University or boyfriend..

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Cassie
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University or boyfriend..

Post by Cassie » Fri Nov 15, 2013 7:27 pm

I'm in the middle of a no win situation. I've been accepted to a couple universities in England. I want to be able to feel proud of myself, and start the process of moving there (school starts in the fall next year) At the moment I'm very dissatisfied with my life. I'm in a dead end job with no hope of advancement, I feel like I'm wasting my life being depressed all the time here. I'm 21 and at this point in my life I feel as though I should already be halfway done/finished with my education.

The only thing keeping me from just making the decision is my long term bf. We have been together almost 2 years. We met online, and we have only met up in real life once so far. He is pressuring me to stay in the US. He says that if I just live here another year he will have a house and a military income so he can pay for my schooling in the US. But that all seems like wishful thinking to me. It doesn't really help me now. I should add that he is a little younger than me and we have had a fair amount of fights and break ups.

I'm in a tough situation here. I can either change my life for the better, and hopefully attain a good education. Or I can end up marrying my bf. I really need advice on what to do.. :?

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guestgue

Re: University or boyfriend..

Post by guestgue » Fri Nov 15, 2013 8:20 pm

University.

First of all, this is a once in a lfietime type of situation. And you should be looking at it as a total win.

Second, you've been together two years, but have only met in person once. What's the difference between being across the world ans LD or being LD but both in the states. Either way you aren't seeing him.

Third, this is your education. Education is golden, and he should want whats best for you.

Fourth, you already fight and break-up. Now, this might sound callus but what if you decide not to go and you and the boyfriend continue fighting and break up for good. You might not be able to get that opportunity back.

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Re: University or boyfriend..

Post by zibeoh » Tue Nov 19, 2013 1:50 am

University. End of!!

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incognito

Re: University or boyfriend..

Post by incognito » Tue Nov 19, 2013 5:44 pm

University.

You have an amazing opportunity to get an education, and in another country too! That is so exciting, and anyone who has your best interest in mind would be supportive and encourage you to go. He's not going to be seeing you whether you're in the US or the UK, so why would he insist on you staying here and continuing to be unhappy? It doesn't make any sense. You can always come back to the US, but the opportunity to go to school in England won't always be there. You will totally regret it if you don't go, even if you do end up with this guy in the end. Do it!!! :)

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Re: University or boyfriend..

Post by Cassie » Tue Nov 19, 2013 9:52 pm

It's the hardest choice I've ever had to make..

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Re: University or boyfriend..

Post by Cassie » Tue Nov 19, 2013 11:15 pm

I think I've made up my mind

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Re: University or boyfriend..

Post by loopyloo » Wed Nov 20, 2013 1:23 am

incognito wrote:University.

You have an amazing opportunity to get an education, and in another country too! That is so exciting, and anyone who has your best interest in mind would be supportive and encourage you to go. He's not going to be seeing you whether you're in the US or the UK, so why would he insist on you staying here and continuing to be unhappy? It doesn't make any sense. You can always come back to the US, but the opportunity to go to school in England won't always be there. You will totally regret it if you don't go, even if you do end up with this guy in the end. Do it!!! :)
The bolded bit is so true. If someone loves you they want to see you achieve your dreams even if that means they have to make a sacrifice. One thing I generally do is stay away from any man who wants to clip my wings.

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Re: University or boyfriend..

Post by bananashans » Mon Nov 25, 2013 5:36 pm

Two things:

1. This should not even be a question. University.

2. If your boyfriend is pressuring you to do anything that goes against a wonderful life opportunity for you, you need to lose the boyfriend. Real love supports. It does not give you ultimatums like that.

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Re: University or boyfriend..

Post by Blue_Lagoon » Tue Dec 03, 2013 6:27 pm

University!
I lived with my boyfriend for many years and recently moved apart for studying in another town. He didn't want to go with me, so I decided what's best for me. I'm happy with the situation and we know it's only for a while. There are some chances you never get back!

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Re: University or boyfriend..

Post by Angie V » Wed Dec 04, 2013 12:32 am

UNIVERSITY


Do not EVER compromise your dreams and your future for ANYONE. Someone who cares about you would support you no matter what. Sometimes if you love someone, you need to let them go if that will make them happy.
imma ball til the day i fall

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Re: University or boyfriend..

Post by iloveeeecheeesee » Thu Dec 05, 2013 7:34 am

University. It doesn't matter how long it takes to get your education, just that you get it. I "gave up" that for my husband (taking classes on base) but even before we met, I didn't really want to go to college. You'll be struggling with a military income. It's not bad, but it's not like you have a lot extra money. The health insurance sucks too, luckily I can be on my dad's for a couple more years. Me and my husband would have struggled with money if my dad didn't help us out in the beginning. It's a lot harder than it actually is and unless his BAH is a lot, you won't be able to get a house. And he won't be able to live off base unmarried for a couple years (I don't remember how many). He won't be able to pay for your schooling unless you are married. Not to be rude, but I'm getting the feeling you're not ready for marriage because you want to be an independent woman first, which is good. It also seems like he's pushing you to get married to just be together and that's not a reason to get married. I live on base and I see bunch of girls who gave up their dreams to be with a guy and regret it everyday. He'll still be there when you graduate.
The only dream I was sure of before my husband was to be a mother (foster mother, surrogate, and egg donor) and now I have dreams of being a teacher also. But that's just me because I wasn't planning on going to college or anything before.

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Re: University or boyfriend..

Post by RabbieWingz » Thu Jan 02, 2014 2:28 pm

University.

I was kind of in the same situation. I could either go to the college of my dreams or go to one I hated with my BF. I chose my BF's college and it's probably the worst decision I've ever made. We became distant and broke up, a year ago I wouldn't of even seen that our break up coming.

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Re: University or boyfriend..

Post by Decayedbeauty » Thu Jan 09, 2014 10:20 pm

If there ain't a ring on it you are wasting your time.


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Re: University or boyfriend..

Post by Clemence » Fri Jan 10, 2014 12:53 am

University. My favorite quote is: “Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore.”

Seriously. Go to University in England. If your boyfriend TRULY loves you he will encourage you to do whats best and will wait for you. Don't let love blind you from making a smart decision. You could end up regreting this for the rest of your life. My mom chose love and she had been married for my dad for 20 years. He then cheated and left her. Now we are suffering with financial problems. ALWAYS choose education!
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Re: University or boyfriend..

Post by SugarproofVeeegan » Sat Nov 08, 2014 9:47 am

Your boyfriend has only bothered to come see you once in two years, but expects you to put your life on hold so he can take control of the situation IF things pan out for him? Girl, go to England. It'll be an amazing experience and it's a huge opportunity. College education in the United States sucks, quite frankly, and I find it insulting that your boyfriend would rather make you lose a good opportunity just so he can eventually be the breadwinner (again, IF things work out for him which they likely won't) in the relationship. Education in England is less expensive and probably more efficient than US schooling, so your boyfriend is basically asking you to forego a chance to get a great education so that he can get his way and pay for you to get a lower-quality education in the US, to suit his own selfish wants.

He's trying to put himself in the driver's seat of your life and that is a red flag. Hell no, screw him. Go to England, focus on your education, and eventually you'll find a guy who respects you enough to not hold you back. There are so many people in the US who would kill for the opportunity to study abroad. Don't let him take this away from you!
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Re: University or boyfriend..

Post by CaliMel » Sun Jan 10, 2016 9:02 am

University! You have an absolutely amazing opportunity. Not to sound callous, but there are literally over 6 billion people in the world. One boyfriend is not going to be the end all be all.
He does not sound very supportive. I'm sure he is scared too, but you could do long distance, or just do what people did in the 50s when someone went to college. I remember my hygenist telling me about how her husband and her both went to different colleges. They dated other people. But they both had decided while dating other people that they were each others, and would get married, but they did not want to hold each other back from having a normal college experience. Which I thought was very mature. 2 years is a long time, sure. But I would say, go to university, experience everything you can in another country! If you hate it, you can always leave. But education is so so important. It will help you in every aspect of your future life.

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