Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

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Cosima Niehaus
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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by Cosima Niehaus »

Interesting that one of the first things she did on the day she "lost a child" was checking this forum! And as another poster said, there's a glaring lack of empathy for Phoebe's suffering, or that of the remaining cats. "Me, me, me," as usual.

I might be wrong but I think she's bullshitting about the vet. Most vet clinics here have emergency vets exclusively for late nights or weekends, especially when euthanasia is necessary. Yes, it would have cost more, but Beckie blew several thousand pounds on jewellery and cosmetics without any issue so she could have easily afforded to pay an emergency vet. My cat was euthanised late on a Sunday night, in my home (practically in the middle of nowhere), and there was no issue finding a vet who would drive out and do it. Aside from the extra cost, it was no different from a weekday.
"Ohh, a four-car pile-up car crash?"
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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by bucky »

myther wrote:
bucky wrote:At this point the 'permenand damage' seems to be in, not on, her head.
This statement is mocking her disorder.
Whoops, I apologise :( After I posted that, I realized that it came out wrong, but I can't edit the post for some reason :/ I didn't realize that the saying 'it's all in your head' isn't that great within this context...
What I meant to say, it's psychological - like, she's intensely focused on the permanent damage. She's zoomed in, to say. Anything less then perfect is bad and terrible.

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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by myther »

If only she could realise that her victim mentality is the source of much of the pain and anxiety she experiences when interacting with others: Expecting only negative intentions from others so as to be constantly fearful and defensive. Being mired in learned helplessness and self-abasement. Believing that everyone else is more fortunate. Being pervasively pessimistic. Relying on empathy for comfort.

These characteristics inform the social behaviours which so many people find off-putting or toxic: Irrationally accusing others of attacking her. Responding disproportionally to perceived slights. Villifying others. Redirecting attention to herself. Portraying herself as beyond help. Rejecting help and advice. Refusing to take responsibility. Soliciting empathy.
kofi wrote:The thing is, mental illnesses explain certain behaviors but they sure as hell don't excuse them. There's a line between being against someone and calling someone out on their toxic shit.
While not per se a mental disorder or illness, victim mentality (an acquired maladaptive personality trait) dictates how she perceives reality. No amount of calling her out will spur her to change or even recognise her problematic behaviour. To the contrary, by virtue of her victim mentality, calling her out reinforces her perception that she is being attacked.

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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by lowrezsunrise »

kofi wrote:
The thing is, mental illnesses explain certain behaviors but they sure as hell don't excuse them. There's a line between being against someone and calling someone out on their toxic shit.
I strongly agree with this. I think its a statement that's sometimes lost when talking about mental health, or lost when surrounding mental health awareness. And I can excuse that to a point, sometimes the focus needs to be wholly positive.
However its so bloody important to remember - and I really cant say it any better than Kofi has, so please re-read their quote!

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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by HippoFriend »

We get that she has a mental illness. We call her out on toxic shit. She still has to change her behaviour because she is hurting other people.

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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by myther »

If a person with a mental illness or maladaptive personality trait(s) lacks insight, they are unable to recognise that their behaviour is inappropriate or damaging.

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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by myther »

bucky wrote:
myther wrote:
bucky wrote:At this point the 'permenand damage' seems to be in, not on, her head.
This statement is mocking her disorder.
What I meant to say, it's psychological - like, she's intensely focused on the permanent damage. She's zoomed in, to say. Anything less then perfect is bad and terrible.
She does tend to ignore the gains she has made in growing her hair since her pulling was at its worst.

Permanent damage resulting from trich is very real. Some hairs break off at the scalp when pulled. Others are pulled to include the bulb which can damage the follicle depending on the stage of growth when the hair is pulled. With prolonged and repeated pulling, follicles can be destroyed completely. Growth in areas of such follicular damage will be sparse, and the texture of the individual hairs which do grow is often altered. Many sufferers are triggered to pull hairs with a deviant texture; thus they continue to pull from these damaged areas in a vicious cycle.

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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by myther »

She has deleted / disabled comments on her last two IG posts about Phoebe's death.

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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by manymeows »

I still have NO idea how her family have lost so many cats... it's unreal to me? I mean cats can go through a lot of different things and have to be put down. Shit happens. But for all the cats that have run away or whatever, I just don't get how she'd had that many that have. Very unlucky :/

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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by overtherainbow1 »

kofi wrote:
overtherainbow1 wrote:I just got to say something. beckie is right when she says that you shouldn't be against someone to this point when he is going to therapy willingly.
I know it's hard with all she is posting and I know someone will come with the sort of a story of: " i have 23 conditions and i behave better than beckie " high five to you. but we don't know what condition beckie have and what role it plays in her behavior. you should cut her some slack so she could actually be mentally ready to work on her problems in the time being.
The thing is, mental illnesses explain certain behaviors but they sure as hell don't excuse them. There's a line between being against someone and calling someone out on their toxic shit.
yes it does, that's what's wrong with this thread.
if someone mental health doesn't excuse what that disorder causes how can you call it a disorder?
what do you think mental illness mean in the first place?
there is a reason mental illness gets people out of jail sometimes. because it's an "excuse" for the crime they did
and you're both against and calling out beckie. you can do both at the same time, calling someone out doesn't mean you're not against him.

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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by mmkaypbandj »

"and you're both against and calling out beckie. you can do both at the same time, calling someone out doesn't mean you're not against him."

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Well, I don't drink, but I'm wondering if someone has been having her "spot of cooking sherry" early.
Cuz those last two, yes, complete sentences small a and all, don't make sense to me at all,

You know, I think it's obvious that reading our wee gossip column is incredibly distressing to Beckie. It's obvious that she enjoys arguing, and being the superior, and last commenter.

I'm quite serious when I say that we would be doing her a huge favor if we could get the administrators here to help her by blocking her ISP.

I almost went to suggest it on her twitter, but I don't like my feelings hurt when I am trying to help someone. I use to enjoy talking to this girl years ago on the internet.

Most of the internet places she visits are quite nice to her, we're one of the very few that ever point out the both hurtful to others and herself behavior.

Last, or almost, all she had to do was tell the internet her little girl had died. Instead she leads off with, "I know you guys won't treat my cat's death as if it was a baby", while the rest of us are scratching our head and going, "Huh?"

And, Myther, God bless, you do have a lot to say, which is good, cuz a lot of it is really good. A lot of you girls are totally "on point" here. (Sorry). :)
Self-abasement if\s the word I've been trying to think of.
A long time ago, when I first began talk, with my fingers, of course, to this then very young girl, she would do the very same thing. Revealing more and more of her hair loss daily. It was kind of terrifying to see a girl with 3 to 3 and a half inches of hair, show the progressively stranger outline of her hair. I'm sure most of you have seen the pictures.
I had every sympathy, I had had trich, earlier in life, so you know, I tried to help. But Beckie seemed to need to show us.
Now, in my opinion, she is not only afraid of losing her important place in the trich (well, to her), she is TERRIFIED OF LOSING HER LIVELIHOOD.
And, I can't blame her, because it's coming. She really needs tio find a job.
One last thing? Really, and then I'll shut up--
If at her age, 24, she can afford to buy a house, anytime soon, she had enough money to pay for an emergency doctor.
But she wanted her patient parents to do it, don't you think? "Cause, the house money is, you know, the HOUSE money.P.S. OK, i lied one more, when I was her age, I had been moved out since I was 18, and living in the house with a husband.

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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by mmkaypbandj »

Oh, and Beckie You can set all the wildfires you like,
And, yes, I'm pretty sure I know who exactly who you are in the recent comments here.
Unlike most of the people here II used to read her blobs, and talk to her = typed on keyboard, on the internet, and I kind of know her style.
I'm serious, girl, you need to stop coming here. You are making yourself sick, just like you did with the Facebook group. You are making your world harder than it needs to be.

You're a beautiful girl, who lives in a lovely house (in her parents' neighborhood, houses are going for about 350,000 POUNDS, and theirs was recently re-modeled, so would go for probably more). Locked up in a cage of her own making.

So for the sake of your (future?) sanity;
1) MOVE OUT (for your parents sanity)
and
2) STOP COMING HERE!!! for your own sanity.

Well, good luck, and fare-thee-well, toots. I want to say also that I grieve the loss of your little girl with you. She had the sweetest face on a cat that I have ever seen, well, except for my cats. :)

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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by overtherainbow1 »

mmkaypbandj wrote:"and you're both against and calling out beckie. you can do both at the same time, calling someone out doesn't mean you're not against him."

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Well, I don't drink, but I'm wondering if someone has been having her "spot of cooking sherry" early.
Cuz those last two, yes, complete sentences small a and all, don't make sense to me at all,.

I meant that whenever someone says" " stop attacking someone " people respond saying that: " we're not attacking him. we're just calling out his bs. "
and they do that WHILE attacking that person.
attacking someone and calling out his bs aren't opposite behaviors.

mmkaypbandj wrote: And, yes, I'm pretty sure I know who exactly who you are in the recent comments here.
if you're implying that i'm beckie I would advice you not to just to conclusions too fast

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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by Bloopy5 »

manymeows wrote:I still have NO idea how her family have lost so many cats... it's unreal to me? I mean cats can go through a lot of different things and have to be put down. Shit happens. But for all the cats that have run away or whatever, I just don't get how she'd had that many that have. Very unlucky :/
Yes! Exactly. You'd think she would learn from the first two not to let her cats roam free. It's proven that cats live more if they stay indoors. Maybe she can let them out from time to time but keep an eye on them. Btw I'm really sad that Phoebe passed and I dont blame her death on Beckie, but I do think she has too many cats to afford/take care of. Stick to at least three and take good care of them! Smh.

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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by Bloopy5 »

Also, (sorry for double post) I cannot for the life of me understand how her parents let her hoard all those stuff at their home. My mom would've thrown that shit out a long time ago. She's waaaay to old to be acting this immature

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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by mmkaypbandj »

To Over the Rainbow:
I'll try not just to do that. :)
But seriously, I'm confused. I mentioned a lot of people, and yes, directed some at Beckie, too, who we are absolutely sure visits here quite frequently. I can't figure out why you think I think that you are "She Who Shall Not Be Named", as she was sometimes called in our Facebook Trich group. :)

So, what do you think? Don't you think that if abstaining from this web-site would help that girl's mental health, that we should block her?
For her own good.
Because, catty though we may be, we do care. Even when she has been a bit obnoxious, okay, more than a bit, to myriad and sundry (everybody)
.
At least from her home ISP, so she can't obsess over every disagreeable statement. Most other sites are pretty darn nice to her, and she could concentrate on helping herself to a better life. I know it's possible. I did it.
Coming here, and then writing about it in her Twitter-- It's like losing a boyfriend, wanting to argue about it, and never being able to win.
Cuz, you know it's a Gossip Site.(!!!) Gravy. Anyhow, you have, a good night or day, whatever-- I got to get to sleep. :)

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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by Paulie_walnuts »

That video about dead cat has affected me so much. My best friend died very suddenly a few years ago and i witnessed the grief of two parents who had lost their baby. Their grief for the rest of their lives will be unimaginable. They manage to function and cope on a day to day basis now but they are in hell every day and will be until the end of their lives. I know I would be too if anything ever happened to my children. To compare loosing a cat to loosing a child is totally ignorant, insensitive and shows a completed lack of understanding of what is acceptable. Beckie is possibly one of the most immature and self absorbed people I have ever had knowledge of. She has absolutely no insight into how awful and gross her behaviour is.

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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by kofi »

overtherainbow1 wrote:
kofi wrote:
overtherainbow1 wrote:I just got to say something. beckie is right when she says that you shouldn't be against someone to this point when he is going to therapy willingly.
I know it's hard with all she is posting and I know someone will come with the sort of a story of: " i have 23 conditions and i behave better than beckie " high five to you. but we don't know what condition beckie have and what role it plays in her behavior. you should cut her some slack so she could actually be mentally ready to work on her problems in the time being.
The thing is, mental illnesses explain certain behaviors but they sure as hell don't excuse them. There's a line between being against someone and calling someone out on their toxic shit.
yes it does, that's what's wrong with this thread.
if someone mental health doesn't excuse what that disorder causes how can you call it a disorder?
what do you think mental illness mean in the first place?
there is a reason mental illness gets people out of jail sometimes. because it's an "excuse" for the crime they did
and you're both against and calling out beckie. you can do both at the same time, calling someone out doesn't mean you're not against him.
Eh, I'm a person with a mental illness here who has been a terrible person to the people I love the most because of my disorder. Yeah, my conditions pushed me to a place where my personality and my behavior were horrific and totally opposite of how they are when I'm on medication or how they were prior to my disorder. STILL, I apologized for hurting others. Mental illnesses are not a card you can use to get away with being horrible. Yep, it's very shitty having a condition that affects your personality and the way you react to stuff, but it is very shitty as well being mistreated by a loved one when you only want to help. So, again: mental illnesses explain shitty behavior but mental illnesses do not excuse shitty behavior.

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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by HippoFriend »

kofi wrote:
overtherainbow1 wrote:
kofi wrote:
overtherainbow1 wrote:I just got to say something. beckie is right when she says that you shouldn't be against someone to this point when he is going to therapy willingly.
I know it's hard with all she is posting and I know someone will come with the sort of a story of: " i have 23 conditions and i behave better than beckie " high five to you. but we don't know what condition beckie have and what role it plays in her behavior. you should cut her some slack so she could actually be mentally ready to work on her problems in the time being.
The thing is, mental illnesses explain certain behaviors but they sure as hell don't excuse them. There's a line between being against someone and calling someone out on their toxic shit.
yes it does, that's what's wrong with this thread.
if someone mental health doesn't excuse what that disorder causes how can you call it a disorder?
what do you think mental illness mean in the first place?
there is a reason mental illness gets people out of jail sometimes. because it's an "excuse" for the crime they did
and you're both against and calling out beckie. you can do both at the same time, calling someone out doesn't mean you're not against him.
Eh, I'm a person with a mental illness here who has been a terrible person to the people I love the most because of my disorder. Yeah, my conditions pushed me to a place where my personality and my behavior were horrific and totally opposite of how they are when I'm on medication or how they were prior to my disorder. STILL, I apologized for hurting others. Mental illnesses are not a card you can use to get away with being horrible. Yep, it's very shitty having a condition that affects your personality and the way you react to stuff, but it is very shitty as well being mistreated by a loved one when you only want to help. So, again: mental illnesses explain shitty behavior but mental illnesses do not excuse shitty behavior.
kofi, thanks for bringing reason to this thread. I am / was in the boat as you have been. Adding to this: Noone is saying that it's her fault for having her personality traits, but it is her fault that she does not even try change anything about it and constantly attacking / hurting people WHO MEAN REALLY WELL. Assholes, who tell her to kill herself are still assholes. But so many people with genuine advice and empathy are still (for whatever reason) coming to her comment section and she attacks every single one of them.

Noone gets out of jail for their mental illness by the way, They simply get another form of punishment that fits the reason they comitted the crime better. It's the same thing: They have a different reason for doing something wrong, that doesn't change the fact that in the end, what they did, was wrong.

There are so many people in this world who suffer from mental illnesses that affect them badly, who are miserable a lot, living in horrible conditions, and most of them learned that lashing out on other people and bringing misery to others won't help their situation. Most of them are actively trying to change to get better, even if they fail sometimes.

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Re: Beckien0: Beckie J Frown (part 4)

Post by myther »

Beckie's victim mentality causes her to focus on anything she can construe as an attack. It warps her perceptions, causing her to irrationally suspect everyone to be antagonistic towards her and to read negative intentions into neutral or even positive comments.

Why does she dwell on negative comments? Why does she engage in protracted "having the last word" and "I'm more miserable than you" arguments? Why does read this forum? Why does she persistently engage in interactions which upset her?

Feeling unjustly attacked is her comfort zone because it reinforces her identity as a victim and allows her to self-empathise which is comforting. In a sense, she takes pleasure in her misery as a victim.

Being blocked from reading this forum or even abstaining from social media entirely will not alter her perceptions or result in her developing insight into her maladjusted thinking and behaviour.

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