September 22, 2014
Dear Diary,
Male parent scribbled on wall yesterday, blamed me. Suspect he is dumber than self. Self is only 2. Shall continue to soil diaper as punishment for sabotage. Brother attempted summoning help today while filming occurred; suspect authorities did not understand gibberish. Will attempt again tomorrow. Prepared for escape by scaling furniture. Female parent did not stop me; suspect she is clueless of plans. Excellent.
-E.
Emilia's Diary
-
Bbopper
Re: Emilia's Diary
September 23, 2014
Dear Diary,
Male parent filmed Teeto humping floor today. Suspect he may re-watch later for bedroom tips. May only be 2, but know he won't get to use them.
Stood in shower in an attempt to discern if could be used as escape pod in case figure out how to put rockets underneath and shoot out roof. Male parent would not leave alone, thus could not complete inspection.
Female parent left me alone with brother so she could relocate herself to other room to plan outfit. Perfect opportunity to discuss escape plans with brother. Have agreed to communicate with morse code using grunts.
While downstairs, located cellular telephone and tried contacting helpers to aid in escape plan. Foiled by female parent who caught self; tried to pretend was Oma. Changed course to divert attention. Was a close one.
Male parent said 'gellope' today. Suspect self has firmer grasp of English than male parent. May prove useful later on.
Male parent tried to cover up drawing he made and blamed on me by buying paint since female parent had punished him. Will practice drawing in secret during quiet time so male parent will spend more time painting, thus increasing chance for escape.
Female parent dressed as yeti while at dinner table. Distracted her with pretending to give her something while discerning if could be used as disguise later. Will need to follow female parent to storage location when she changes.
Brother begins communicating in grunt code while on bed with male parent. Was begging to be moved due to odor emanating from male parent but as am 2, could not maneuver properly to aid. Parents still unaware of code. Tell brother self misses him in an attempt to communicate that want to help, presently can't , but will find way. Think he understands. Female parent has dressed him in manner of child in A Christmas Story with 19 snowsuits on.Think female parent may suspect escape plans as brother now cannot move. Perhaps can use as flotation device later during escape if needed.
Male parent puts me in small vehicle in garden and pushes me off into the night. Suspect may be perfect to use as getaway car once learn how to motion vehicle forward without male parent pushing it. Oh no, after having rolled in dog droppings in garden father has maneuvered getaway car INTO house. Was hoping to get out. Have signaled to brother that plans have changed. Male parent drives me further into house. Chance for escape today minimal. Will try again tomorrow.
-E.
Dear Diary,
Male parent filmed Teeto humping floor today. Suspect he may re-watch later for bedroom tips. May only be 2, but know he won't get to use them.
Stood in shower in an attempt to discern if could be used as escape pod in case figure out how to put rockets underneath and shoot out roof. Male parent would not leave alone, thus could not complete inspection.
Female parent left me alone with brother so she could relocate herself to other room to plan outfit. Perfect opportunity to discuss escape plans with brother. Have agreed to communicate with morse code using grunts.
While downstairs, located cellular telephone and tried contacting helpers to aid in escape plan. Foiled by female parent who caught self; tried to pretend was Oma. Changed course to divert attention. Was a close one.
Male parent said 'gellope' today. Suspect self has firmer grasp of English than male parent. May prove useful later on.
Male parent tried to cover up drawing he made and blamed on me by buying paint since female parent had punished him. Will practice drawing in secret during quiet time so male parent will spend more time painting, thus increasing chance for escape.
Female parent dressed as yeti while at dinner table. Distracted her with pretending to give her something while discerning if could be used as disguise later. Will need to follow female parent to storage location when she changes.
Brother begins communicating in grunt code while on bed with male parent. Was begging to be moved due to odor emanating from male parent but as am 2, could not maneuver properly to aid. Parents still unaware of code. Tell brother self misses him in an attempt to communicate that want to help, presently can't , but will find way. Think he understands. Female parent has dressed him in manner of child in A Christmas Story with 19 snowsuits on.Think female parent may suspect escape plans as brother now cannot move. Perhaps can use as flotation device later during escape if needed.
Male parent puts me in small vehicle in garden and pushes me off into the night. Suspect may be perfect to use as getaway car once learn how to motion vehicle forward without male parent pushing it. Oh no, after having rolled in dog droppings in garden father has maneuvered getaway car INTO house. Was hoping to get out. Have signaled to brother that plans have changed. Male parent drives me further into house. Chance for escape today minimal. Will try again tomorrow.
-E.
-
Bbopper
Re: Emilia's Diary
September 24, 2014
Dear Diary,
Parents are complaining about not getting sleep, as if only parents ever to exist, as they leave self and brother alone to plot escape. Am glad self and brother have so much time alone to discuss plans. Am practicing cardio on staircase to prepare at every opportunity.
Must remember to grunt to brother not to eat tiny toys male parent gives him to play with as must avoid choking in order to escape.
Male parent left me outside in getaway car alone, however re-appeared before I could perform preliminary run-through of departure route and he drove self into house in getaway car again. Either male parent is idiot or is catching onto plot to escape.
Male parent’s obsession with small video recorder becoming silly; has taken to purchasing hairy video recorders for brother. Has also taken to wearing lampshades on head; suspect male parent may be attempting to communicate with aliens.
Asked male parent to escort me into basement in effort to scope out weaknesses in foundation and possible storage area for materials required; was given sufficient time to assess while male parent smeared hands all over fecal matter matted into dog’s face. Whilst cleansing of fecal dog was carried out, practiced climbing poles for upper-body strength training.
Brother attempted to commandeer real video recorder to document progress on escape plan, however will need to help brother work on upper body strength as well as cannot hold video recorder properly.
Female parent fed family noodles again. Brother smeared dinner on himself in effort to create camouflage effect; will need to work with brother on this. Was not successful. Has much to learn.
Wish male parent would stop saying, “Ooooaaaaaa noooooaaaaaa” in high-pitched voice as am becoming quite irritated. Much prefer Peppa. Even prefer female parent dog-voice over male parent’s toy voice.
Male parent is afraid of being bitten by venus fly trap. Will see if can acquire seeds to plant all throughout garden to scare male parent into staying indoors so can escape, day or night.
Am practicing linguistic skills by singing on daily basis in order to communicate successfully with authorities and aids. Was able to communicate in code with brother before bed to reassure that plan would resume in morning.
Male parent would not stop talking about potatoes in ears. Could not handle irony. Went to bed.
-E.
Dear Diary,
Parents are complaining about not getting sleep, as if only parents ever to exist, as they leave self and brother alone to plot escape. Am glad self and brother have so much time alone to discuss plans. Am practicing cardio on staircase to prepare at every opportunity.
Must remember to grunt to brother not to eat tiny toys male parent gives him to play with as must avoid choking in order to escape.
Male parent left me outside in getaway car alone, however re-appeared before I could perform preliminary run-through of departure route and he drove self into house in getaway car again. Either male parent is idiot or is catching onto plot to escape.
Male parent’s obsession with small video recorder becoming silly; has taken to purchasing hairy video recorders for brother. Has also taken to wearing lampshades on head; suspect male parent may be attempting to communicate with aliens.
Asked male parent to escort me into basement in effort to scope out weaknesses in foundation and possible storage area for materials required; was given sufficient time to assess while male parent smeared hands all over fecal matter matted into dog’s face. Whilst cleansing of fecal dog was carried out, practiced climbing poles for upper-body strength training.
Brother attempted to commandeer real video recorder to document progress on escape plan, however will need to help brother work on upper body strength as well as cannot hold video recorder properly.
Female parent fed family noodles again. Brother smeared dinner on himself in effort to create camouflage effect; will need to work with brother on this. Was not successful. Has much to learn.
Wish male parent would stop saying, “Ooooaaaaaa noooooaaaaaa” in high-pitched voice as am becoming quite irritated. Much prefer Peppa. Even prefer female parent dog-voice over male parent’s toy voice.
Male parent is afraid of being bitten by venus fly trap. Will see if can acquire seeds to plant all throughout garden to scare male parent into staying indoors so can escape, day or night.
Am practicing linguistic skills by singing on daily basis in order to communicate successfully with authorities and aids. Was able to communicate in code with brother before bed to reassure that plan would resume in morning.
Male parent would not stop talking about potatoes in ears. Could not handle irony. Went to bed.
-E.
-
Bbopper
Re: Emilia's Diary
September 25, 2014
Dear Diary,
Male parent has started the day with irritating doll voice. Am venting frustration by launching self’s toys everywhere.
Parents have taken to watching selves over and over on Youtube. Egos are larger than expected. May benefit self as parents will not notice when self has been missing for hours once having departed on escape mission.
Parents left self and brother alone in room again, and had covered brother with bedding and pillows in attempt to hide him, wanting to see if parents would notice he was missing. Must test parents’ skills of observation to discern how risky escape shall be and how much time brother and self have before parents notice. Mother parent removed bedding from brother. Will need to create better camouflage on next attempt.
Mother parent dressed me in shirt/dress much in manner of hospital gown. May be able to use as escaped mental patient disguise in order to catch attention of authorities.
Male parent convinced self that see-sawing with brother and self balanced on innards while choking brother attempting to keep on board is wise idea. Has left brother looking drunk and/or sick. Male parent then proceeded to bounce brother around while clawing onto brother’s arm. Am worried what this will do to brother’s limbs when they are needed to depart. Do not understand motivation of male parent. Is less of adult than self.
While male parent filmed brother falling over on floor, self rummaged through female parent’s makeup collection, determining if anything could be used as lockpick/self-defense/camouflage. Have pocketed item that may be useful. Will investigate during quiet time.
Male parent continues to whine about not sleeping enough, as if is only one poor brother is keeping awake when upset, in pain and hungry. May shove bowbow in male parent’s mouth next time begins complaining about lack of sleep.
Male parent once again blamed me for writing on walls. Is not aware entirety of audience knows is not telling truth. Has brought chalk home. Suspect may catch him eating chalk later.
Was inspecting rubbish in garden that may be able to collect and stockpile in preparation for escape. Found hammer. Investigated for a short while before presenting to male parent to test how observant to danger he is. Male parent seems not to notice nor care, made bad joke. Is obsessed with poor application of strawberry netting. Does not seem to understand how to navigate simple netting. Will remember this. May attempt to net him into bed while sleeping. Will not be able to escape. May possibly cover netting in spiders and venus fly traps.
Male parent once again pretending he is skilled by inserting screws into chalk board to assemble. Have observed method for own future tool use. Suspect is much simpler than male parent implies as he seems rather uncoordinated. Is embarrassed of filming self constructing furniture due to consistent struggles.
Female parent is pointing out how mentally slow male parent is. Will now pay more attention to female parent’s habits as male parent is no longer threat to escape. Cannot even read. Also, am fond of female parent today as she is making fun of male parent. Will certainly miss her more after departing.
Am attempting to collect vegetable reserves to stockpile as emergency rations. Female parent has given self broccoli ration. Nutrients will be needed.
Plan is coming together quickly. Linguistics are improving. Will need time to work with brother but suspect that as long as male parent doesn’t break brother’s limbs, escape should be possible.
-E.
Dear Diary,
Male parent has started the day with irritating doll voice. Am venting frustration by launching self’s toys everywhere.
Parents have taken to watching selves over and over on Youtube. Egos are larger than expected. May benefit self as parents will not notice when self has been missing for hours once having departed on escape mission.
Parents left self and brother alone in room again, and had covered brother with bedding and pillows in attempt to hide him, wanting to see if parents would notice he was missing. Must test parents’ skills of observation to discern how risky escape shall be and how much time brother and self have before parents notice. Mother parent removed bedding from brother. Will need to create better camouflage on next attempt.
Mother parent dressed me in shirt/dress much in manner of hospital gown. May be able to use as escaped mental patient disguise in order to catch attention of authorities.
Male parent convinced self that see-sawing with brother and self balanced on innards while choking brother attempting to keep on board is wise idea. Has left brother looking drunk and/or sick. Male parent then proceeded to bounce brother around while clawing onto brother’s arm. Am worried what this will do to brother’s limbs when they are needed to depart. Do not understand motivation of male parent. Is less of adult than self.
While male parent filmed brother falling over on floor, self rummaged through female parent’s makeup collection, determining if anything could be used as lockpick/self-defense/camouflage. Have pocketed item that may be useful. Will investigate during quiet time.
Male parent continues to whine about not sleeping enough, as if is only one poor brother is keeping awake when upset, in pain and hungry. May shove bowbow in male parent’s mouth next time begins complaining about lack of sleep.
Male parent once again blamed me for writing on walls. Is not aware entirety of audience knows is not telling truth. Has brought chalk home. Suspect may catch him eating chalk later.
Was inspecting rubbish in garden that may be able to collect and stockpile in preparation for escape. Found hammer. Investigated for a short while before presenting to male parent to test how observant to danger he is. Male parent seems not to notice nor care, made bad joke. Is obsessed with poor application of strawberry netting. Does not seem to understand how to navigate simple netting. Will remember this. May attempt to net him into bed while sleeping. Will not be able to escape. May possibly cover netting in spiders and venus fly traps.
Male parent once again pretending he is skilled by inserting screws into chalk board to assemble. Have observed method for own future tool use. Suspect is much simpler than male parent implies as he seems rather uncoordinated. Is embarrassed of filming self constructing furniture due to consistent struggles.
Female parent is pointing out how mentally slow male parent is. Will now pay more attention to female parent’s habits as male parent is no longer threat to escape. Cannot even read. Also, am fond of female parent today as she is making fun of male parent. Will certainly miss her more after departing.
Am attempting to collect vegetable reserves to stockpile as emergency rations. Female parent has given self broccoli ration. Nutrients will be needed.
Plan is coming together quickly. Linguistics are improving. Will need time to work with brother but suspect that as long as male parent doesn’t break brother’s limbs, escape should be possible.
-E.
-
Bbopper
Re: Emilia's Diary
September 26, 2014
Dear Diary,
Male parent begins day by saying "Statsers" over and over claiming it self's nickname because of static hair. Who is male parent trying to kid? Self barely has hair. Nearly as bald as male parent. Try to change subject by mentioning feces in attempt to disgust male parent into leaving room yet plan backfired. Male parent began talking about brother's bowel movements. Poor brother's dignity is in jeopardy.
Male parent pretends had trouble finding child-keeper to mind brother and self while parents went to party; male parent must use self and brother as both shields and translators in social situations as cannot communicate effectively with adults. Also knows self and brother are more intriguing to outsiders. Wish male parent would take doctor-prescribed medication to calm behaviour.
Have brought toy vehicles to brother to demonstrate how to use getaway car. Am confident he will understand how we must use it to escape. Have once again begun scaling furniture as may need to walk along fence at some point. Must perfect balance. Am glad am not scared of heights.
Male parent has created bagel with corn, turkey and what appears to be jam for lunch for himself. Thankfully female parent had sense to give self normal food. Suspect conconction has rewired male parent's brain as thinks he is American/Gatsby and begins speaking in very muddled accent. Thinks New Jersey is massive. Possibly also thinks no one lives in New Jersey, much like New Zealand fiasco. Am wondering what kind of accent will end up with as male parent's garbled idiotic speech and female parent's attempt at Italian make poor combination. Perhaps once escape will move to Scotland and even out dialect.
Have discovered both parents are afraid of venus fly traps. Father puts bean in plant and screams. Perfect. Must definitely acquire seeds. Is kryptonite to both parents. Excellent.
Male parent dresses like a hobo who has found suit jacket on street for party. Self looks quite adorable, if may say so. Coat is much too big, however will effectively be able to hide materials inside that can be used at a later date.
Have loaded up on macaroons to begin storing superfluous calories once escape in case food is scarce. Do not know most people at party. Will try to communicate for help.
Have found giant balloon may try to attach to brother to let him float away. While would be sad not to leave together, must save him. Fear if wait much longer brother will no longer have arms or be able to hear as male parent is always yanking on arms and screaming in ears. Have given brother balloon to begin his practice of hanging on.
Male parent has stood self on table beside open window without safety screen. Unknowingly is giving many opportunities to escape. Will need to wait until time when not so many are watching. Open window would have been perfect opportunity.
Have been given free reign to play with alcoholic treats; may stow some away under giant coat to save for days where cannot tolerate male parent. Will begin tonight.
While adults are dancing with brother and drinking, have gone to explore party room for more materials. Have hoarded much into nappy and piled other items into corner to hide under coat once depart party.
Is very late. Have not seen this hour of night in.... disregard, see this hour of night every day. Suspect male parent is drunk. Was allowed to eat too much sugar, alas, will not sleep tonight. Will use time to draw blueprints with new crayons of house layout and mark all possible escape routes.
-E.
Dear Diary,
Male parent begins day by saying "Statsers" over and over claiming it self's nickname because of static hair. Who is male parent trying to kid? Self barely has hair. Nearly as bald as male parent. Try to change subject by mentioning feces in attempt to disgust male parent into leaving room yet plan backfired. Male parent began talking about brother's bowel movements. Poor brother's dignity is in jeopardy.
Male parent pretends had trouble finding child-keeper to mind brother and self while parents went to party; male parent must use self and brother as both shields and translators in social situations as cannot communicate effectively with adults. Also knows self and brother are more intriguing to outsiders. Wish male parent would take doctor-prescribed medication to calm behaviour.
Have brought toy vehicles to brother to demonstrate how to use getaway car. Am confident he will understand how we must use it to escape. Have once again begun scaling furniture as may need to walk along fence at some point. Must perfect balance. Am glad am not scared of heights.
Male parent has created bagel with corn, turkey and what appears to be jam for lunch for himself. Thankfully female parent had sense to give self normal food. Suspect conconction has rewired male parent's brain as thinks he is American/Gatsby and begins speaking in very muddled accent. Thinks New Jersey is massive. Possibly also thinks no one lives in New Jersey, much like New Zealand fiasco. Am wondering what kind of accent will end up with as male parent's garbled idiotic speech and female parent's attempt at Italian make poor combination. Perhaps once escape will move to Scotland and even out dialect.
Have discovered both parents are afraid of venus fly traps. Father puts bean in plant and screams. Perfect. Must definitely acquire seeds. Is kryptonite to both parents. Excellent.
Male parent dresses like a hobo who has found suit jacket on street for party. Self looks quite adorable, if may say so. Coat is much too big, however will effectively be able to hide materials inside that can be used at a later date.
Have loaded up on macaroons to begin storing superfluous calories once escape in case food is scarce. Do not know most people at party. Will try to communicate for help.
Have found giant balloon may try to attach to brother to let him float away. While would be sad not to leave together, must save him. Fear if wait much longer brother will no longer have arms or be able to hear as male parent is always yanking on arms and screaming in ears. Have given brother balloon to begin his practice of hanging on.
Male parent has stood self on table beside open window without safety screen. Unknowingly is giving many opportunities to escape. Will need to wait until time when not so many are watching. Open window would have been perfect opportunity.
Have been given free reign to play with alcoholic treats; may stow some away under giant coat to save for days where cannot tolerate male parent. Will begin tonight.
While adults are dancing with brother and drinking, have gone to explore party room for more materials. Have hoarded much into nappy and piled other items into corner to hide under coat once depart party.
Is very late. Have not seen this hour of night in.... disregard, see this hour of night every day. Suspect male parent is drunk. Was allowed to eat too much sugar, alas, will not sleep tonight. Will use time to draw blueprints with new crayons of house layout and mark all possible escape routes.
-E.
-
Bbopper
Re: Emilia's Diary
September 27, 2014
Dear Diary,
When greeted brother this morning, observed him viewing iPad contraption. When parents not paying attention, will rig iPad to acquire Netflix and stream "Catch Me If You Can." May provide brother with helpful tips on how to evade capture once escape. Have viewed film several times by self during quite time and find quite useful.
Male parent sang into toilet roll. Used toilet roll. Then proceed to place lampshade on brother's head while once again claiming it was self. Do not know how self could have maneuvered large lamp shade onto brother's head but have stopped attempting to understand male parent's enjoyment at sabotaging self. Feel is what primary school will be like. Much sabotage.
Have learned how to use Siri function on cellular telephone. Since male parent cannot understand what self says ever, shall ask Siri questions about most successful escape artists in all history in order to acquire better understanding of methods and tactics. Did not anticipate planning of escape to be this easy however male parent has proven himself slower than initially suspected.
Male parent admitted to being hungover. Self understands that male parent only had two cocktails. Pussy. Is like teenager drinking for first time.
Male parent obsesses over pictures of self taken at party yesterday. Thinks is so handsome, in manner of James Bond. Must try not to give self away by laughing too loudly at this.
Parents are attempting to tell pointless story on vlog; self has joined dogs in barking and yelping in order to drown out sound of parents' story. Attempting to save sanity of viewers on internet. Also, male parent cannot say brother's name properly. Says "Dwarduh." Suspect bowl of mashed potatoes splattered on floor would sound more like "Eduardo" than male parent is able to spout.
Took opportunity to run away from parents while were not paying attention while in field today. Male parent noticed several minutes after escape attempt and chased after self. Once caught, self struggled to escape but succumbed knowing was too late. Male parent loves saying "no" to self without any actual attempt to stop self from doing things. Have learned not to take what male parent says seriously knowing will not do anything to stop self from doing anything whatsoever. Example, let self walk close to edge of cliff today while stood behind on grass. Will prove to be useful when time to leave for good.
Female parent says self would never have slept against chest during walks. Had female parent ever cuddled self, may have had opportunity.
Have found that singing drowns out irritating voice of male parent. Do it at every opportunity now.
Passed out in car and for brief moment contemplated never waking up. Am discouraged today after foiled attempt to escape in park. Furthermore, having to listen to male parent say "hello everybody" 19 billion times while staring at himself in mirror once home was enough to make self want to slip into coma. Cannot handle for much longer. Wish brother was ready to depart as want to leave immediately. Am beginning to wonder if will have to leave brother behind. May have to fend for self. May come back in future once established elsewhere for brother. Female parent is obsessed with brother and is always using as excuse to expose breasts on internet. Is hard to find him alone.
Male parent claims is best parent of the year. Need not comment further.
Eating fatty dinner extremely late again. Maybe will help in putting self into coma. Can only hope that will not wake up for 36 hours for interim break from nightmare that is life.
In moment of hopelessness, took off into night to attempt to escape again. Unfortunately male parent was surprisingly aware and did not succeed. Tomorrow. IF self wakes from late-night grease feast.
-E.
Dear Diary,
When greeted brother this morning, observed him viewing iPad contraption. When parents not paying attention, will rig iPad to acquire Netflix and stream "Catch Me If You Can." May provide brother with helpful tips on how to evade capture once escape. Have viewed film several times by self during quite time and find quite useful.
Male parent sang into toilet roll. Used toilet roll. Then proceed to place lampshade on brother's head while once again claiming it was self. Do not know how self could have maneuvered large lamp shade onto brother's head but have stopped attempting to understand male parent's enjoyment at sabotaging self. Feel is what primary school will be like. Much sabotage.
Have learned how to use Siri function on cellular telephone. Since male parent cannot understand what self says ever, shall ask Siri questions about most successful escape artists in all history in order to acquire better understanding of methods and tactics. Did not anticipate planning of escape to be this easy however male parent has proven himself slower than initially suspected.
Male parent admitted to being hungover. Self understands that male parent only had two cocktails. Pussy. Is like teenager drinking for first time.
Male parent obsesses over pictures of self taken at party yesterday. Thinks is so handsome, in manner of James Bond. Must try not to give self away by laughing too loudly at this.
Parents are attempting to tell pointless story on vlog; self has joined dogs in barking and yelping in order to drown out sound of parents' story. Attempting to save sanity of viewers on internet. Also, male parent cannot say brother's name properly. Says "Dwarduh." Suspect bowl of mashed potatoes splattered on floor would sound more like "Eduardo" than male parent is able to spout.
Took opportunity to run away from parents while were not paying attention while in field today. Male parent noticed several minutes after escape attempt and chased after self. Once caught, self struggled to escape but succumbed knowing was too late. Male parent loves saying "no" to self without any actual attempt to stop self from doing things. Have learned not to take what male parent says seriously knowing will not do anything to stop self from doing anything whatsoever. Example, let self walk close to edge of cliff today while stood behind on grass. Will prove to be useful when time to leave for good.
Female parent says self would never have slept against chest during walks. Had female parent ever cuddled self, may have had opportunity.
Have found that singing drowns out irritating voice of male parent. Do it at every opportunity now.
Passed out in car and for brief moment contemplated never waking up. Am discouraged today after foiled attempt to escape in park. Furthermore, having to listen to male parent say "hello everybody" 19 billion times while staring at himself in mirror once home was enough to make self want to slip into coma. Cannot handle for much longer. Wish brother was ready to depart as want to leave immediately. Am beginning to wonder if will have to leave brother behind. May have to fend for self. May come back in future once established elsewhere for brother. Female parent is obsessed with brother and is always using as excuse to expose breasts on internet. Is hard to find him alone.
Male parent claims is best parent of the year. Need not comment further.
Eating fatty dinner extremely late again. Maybe will help in putting self into coma. Can only hope that will not wake up for 36 hours for interim break from nightmare that is life.
In moment of hopelessness, took off into night to attempt to escape again. Unfortunately male parent was surprisingly aware and did not succeed. Tomorrow. IF self wakes from late-night grease feast.
-E.
-
Bbopper
Re: Emilia's Diary
September 28, 2014
Dear Diary,
After disheartening day of near-escapes and infuriating repeatery by male parent yesterday, am not going to focus on escape today. Self cannot handle disappointment at least for another 24 hours.
Female parent has put bowbow in self before has even dressed self. Fear that female parent may forget self is girl sometimes so must remind herself. Cannot think why else female parent would put bowbow on self while still in pyjamas. Brother attempted to eat recording device. Wish had succeeded. Am tired of having device rammed into face by male parent.
Female parent painted self's nails today. Must admit, self looks quite cute. However, given how independent self is and how self likes to feed self, may find nail polish in excrement upon ingestion more often than not.
Male parent telling viewers that self can climb into car by self. Must be speaking of getaway car because not sure how male parent thinks two year old could maneuver self into SUV. Wish male parent would stop being so dumb. Have reminded parents that brother is still baby so will not try to force him to enter car on own.
Have continued perpetual singing to drown out male parent's voice. Works quite well. Will make habit of such every day.
Parents have purchased candy vitamins for self as only feed self pasta yet claim is because self is picky. Would love to try more variety of foods if only parents would buy something other than fusilli. Is ok though, as self will be happy eating nothing but gummy candies. At least am allowed to behave like child when it comes to eating nothing but sweets as is encouraged by handlers. Oops, *parents. Parents seem not to realize that audience will know reason self being given gummy vitamins is because doctor told parents are not feeding self well and is becoming unhealthy and lacking in nutrients. Cannot claim to be amazing parents. Suspect, however, that parents will continue to try to say so regardless.
Am enjoying cardio escape plan has prompted self to do. Run at every opportunity. Running today as mostly am disgusted with male parent who makes female parent carry all grocery bags as male parent incapable of putting recording device down for single moment. Even when grocery shopping. Male parent forces such boring life upon female parent, self, and brother. Thinks most exciting part of day is shopping for groceries. At least get human contact that is not parents. First time am seeing so many strangers in one place in whole life while in grocery store. Brother sleeping while shopping with face smothered into blankets. Suspects brother feels today how self felt yesterday. Will give brother cuddles when able later on.
Female parent bought puppy toy under guise of giving to self as toy but female parent has commandeered toy and buys only for herself now. Cannot even have toys to self. Conflict ensued between parents when male parent dared suggest self play with toys that were not designated as girls-only toys. Suspect female parent thinks self may become butch motorcycling, tattoo-having, wheatgrass-eating lady-man by age of 4 if allowed to play with Lego.
Am scaling furniture again today, not so much for escape preparation but to observe father's bald spot. Appears to be growing rapidly. Is humourous to self.
Male parent already failing at new intro for videos. Blames brother and self for being distracting instead of admitting himself cannot engage enough self-control to finish something in timely manner.
Self has put bowbows and female hair accessories on brother to test female parent's reaction to obvious deviance from male style expectatons and stereotypes. Seems not to mind. Perhaps deflects by claiming that brother can speak by saying "Mama." Am only two but collective IQ of both parents is lower than self. Take out frustration by tearing around kitchen and attempting to faceplant floor to knock self out as parents are screaming in self's ears. Cannot handle anymore. As soon as male parent said, "Mama, give me your boobs" in horrifically creepy voice pretending to be brother, checked out of life for day. May spend quiet time eye-rolling until eyes fall out of head tonight.
-E.
Dear Diary,
After disheartening day of near-escapes and infuriating repeatery by male parent yesterday, am not going to focus on escape today. Self cannot handle disappointment at least for another 24 hours.
Female parent has put bowbow in self before has even dressed self. Fear that female parent may forget self is girl sometimes so must remind herself. Cannot think why else female parent would put bowbow on self while still in pyjamas. Brother attempted to eat recording device. Wish had succeeded. Am tired of having device rammed into face by male parent.
Female parent painted self's nails today. Must admit, self looks quite cute. However, given how independent self is and how self likes to feed self, may find nail polish in excrement upon ingestion more often than not.
Male parent telling viewers that self can climb into car by self. Must be speaking of getaway car because not sure how male parent thinks two year old could maneuver self into SUV. Wish male parent would stop being so dumb. Have reminded parents that brother is still baby so will not try to force him to enter car on own.
Have continued perpetual singing to drown out male parent's voice. Works quite well. Will make habit of such every day.
Parents have purchased candy vitamins for self as only feed self pasta yet claim is because self is picky. Would love to try more variety of foods if only parents would buy something other than fusilli. Is ok though, as self will be happy eating nothing but gummy candies. At least am allowed to behave like child when it comes to eating nothing but sweets as is encouraged by handlers. Oops, *parents. Parents seem not to realize that audience will know reason self being given gummy vitamins is because doctor told parents are not feeding self well and is becoming unhealthy and lacking in nutrients. Cannot claim to be amazing parents. Suspect, however, that parents will continue to try to say so regardless.
Am enjoying cardio escape plan has prompted self to do. Run at every opportunity. Running today as mostly am disgusted with male parent who makes female parent carry all grocery bags as male parent incapable of putting recording device down for single moment. Even when grocery shopping. Male parent forces such boring life upon female parent, self, and brother. Thinks most exciting part of day is shopping for groceries. At least get human contact that is not parents. First time am seeing so many strangers in one place in whole life while in grocery store. Brother sleeping while shopping with face smothered into blankets. Suspects brother feels today how self felt yesterday. Will give brother cuddles when able later on.
Female parent bought puppy toy under guise of giving to self as toy but female parent has commandeered toy and buys only for herself now. Cannot even have toys to self. Conflict ensued between parents when male parent dared suggest self play with toys that were not designated as girls-only toys. Suspect female parent thinks self may become butch motorcycling, tattoo-having, wheatgrass-eating lady-man by age of 4 if allowed to play with Lego.
Am scaling furniture again today, not so much for escape preparation but to observe father's bald spot. Appears to be growing rapidly. Is humourous to self.
Male parent already failing at new intro for videos. Blames brother and self for being distracting instead of admitting himself cannot engage enough self-control to finish something in timely manner.
Self has put bowbows and female hair accessories on brother to test female parent's reaction to obvious deviance from male style expectatons and stereotypes. Seems not to mind. Perhaps deflects by claiming that brother can speak by saying "Mama." Am only two but collective IQ of both parents is lower than self. Take out frustration by tearing around kitchen and attempting to faceplant floor to knock self out as parents are screaming in self's ears. Cannot handle anymore. As soon as male parent said, "Mama, give me your boobs" in horrifically creepy voice pretending to be brother, checked out of life for day. May spend quiet time eye-rolling until eyes fall out of head tonight.
-E.
-
Bbopper
Re: Emilia's Diary
September 29, 2014
Dear Diary,
Once again have found self in state of hopelessness. Will try to survive day. May resume escape plans tomorrow. Have used productive morning of freedom to scatter toys and clothes all over stairs in attempt to trip male parent. Hoping he may catch feet on self’s bathing suit straps, fall down stairs, and be unable to talk for 10 minutes. Is most can hope for.
Male parent making fun of self’s counting. Omitted several numbers when counting as was sure male parent would get confused if listed numbers in sequence. Clearly male parents thinks self isidiot of situation.
Male parent threw self face-down onto bed, almost onto brother. Parents continue to argue and speak to each other in impertinent manner in front of self and brother. Is odd to be two and already aware parents hate each other. Female parent tries to change subject by applying makeup to self. Once again, am prettiest one in house.
Am continuing to plot blueprints of house on chalkboard. Male parent thinks am drawing human body. Clearly am not. Suspect he may possibly not only be stupid but also visually impaired. Attempted to get self to draw circle to try to show viewers that self drew on wall. Suspect they will still know was not self.
Male parent puts solar lights in shade, is confused as to why they aren’t bright. Male parent can’t understand brightness as is not bright himself.
Male parent incapable of cleaning garden himself, forces self to do most of work. Should be getting paid not only for existing but housework. Sadly, self only gets paid in chewy vitamins. Have been reduced to nothing but child slave.
Went inside for relief, however female parent continued slavery by making self empty dishwasher. Am wondering how parents made it to adulthood. Female parent cannot even point recording device at face. More often than not is pointed at chin. Perhaps is used to male parent pointing recording device at beasts, therefore finding happy medium.
Male parent pretended that brother spoke the word “Dada,” however female parent got upset , yelled at male parent that he did not and that male parent lied about it. Am beginning to really enjoy female parent calling out male parent in lies. Resentful side of self lives for it. Male parent had audacity to tell self to stop talking when male parent never closes mouth. Considered poking male parent’s eyes out. Refrained (somehow).
Male parent left brother alone to be babysat by recording device. Suspect most of parenting for self and brother will come from iPad and television in future.
Parents put self and brother to bed so they could eat self’s sweets from store yesterday. Typical. Cannot have anything to self, even when bought for self. Wonder if male parent will begin taking self’s nappies and wearing. Male parent may need them as about as competent as brother. Less so, even.
Male parent claimed has only sent two Snapchats to young girls. More lies. Suspect may be trying to deflect heat in wake of Sam Pepper scandal, as male parent quite guilty as well. Spends all day on telephone messaging young girls. Even goes to coffee shops to do so; picture of which on internet and still thinks no one is aware.
Male parent asked self to talk during the end slate but refused as am not performing monkey. Male father therefore resented self so much he went on petulant ramble by taking aim at viewers pointing out that videos are boring. Self agrees. Would love to do more than go to shops for pasta, however, do not. Therefore, life is boring. Thinks male parent should simply give up and admit that he is not worth watching. Cannot even stand him being in same house let alone choosing to look directly at him for 15 minutes. Will resume escape plans tomorrow. Cannot handle boring life in boring house with boring male parent on boring Youtube anymore.
-E.
Dear Diary,
Once again have found self in state of hopelessness. Will try to survive day. May resume escape plans tomorrow. Have used productive morning of freedom to scatter toys and clothes all over stairs in attempt to trip male parent. Hoping he may catch feet on self’s bathing suit straps, fall down stairs, and be unable to talk for 10 minutes. Is most can hope for.
Male parent making fun of self’s counting. Omitted several numbers when counting as was sure male parent would get confused if listed numbers in sequence. Clearly male parents thinks self isidiot of situation.
Male parent threw self face-down onto bed, almost onto brother. Parents continue to argue and speak to each other in impertinent manner in front of self and brother. Is odd to be two and already aware parents hate each other. Female parent tries to change subject by applying makeup to self. Once again, am prettiest one in house.
Am continuing to plot blueprints of house on chalkboard. Male parent thinks am drawing human body. Clearly am not. Suspect he may possibly not only be stupid but also visually impaired. Attempted to get self to draw circle to try to show viewers that self drew on wall. Suspect they will still know was not self.
Male parent puts solar lights in shade, is confused as to why they aren’t bright. Male parent can’t understand brightness as is not bright himself.
Male parent incapable of cleaning garden himself, forces self to do most of work. Should be getting paid not only for existing but housework. Sadly, self only gets paid in chewy vitamins. Have been reduced to nothing but child slave.
Went inside for relief, however female parent continued slavery by making self empty dishwasher. Am wondering how parents made it to adulthood. Female parent cannot even point recording device at face. More often than not is pointed at chin. Perhaps is used to male parent pointing recording device at beasts, therefore finding happy medium.
Male parent pretended that brother spoke the word “Dada,” however female parent got upset , yelled at male parent that he did not and that male parent lied about it. Am beginning to really enjoy female parent calling out male parent in lies. Resentful side of self lives for it. Male parent had audacity to tell self to stop talking when male parent never closes mouth. Considered poking male parent’s eyes out. Refrained (somehow).
Male parent left brother alone to be babysat by recording device. Suspect most of parenting for self and brother will come from iPad and television in future.
Parents put self and brother to bed so they could eat self’s sweets from store yesterday. Typical. Cannot have anything to self, even when bought for self. Wonder if male parent will begin taking self’s nappies and wearing. Male parent may need them as about as competent as brother. Less so, even.
Male parent claimed has only sent two Snapchats to young girls. More lies. Suspect may be trying to deflect heat in wake of Sam Pepper scandal, as male parent quite guilty as well. Spends all day on telephone messaging young girls. Even goes to coffee shops to do so; picture of which on internet and still thinks no one is aware.
Male parent asked self to talk during the end slate but refused as am not performing monkey. Male father therefore resented self so much he went on petulant ramble by taking aim at viewers pointing out that videos are boring. Self agrees. Would love to do more than go to shops for pasta, however, do not. Therefore, life is boring. Thinks male parent should simply give up and admit that he is not worth watching. Cannot even stand him being in same house let alone choosing to look directly at him for 15 minutes. Will resume escape plans tomorrow. Cannot handle boring life in boring house with boring male parent on boring Youtube anymore.
-E.
-
Bbopper
Re: Emilia's Diary
September 30, 2014
Dear Diary,
After a night of contemplative thought, think have come up with concrete plan for escape. Will go to Oma. Has better cooking, is lovely, loves self, and will no doubt take self in. Operation Stronzo has commenced. Will take time to formulate but am feeling revitalized now that have concrete direction.
Have stacked toys on top of each other to see how high can grow pile and use to perhaps climb out of window with. May be long way down but after scaling furniture suspect may be able to quite successfully scale outside of home/cage.
Have noticed male parent making attempt to appear as though cares for female parent. Makes self most uncomfortable. Knows male parent cuddles self’s toys at night, not female parent.
Female parent continues to wear pants colour of skin. Think perhaps may be able to use upon escape as individuals who see naked baby will most definitely rescue. Could be way to tell those who find self that am from Ireland. Oma’s, specifically. Will likely provide free transport back to Oma’s.
Alfie and Zoe visited self today. Zoe resembles onion with bun on top of head. Suspects Zoe may have mild obsession with self; will try to determine if Zoe can be trusted to include in Operation Stronzo. May be able to use as resource for escape. Possible transportation.
Female parent attempts hula hooping, looks like 60 year old mother in dance club attempting moves. Wonder how self was conceived, furthermore, wonder how brother happened with moves like that.
Male parent even more of incompetent monster while attempting to use hula hoop. Once parents break hoop, will collect pieces. May be able to use as breathing apparatus should self need to do any swimming during escape to Oma’s. Will search for breathing apparatus construction tutorial on iPad during quiet time.
Went to aquarium today as male parent desperate to make vlogs appear not boring, but saw sharks in tanks, became afraid and claimed aquarium was closed (even though opened at 10am until 4). Thus went once again to pier. Boring. Plan to make days not boring resulted in more boringness.
Parents put self in mechanical car. Enjoyed to great extent as was able to begin discerning how to operate vehicle in case self finds functioning motor vehicle to commandeer.
Parents spend more money playing games than self is allowed to. Male parent managed to obtain Peppa Pig toy with claw and kept for himself. Am not surprised.
Will use time here to perfect precision skills and hand-eye coordination while parents playing own games. Had tried to work on precision skills by touching brother’s eyes, however realized was poor planning on self’s part. Brother needs eyes. Also, aggravated beyond belief that parents brought self here for parents’ own enjoyment, not self’s. Wish parents had left self at home to mind brother so could use time productively to plan, log blueprints and construct useful materials. Parents seem not to care that self is not having fun. Parents never seem to care. Are only concerned with own enjoyment. Cannot leave fast enough. Suspect male parent has spent what little was put away for self’s college fund on games.
Male parent let self stand in roller skates. Almost felt ankles snap as am not skilled at roller skates however will work on during quiet time. May be reliable mode of transport.
Male parent made self appear in endslate again. Asked if was happy about toy male parent claimed to have won for self, which incidentally did not even give self. Well, male parent, how feel about all money in bank account that self has made for you? How feel when self sues male parent once turn 18 and takes all money back? Think on that and get back to self.
-E.
Dear Diary,
After a night of contemplative thought, think have come up with concrete plan for escape. Will go to Oma. Has better cooking, is lovely, loves self, and will no doubt take self in. Operation Stronzo has commenced. Will take time to formulate but am feeling revitalized now that have concrete direction.
Have stacked toys on top of each other to see how high can grow pile and use to perhaps climb out of window with. May be long way down but after scaling furniture suspect may be able to quite successfully scale outside of home/cage.
Have noticed male parent making attempt to appear as though cares for female parent. Makes self most uncomfortable. Knows male parent cuddles self’s toys at night, not female parent.
Female parent continues to wear pants colour of skin. Think perhaps may be able to use upon escape as individuals who see naked baby will most definitely rescue. Could be way to tell those who find self that am from Ireland. Oma’s, specifically. Will likely provide free transport back to Oma’s.
Alfie and Zoe visited self today. Zoe resembles onion with bun on top of head. Suspects Zoe may have mild obsession with self; will try to determine if Zoe can be trusted to include in Operation Stronzo. May be able to use as resource for escape. Possible transportation.
Female parent attempts hula hooping, looks like 60 year old mother in dance club attempting moves. Wonder how self was conceived, furthermore, wonder how brother happened with moves like that.
Male parent even more of incompetent monster while attempting to use hula hoop. Once parents break hoop, will collect pieces. May be able to use as breathing apparatus should self need to do any swimming during escape to Oma’s. Will search for breathing apparatus construction tutorial on iPad during quiet time.
Went to aquarium today as male parent desperate to make vlogs appear not boring, but saw sharks in tanks, became afraid and claimed aquarium was closed (even though opened at 10am until 4). Thus went once again to pier. Boring. Plan to make days not boring resulted in more boringness.
Parents put self in mechanical car. Enjoyed to great extent as was able to begin discerning how to operate vehicle in case self finds functioning motor vehicle to commandeer.
Parents spend more money playing games than self is allowed to. Male parent managed to obtain Peppa Pig toy with claw and kept for himself. Am not surprised.
Will use time here to perfect precision skills and hand-eye coordination while parents playing own games. Had tried to work on precision skills by touching brother’s eyes, however realized was poor planning on self’s part. Brother needs eyes. Also, aggravated beyond belief that parents brought self here for parents’ own enjoyment, not self’s. Wish parents had left self at home to mind brother so could use time productively to plan, log blueprints and construct useful materials. Parents seem not to care that self is not having fun. Parents never seem to care. Are only concerned with own enjoyment. Cannot leave fast enough. Suspect male parent has spent what little was put away for self’s college fund on games.
Male parent let self stand in roller skates. Almost felt ankles snap as am not skilled at roller skates however will work on during quiet time. May be reliable mode of transport.
Male parent made self appear in endslate again. Asked if was happy about toy male parent claimed to have won for self, which incidentally did not even give self. Well, male parent, how feel about all money in bank account that self has made for you? How feel when self sues male parent once turn 18 and takes all money back? Think on that and get back to self.
-E.
-
Bbopper
Re: Emilia's Diary
October 1, 2014
Dear Diary,
After much anticipation, male parent posted new intro today for video. Is about 0.57 seconds long. Did not even make himself. Claims in subnotes of video that was created by himself, takes credit and trademarks. Must log male parent’s lies in case male parent goes to jail and self must go on witness stand. Diary proving useful log of questionable events.
Have taken to spending more time with canine housemates as had thought late in night last week: could perhaps rope canines together in manner of dogsled team in hopes of escaping quickly. Obviously would need to commandeer dogs after taken on rare walk by either parent as by then harnesses are perfectly tangled as to be able to use as dogsled team so will need to be extra-vigilant and aware in case parents leave self alone with dogs after rare walk. Is possibility.
Male parent continues to try to sabotage self by threatening anger from female parent by having canine in bed. Does nothing to remove dog or keep it secret. Suspect is more of a pain in self’s behind than brother ever will be. Self does not understand why male parent always trying to get self into trouble, especially by doing things male parent blames on self. For example, male parent bowed out of supposed meetings had in town and blamed on self being tired for reason as not going. Is not self’s fault. Male parent brought self and brother home past midnight. Clearly am fine now. Am happy and not grumpy. Am tired of being blamed for male parent not being able to be self-sufficient adult.
Female parent cries because did not catch brother saying “Mama” on camera because knows male parent will lie and pretend brother’s first word was “Dada.” Feel for female parent. Are in same boat of being sabotaged by selfish egomaniac of male parent. Male parent claimed was joking. Suspect everyone with earholes is well aware was not, but was trying to make himself look better, as always. Tried to comfort female parent and let her know self knows how she feels. Female parent tried to cover self’s ears when male parent said female parent liked brother better. Was sweet. Gave self nice hug and cuddle. Will call her Mother now. Yes, will indeed miss Mother more. Suspect will not miss male parent at all.
Brother has taken to screaming while male parent talks to drown him out. Brother is learning. Male parent then proceeds to sit both self and brother on edge of counter. Hope brother does not fall off thus impeding chance of escape. Hope self does not fall off as well. Brother protects self from falling by putting arm across self’s front. Is sweet brother.
Male parent planning on dragging self and brother to meet many strangers in Ireland in October. Could not be more perfect. Will be close to Oma. Will have chance to make escape to Oma’s without having to cross body of water. Oma may even attend circus meet-up with self and brother and can depart with Oma. Will have chance to tell Oma do not want to return to Surrey with parents. Oma can save self and brother from certain life of misery. Yes. Perfect. Have renewed hope. Feel as though self is now Indiana Jones, preparing for adventure of lifetime, can accomplish anything. Will be great success!
Brother continues to show progress. Has stacked toys on top of each other as self did yesterday. Am impressed with brother’s ability to emulate self. Will prove useful. Plans moving forward successfully.
Male parent chases self with annoying doll voice once again. Aim directly for furniture to begin scaling in effort to fast-track balance and climbing capabilities. Find cannot escape from male parent ramming toy at self so try to find safety against Mother. Does not work as male parent continues to jab toy into self.
Male parent begins singing about Mother and brother showering together. Mother comments on how creepy song is. Naturally, male parent continues singing. Cannot wait until male parent is taken away by five-oh.
Male parent’s solution to crying brother is to make him more upset. Leaves self with brother in Mother’s bed to watch television downstairs. Enjoy this as can communicate with brother in privacy about plan to escape to Oma’s during Irish meet-up.
Male parent once again verbally claims has made intro himself. Evidence on social media that male parent was asking viewer to finish intro and upload in HD for him. Hope she takes him to cleaners for stealing intellectual property. However, has no intellect of own so self figures he must steal from someone. Least he could do is say “thank you.” Self may only be two but has better manners than male parent.
Will spend evening conversing with brother about how will need to begin working on plan of action for escape and what it may entail. Know will need to work on brother’s upper body strength. Will report back tomorrow.
-E.
Dear Diary,
After much anticipation, male parent posted new intro today for video. Is about 0.57 seconds long. Did not even make himself. Claims in subnotes of video that was created by himself, takes credit and trademarks. Must log male parent’s lies in case male parent goes to jail and self must go on witness stand. Diary proving useful log of questionable events.
Have taken to spending more time with canine housemates as had thought late in night last week: could perhaps rope canines together in manner of dogsled team in hopes of escaping quickly. Obviously would need to commandeer dogs after taken on rare walk by either parent as by then harnesses are perfectly tangled as to be able to use as dogsled team so will need to be extra-vigilant and aware in case parents leave self alone with dogs after rare walk. Is possibility.
Male parent continues to try to sabotage self by threatening anger from female parent by having canine in bed. Does nothing to remove dog or keep it secret. Suspect is more of a pain in self’s behind than brother ever will be. Self does not understand why male parent always trying to get self into trouble, especially by doing things male parent blames on self. For example, male parent bowed out of supposed meetings had in town and blamed on self being tired for reason as not going. Is not self’s fault. Male parent brought self and brother home past midnight. Clearly am fine now. Am happy and not grumpy. Am tired of being blamed for male parent not being able to be self-sufficient adult.
Female parent cries because did not catch brother saying “Mama” on camera because knows male parent will lie and pretend brother’s first word was “Dada.” Feel for female parent. Are in same boat of being sabotaged by selfish egomaniac of male parent. Male parent claimed was joking. Suspect everyone with earholes is well aware was not, but was trying to make himself look better, as always. Tried to comfort female parent and let her know self knows how she feels. Female parent tried to cover self’s ears when male parent said female parent liked brother better. Was sweet. Gave self nice hug and cuddle. Will call her Mother now. Yes, will indeed miss Mother more. Suspect will not miss male parent at all.
Brother has taken to screaming while male parent talks to drown him out. Brother is learning. Male parent then proceeds to sit both self and brother on edge of counter. Hope brother does not fall off thus impeding chance of escape. Hope self does not fall off as well. Brother protects self from falling by putting arm across self’s front. Is sweet brother.
Male parent planning on dragging self and brother to meet many strangers in Ireland in October. Could not be more perfect. Will be close to Oma. Will have chance to make escape to Oma’s without having to cross body of water. Oma may even attend circus meet-up with self and brother and can depart with Oma. Will have chance to tell Oma do not want to return to Surrey with parents. Oma can save self and brother from certain life of misery. Yes. Perfect. Have renewed hope. Feel as though self is now Indiana Jones, preparing for adventure of lifetime, can accomplish anything. Will be great success!
Brother continues to show progress. Has stacked toys on top of each other as self did yesterday. Am impressed with brother’s ability to emulate self. Will prove useful. Plans moving forward successfully.
Male parent chases self with annoying doll voice once again. Aim directly for furniture to begin scaling in effort to fast-track balance and climbing capabilities. Find cannot escape from male parent ramming toy at self so try to find safety against Mother. Does not work as male parent continues to jab toy into self.
Male parent begins singing about Mother and brother showering together. Mother comments on how creepy song is. Naturally, male parent continues singing. Cannot wait until male parent is taken away by five-oh.
Male parent’s solution to crying brother is to make him more upset. Leaves self with brother in Mother’s bed to watch television downstairs. Enjoy this as can communicate with brother in privacy about plan to escape to Oma’s during Irish meet-up.
Male parent once again verbally claims has made intro himself. Evidence on social media that male parent was asking viewer to finish intro and upload in HD for him. Hope she takes him to cleaners for stealing intellectual property. However, has no intellect of own so self figures he must steal from someone. Least he could do is say “thank you.” Self may only be two but has better manners than male parent.
Will spend evening conversing with brother about how will need to begin working on plan of action for escape and what it may entail. Know will need to work on brother’s upper body strength. Will report back tomorrow.
-E.
-
Bbopper
Re: Emilia's Diary
October 2, 2014
Dear Diary,
Male parent has perched brother on edge of stairs this morning. Brought stuffed animals to him to provide extra padding should he tumble down stairs. Am hoping that work with him recently will have taught him to tuck and roll and not fight it, as with male parent influence brother will eventually fall. Am trying to show brother that self will protect him, must not worry. Male parent talking about how forces self and brother to mature must faster than should or are ready to as wants to put infant brother into full blown bed; Mother seems to not agree. Prefers to purchase furniture more age appropriate.
Male parent wanted to put brother’s bed next to 3rd floor window; Mother had to remind him was terribly dangerous. Am almost hoping that male parent will get his way this time as proximity to window may mean easy escape in night should Operation Stronzo fail. Risk is, should something go wrong, self and brother will most definitely face certain death from fall at that height no matter how many toys scatter on ground for cushioning.
When male parent left self and brother alone in room to play to be babysat by recording device, brought suitcase over to brother as had idea that could stow brother in suitcase during Operation Stronzo. Am instructing brother on how to pretzel himself into case.
Male parent made passive aggressive comment about taking over Mother’s channel and how Mother was not upset with him over such; had to laugh as male parent will stop at nothing to rub in face of people in internet “group” who care for self and brother more than male parent does. If male parent loved self as strangers in internet “group” do, would not have had to devise Operation Stronzo in first place.
Am becoming confused about gender expectations. For past two years Mother has been telling self am not allowed to wear anything blue but must only wear pink with bowbows so random public knows self is girl. So this morning, self put blue toy in brother’s swing as Mother has taught self that blue is for boys. But Mother then said that she did not teach self about gender-specific colours and that girls are allowed to play with blue things. Am so very confused. Is self still girl, if allowed to play with blue toys? Am wearing blue today, does mean self is now boy? Or is self not to care of gender-specific colours anymore? Mother then mentioned how self gives blue dishes from kitchen set to brother and male parent while self and Mother get pink and yellow plates, yet is now making fun of self for doing what Mother has taught self to believe about gender and colours. The more self thinks about this the more self becomes confused as am no longer aware of what expectations for self are. Will continue to use pink as do not want to anger Mother nor cause her to humiliate or stereotype self anymore. Perfect example ensued: Albi began playing with pink toy and Mother became angry. Is because Albi is boy, is not allowed to play with pink toys.
Was caught by Mother watching tutorial on trellis-climbing on iPad during quiet time. Must be more vigilant about keeping one ear on door. Am just so used to being left alone for so long that am surprised when parents actually do show up.
Am able to bond with brother during quiet time as brother sleeps next to sister. Is important to forge togetherness as a)only have each other as parents concerned with #1 (selves) and b) will need brother to trust self if escape is to be success. Have best interests at heart. Want brother to have chance to grow up normally away from cameras in face all day. Do not want him to grow up being known as little boy who loves Mother’s breasts as will be so horrifically embarrassing for brother once grows up. Care so much for him. Want to see brother happy. Has been so sad lately. When brother is crying parents just shove camera in his face; want to take him somewhere where instead of being filmed when sad, will be hugged and cuddled. Brother’s sadness used too much as entertainment here. Is so hard for self to see. Want brother to be safe. Example, male parent forced brother to stand in crib although brother fell back and was about inch away from cracking head open on rails as cannot stand. Forced self to nearly shout out as was scary. Poor brother’s head whipped back while male parent laughed. Cannot leave brother here to die at hands of careless male parent. Wish Mother would stand up to male parent more often as may not have a chance to survive until escape otherwise. Mother is only one who can save self and brother, as male parent’s excuse for letting brother fall was because “he’s a boy”; took that to assume just because is boy would have been fine if cracked head open on bed railings. Remember time self smashed teeth on crib railing and how much it hurt; know will happen to brother sooner rather than later; thought makes self sick. Male parent made brother stand again and turned camera off so people would not see brother fall second time.
Male parent attempted to give motivational speech today, something about “balls.” Will refrain from pointing out to male parent that he has none. Furthermore, does not have to juggle balls as has nothing in life that requires juggling. Does not have job must go to, barely cares for self and brother, orders food to be delivered constantly; is virtually void of commitments. Is like elephant telling fish how to use fin to swim. Elephant must actually have fin in order to have audacity to tell fish how to use own appendages. Is trying to convince viewers that male parent and Mother are very happy together; self is only two but knows that when two parents are happy together, do not act like cannot stand to be near each other. Do not lie to each other. Do not split things 70/30. Is equal balance. Show affection. Do not lie or roll eyes. Parents do not love each other. Do not know who will fall for “speech” on love. Male parent knows as much about love as self knows about astrophysics.
-E.
Dear Diary,
Male parent has perched brother on edge of stairs this morning. Brought stuffed animals to him to provide extra padding should he tumble down stairs. Am hoping that work with him recently will have taught him to tuck and roll and not fight it, as with male parent influence brother will eventually fall. Am trying to show brother that self will protect him, must not worry. Male parent talking about how forces self and brother to mature must faster than should or are ready to as wants to put infant brother into full blown bed; Mother seems to not agree. Prefers to purchase furniture more age appropriate.
Male parent wanted to put brother’s bed next to 3rd floor window; Mother had to remind him was terribly dangerous. Am almost hoping that male parent will get his way this time as proximity to window may mean easy escape in night should Operation Stronzo fail. Risk is, should something go wrong, self and brother will most definitely face certain death from fall at that height no matter how many toys scatter on ground for cushioning.
When male parent left self and brother alone in room to play to be babysat by recording device, brought suitcase over to brother as had idea that could stow brother in suitcase during Operation Stronzo. Am instructing brother on how to pretzel himself into case.
Male parent made passive aggressive comment about taking over Mother’s channel and how Mother was not upset with him over such; had to laugh as male parent will stop at nothing to rub in face of people in internet “group” who care for self and brother more than male parent does. If male parent loved self as strangers in internet “group” do, would not have had to devise Operation Stronzo in first place.
Am becoming confused about gender expectations. For past two years Mother has been telling self am not allowed to wear anything blue but must only wear pink with bowbows so random public knows self is girl. So this morning, self put blue toy in brother’s swing as Mother has taught self that blue is for boys. But Mother then said that she did not teach self about gender-specific colours and that girls are allowed to play with blue things. Am so very confused. Is self still girl, if allowed to play with blue toys? Am wearing blue today, does mean self is now boy? Or is self not to care of gender-specific colours anymore? Mother then mentioned how self gives blue dishes from kitchen set to brother and male parent while self and Mother get pink and yellow plates, yet is now making fun of self for doing what Mother has taught self to believe about gender and colours. The more self thinks about this the more self becomes confused as am no longer aware of what expectations for self are. Will continue to use pink as do not want to anger Mother nor cause her to humiliate or stereotype self anymore. Perfect example ensued: Albi began playing with pink toy and Mother became angry. Is because Albi is boy, is not allowed to play with pink toys.
Was caught by Mother watching tutorial on trellis-climbing on iPad during quiet time. Must be more vigilant about keeping one ear on door. Am just so used to being left alone for so long that am surprised when parents actually do show up.
Am able to bond with brother during quiet time as brother sleeps next to sister. Is important to forge togetherness as a)only have each other as parents concerned with #1 (selves) and b) will need brother to trust self if escape is to be success. Have best interests at heart. Want brother to have chance to grow up normally away from cameras in face all day. Do not want him to grow up being known as little boy who loves Mother’s breasts as will be so horrifically embarrassing for brother once grows up. Care so much for him. Want to see brother happy. Has been so sad lately. When brother is crying parents just shove camera in his face; want to take him somewhere where instead of being filmed when sad, will be hugged and cuddled. Brother’s sadness used too much as entertainment here. Is so hard for self to see. Want brother to be safe. Example, male parent forced brother to stand in crib although brother fell back and was about inch away from cracking head open on rails as cannot stand. Forced self to nearly shout out as was scary. Poor brother’s head whipped back while male parent laughed. Cannot leave brother here to die at hands of careless male parent. Wish Mother would stand up to male parent more often as may not have a chance to survive until escape otherwise. Mother is only one who can save self and brother, as male parent’s excuse for letting brother fall was because “he’s a boy”; took that to assume just because is boy would have been fine if cracked head open on bed railings. Remember time self smashed teeth on crib railing and how much it hurt; know will happen to brother sooner rather than later; thought makes self sick. Male parent made brother stand again and turned camera off so people would not see brother fall second time.
Male parent attempted to give motivational speech today, something about “balls.” Will refrain from pointing out to male parent that he has none. Furthermore, does not have to juggle balls as has nothing in life that requires juggling. Does not have job must go to, barely cares for self and brother, orders food to be delivered constantly; is virtually void of commitments. Is like elephant telling fish how to use fin to swim. Elephant must actually have fin in order to have audacity to tell fish how to use own appendages. Is trying to convince viewers that male parent and Mother are very happy together; self is only two but knows that when two parents are happy together, do not act like cannot stand to be near each other. Do not lie to each other. Do not split things 70/30. Is equal balance. Show affection. Do not lie or roll eyes. Parents do not love each other. Do not know who will fall for “speech” on love. Male parent knows as much about love as self knows about astrophysics.
-E.
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some1likeyou2
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Re: Emilia's Diary
^^^^ Sorry if this isn`t the place for replies ,but BBOpper ,you definitely have found your forte... 
This would make an excellent book! 
This would make an excellent book! -
Bbopper
Re: Emilia's Diary
Migrating elsewhere. Can't trust Jodor to respect intellectual property, especially not here 
emiliasblog.tumblr.com
emiliasblog.tumblr.com
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Bbopper
Re: Emilia's Diary
October 3, 2014
Dear Diary,
Male parent loaded canines into boot of car this morning, proceeded to repeat everything he said four times, as usual. Suspect that he may need to repeat everything he says over and over so he has time to process it in his brain. Self understands what is said first time. Cannot wait to be somewhere where do not have to hear same thing 14 trillion times a day.
Went on walk with canines. Is good to become familiarized with pathways through city in case need to escape in night as undetected as possible. Want to high five brother. Vomited on Mother. Was quite amusing.
Found small garden of flowers, loved. Of course since male parent cannot appreciate beauty in life as is so self-obsessed did not get to enjoy flowers for long. Ignored male parent for rest of walk as could not abide his ignorance any longer. Was allowed to hold onto lead which is good; can begin discerning how much muscle power will be needed to reign canines should use as dogsled pack.
Mother said worst nightmare was losing canines; relieved to know will not cause her too much concern when depart forever.
Male parent told self not to be a quitter when became tired at end of walk. Is hilarious; male parent quits everything.
Brother’s hand-eye coordination improving dramatically; asked him to remove bowbow and was successful. Am happy brother will likely be able to contribute to escape.
Male parent has resumed begging for free things to be sent to PO Box. Spends so much time rubbing in people’s faces that male parent has some money yet incapable of buying things for self. Feel bad for young people who watch self as are spending hard-earned pocket money on things for male parent when is incredibly ungrateful. Should hear things male parent says when camera is off. Calls many things “ugly” and “stupid.” Hope viewers know that self is at least appreciative.
Mother painted self’s nails today. Once again look fabulous. However am wearing outfit entirely in pink today. Am even more confused regarding gender colour expectations.
Male parent tried to put wet fingernails in self’s eyeballs. Suspect is trying to blind self. Perhaps is catching onto plot of escape. Nevermind, is not that quick.
Male parent put self in brother’s bouncy saucer, once again pretending does not know how self got in it. Am insulted for viewers as male parent thinks viewers are truly most stupid beings alive.
Plotted out escape route using dog food in kitchen today. Male parent unaware is what self was doing. Perfect. Practiced driving coordination with small pushable car in kitchen. Seems easy to maneuver.
Male parent keeps calling vlog a “show” and each day is “episode.” Suspects male parent thinks is Doctor Who. Life is more like Walking Dead.
-E.
Dear Diary,
Male parent loaded canines into boot of car this morning, proceeded to repeat everything he said four times, as usual. Suspect that he may need to repeat everything he says over and over so he has time to process it in his brain. Self understands what is said first time. Cannot wait to be somewhere where do not have to hear same thing 14 trillion times a day.
Went on walk with canines. Is good to become familiarized with pathways through city in case need to escape in night as undetected as possible. Want to high five brother. Vomited on Mother. Was quite amusing.
Found small garden of flowers, loved. Of course since male parent cannot appreciate beauty in life as is so self-obsessed did not get to enjoy flowers for long. Ignored male parent for rest of walk as could not abide his ignorance any longer. Was allowed to hold onto lead which is good; can begin discerning how much muscle power will be needed to reign canines should use as dogsled pack.
Mother said worst nightmare was losing canines; relieved to know will not cause her too much concern when depart forever.
Male parent told self not to be a quitter when became tired at end of walk. Is hilarious; male parent quits everything.
Brother’s hand-eye coordination improving dramatically; asked him to remove bowbow and was successful. Am happy brother will likely be able to contribute to escape.
Male parent has resumed begging for free things to be sent to PO Box. Spends so much time rubbing in people’s faces that male parent has some money yet incapable of buying things for self. Feel bad for young people who watch self as are spending hard-earned pocket money on things for male parent when is incredibly ungrateful. Should hear things male parent says when camera is off. Calls many things “ugly” and “stupid.” Hope viewers know that self is at least appreciative.
Mother painted self’s nails today. Once again look fabulous. However am wearing outfit entirely in pink today. Am even more confused regarding gender colour expectations.
Male parent tried to put wet fingernails in self’s eyeballs. Suspect is trying to blind self. Perhaps is catching onto plot of escape. Nevermind, is not that quick.
Male parent put self in brother’s bouncy saucer, once again pretending does not know how self got in it. Am insulted for viewers as male parent thinks viewers are truly most stupid beings alive.
Plotted out escape route using dog food in kitchen today. Male parent unaware is what self was doing. Perfect. Practiced driving coordination with small pushable car in kitchen. Seems easy to maneuver.
Male parent keeps calling vlog a “show” and each day is “episode.” Suspects male parent thinks is Doctor Who. Life is more like Walking Dead.
-E.
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Bbopper
Re: Emilia's Diary
I'm sorry, it was becoming physically painful watching their vlogs every day to the point where I'd feel on the verge of a rage blackout all day. I'll write diaries on the days I do watch, how about that? It won't be often, but I'll continue on those days.
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Bbopper
Re: Emilia's Diary
June 7, 2016
Dear Diary,
Has been quite some time since self has been able to log progress; male parent discovered that self is who makes him all his money, and so have had camera in face nearly non-stop all day long, every day, so have not been able to dedicate as much time as is needed to escape plan.
Have attempted in small ways to continue progress; have been teaching small brother how to defend self by repeatedly attacking him when least expects it. Seems he is beginning to catch on. Self has taught him well. Male parent receives many slaps. Am pleased.
Have attempted in past several months to consume as many calories as possible, both to have fat reserves should, upon escape, brother and I are unable to find food or have not yet learned to hunt or forage, as well as to use self as battering ram both towards parents and barriers upon escape. Have resigned self to accept that sneaky escape may no longer be possible. While self and brother used to be ignored regularly, now self and brother are "the show" as male parent calls us, so must resort to physical force to be free of child slavery. Suspect that female parent is onto self, however; she appears to be following same high-caloric-intake plan as self. Possibly to be immovable when self tries to escape, in manner of brick wall? Also suspect both male and female parent are attempting to guilt self into staying by repeatedly displaying their private parts, as if you remind self, "This is where you came from!" Self does not care. Self may need gas mask, however; mother and father parent do not shower often, and scent is beginning to become almost unbearable. Since male parent is not terribly bright, however, suspect he may not be so much onto plan as is reminding himself that he may still have a penis. Must learn how to make them stop showing mine.
Am pleased that parents are torturing dogs by keeping them in cage all day. Aggression from dogs can be used to act as diversion towards parents, possibly even to knock over Mother Brick Wall when time is needed. Should that fail, there is strong guarantee that dogs will urinate and defecate on floor, and parents will fall into it, thus giving brother and self chance to depart. Brother and self have also been learning to drive; with so many unused and unnecessary vehicles on premises, surely now will be able to consider use of one as getaway car.
Will update more later. Hear father mouth-breathing down hall on his way to get self to perform.
-E
Dear Diary,
Has been quite some time since self has been able to log progress; male parent discovered that self is who makes him all his money, and so have had camera in face nearly non-stop all day long, every day, so have not been able to dedicate as much time as is needed to escape plan.
Have attempted in small ways to continue progress; have been teaching small brother how to defend self by repeatedly attacking him when least expects it. Seems he is beginning to catch on. Self has taught him well. Male parent receives many slaps. Am pleased.
Have attempted in past several months to consume as many calories as possible, both to have fat reserves should, upon escape, brother and I are unable to find food or have not yet learned to hunt or forage, as well as to use self as battering ram both towards parents and barriers upon escape. Have resigned self to accept that sneaky escape may no longer be possible. While self and brother used to be ignored regularly, now self and brother are "the show" as male parent calls us, so must resort to physical force to be free of child slavery. Suspect that female parent is onto self, however; she appears to be following same high-caloric-intake plan as self. Possibly to be immovable when self tries to escape, in manner of brick wall? Also suspect both male and female parent are attempting to guilt self into staying by repeatedly displaying their private parts, as if you remind self, "This is where you came from!" Self does not care. Self may need gas mask, however; mother and father parent do not shower often, and scent is beginning to become almost unbearable. Since male parent is not terribly bright, however, suspect he may not be so much onto plan as is reminding himself that he may still have a penis. Must learn how to make them stop showing mine.
Am pleased that parents are torturing dogs by keeping them in cage all day. Aggression from dogs can be used to act as diversion towards parents, possibly even to knock over Mother Brick Wall when time is needed. Should that fail, there is strong guarantee that dogs will urinate and defecate on floor, and parents will fall into it, thus giving brother and self chance to depart. Brother and self have also been learning to drive; with so many unused and unnecessary vehicles on premises, surely now will be able to consider use of one as getaway car.
Will update more later. Hear father mouth-breathing down hall on his way to get self to perform.
-E