The Jen / GG dictionary - The hidden meaning of words

[MattressCrowSoapJar]

Boon - Halloween balloon. Makes Jen talk like a baby, laugh too hard at her own jokes and gets her husband laid that night.

[MushroomsAreASauce]

Swa-vor-ski = Alternate name for Swarovski crystal; used repeatedly by genetically stubborn people.

[FluffingGloves]

October mail - Letters, cards, gifts that are opened in November

[NarcissisticLikeJen]

Housewife- a woman who doesn't cook or clean, just spends her husbands money

Hobby- an opportunity to buy ALL THE THINGS involved and store in a bin and forget about it

Lunch- baby carrots and hummus, chip-ins and salsa

Editing- spending hours playing on her computer while her nails dry leaving in all parts blurry and inappropriate

[SpecialSnowflake]

Training for a half marathon -- Running a handful of miles every day, but only if one feels like it and if the weather is nice enough. One requires a head-to-toe outfit from Lululemon to qualify as an especially serious runner; bonus points are earned for including a "pre-run" body scan and a special "post-run" leg-icing routine.

Body scan -- Waking up in the morning and thinking especially hard about each part of one's body from head to toe and looking for the most insignificant signs of pain or ill health that would otherwise be ignored by less-anatomically-tuned-in folks just going about their daily lives. Results of the body scan (bruises, sniffles, sensitive vag, etc.) may qualify one to "take it easy" for the day.

[londongirl2001]

Asking for advice - pretending to be interested in your subs' opinion after having made up your mind anyway. If you are actually asking for advice, do the exact opposite of what the overwhelming majority recommends.

[PreFall Haul]

Giveaways - an excuse to go shopping in excessive amounts for things to add to your hoard.

[Angie V]

planner - something you have 15 of, each personalized and expensive as shit, but barely use any of them because you do nothing but shop and eat all day.

[busybuyingbins]

camera- your best friend that you spend hours talking to and them not replying.

[Shneck Ache]

hotdog - something you shout loudly (HOTDOG!) when you find something on sale and therefore now have a reason to buy it; something you eat every single day, with processed cheese, as a part of your clean-eating diet

job - just whatever (synonym: work)

[FluffingGloves]

Planning - not giving a poop until last minute.

[Athletic Calves]

Lives = Inexplicably, Jen attributes human behavior to inanimate objects. For example, she repeatedly states that items/objects "live" in certain locations (e.g., "My back-up Waterpik lives in the family vacation home in Utah.").

Tootsies = This is Jen's term for her butt-ugly feet (refer to her "Positively Polished" tumblr for the "Tootsies Edition" for reference).

**Related side note, Jen also refuses to accept that she is almost 31 years old and not a 4 year old child. She prefers to use the plural of normal words, making it sound more child-like. For example "chocolate chippies" in lieu of "chocolate chip cookies."

[FluffingGloves]

Deadline - "What is that? D...ead..l... Euuuh, I don't honestly know how to pronounce this!"

Productivity - "Daaaaawn????! What's that?"

[GoodMorningFriends]

What do we call this - What she says when she can't think of the names for the simplest things, e.g., green beans.

[Fat Shark]

Housewife Confessionals - A porny sounding type of video where in Jen rambles on for an eternity, "sharing" the most intimate details about her life that nobody asked for and didn't need to know.

[Ailment Of Choice]

Local Businesses = cleaning ladies, handy men, gardeners, hangers of the outdoor christmas lights and other people who can be hired to do the work Jen & Don are too lazy to do around the house.

DISCLAIMER: Even though the vast majority of what Jen purchases is from Whole Foods, Target, and through her Amazon Prime Membership, "SUPPORTING LOCAL BUSINESSES IS VERY IMPORTANT" to Jen.

[Ailment Of Choice]

Sweet Boy = What Jen calls Don any time after he has purchased Jen a gift, made her dinner, read her a bedtime story, or tied her shoe.

[DecorationPolice]

Instant/instantaneaous = when something develops over time, but you still want people to get the impression that it was love-at-first-sight-romantically-epic-like-in-the-movies and not all golddiggy and well thought out.

[FluffingGloves]

editing / creating: adding clip art bees and watermarks at random plus 2sec of music at the end and the beginning of a given video without even watching through your 45 min rant. Bonus: include dead bird, butter on the floor and as many sugary treats as possible

[ItsRawrzz]

I'd like a definition of a "glow worm"... because her costume was anything but!