirely different. let him be the fool here and cut him off! not you xxxx

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Re: Should I continue this "relationship"?

Post by Gabbyss » Thu Sep 20, 2018 3:09 am

This situation is very familiar to me. I probably am the toxic ex-girlfriend. With my ex-boyfriend, I'm connected very much. we two years lived together and have been in love since my 16 years. We sometimes have sex with him, but most of the time we are just friends. He has a friend who loves him very much. But he understands that this will end our relationship with him. I understand that I can not move on, just like him. I do not love my ex, he does not really love me. We just got used to it and are afraid to change something. I wait until he completes our relationship. But I'm afraid that we made many mistakes ... the only thing I want to advise you - give yourself a chance. Meet with R. Perhaps this will help him figure it out. I think that if he really loves you then put in the first place.

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Re: Should I continue this "relationship"?

Post by isabelledobell » Mon May 06, 2019 4:34 am

I think you should act on your own, guided by your feelings.

Fitinthemaking
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Re: Should I continue this "relationship"?

Post by Fitinthemaking » Mon May 06, 2019 8:10 pm

He cut her off his life and we are still together :) we've met in person already and we are extremely happy together. Thank you all for your advice, I forgot I ever posted this but staying was worth it since we are both happy and in a healthy relationship, I've made some mistakes along the way as well and we have learned a lot.

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