I'm 18 and ever since I could remember I liked girls, and guys. The thing is I like girls WAY more than guys, Am I a lesbian or am I Bi? I've been dating my boyfriend for two years now but I'm not a normal girlfriend, I'm not cuddly and I don't like to kiss him that much.I don't show that much affection towards him and it hurts his feelings. I like him but it's so hard to be affectionate to him.That's what confuses me. Does this mean I'm actually lesbian not bisexual? I feel like total shit because he loves me and he's a great guy but I don't treat him like I should. He's like my best friend and I don't want to lose him. But I feel so lost. I haven't come out of the closet to anyone and it makes things worse. I feel like my girl friends will be freaked out by me. I don't know what to do. I hope this makes sense.
Have any of you felt like this? Can you help me out?
I'm confused about my sexuality.
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Re: I'm confused about my sexuality.
You are not a lesbian if you are attracted to men. Sexuality is a tough thing to label and I never recommend trying to but people do anyway. The sooner you stop caring about "what you are" and the faster you just date people because you like that particular person for who they are rather then their genitals, the easier your life gets.
I personally have had both relationships with men and women. I have been dating my boyfriend for two and a half years after a year of almost exclusive homosexual relationships. Your lack of affection is not because you think you like women, it's because you're not an affectionate person with him. There isn't wrong with that. I'm not with my boyfriend and he's not with me. It's just how we are. It's not because I dated women in the past or that I don't love him. It's completely fine. If it hurts him that's something you guys need to communicate about together.
I personally would not "come out" to a bunch of people either, people tend to think what looks like a straight girl going on about how she likes women is usually doing it for attention. Talk about it with your close friends if you're comfortable but don't throw yourself a coming out party. It's normal to feel lost because sexuality is a confusing thing. I still struggle with mine. Just let what happens, happen. Don't force anything on yourself, including labels. If you want to talk about it more, you can PM me.
I personally have had both relationships with men and women. I have been dating my boyfriend for two and a half years after a year of almost exclusive homosexual relationships. Your lack of affection is not because you think you like women, it's because you're not an affectionate person with him. There isn't wrong with that. I'm not with my boyfriend and he's not with me. It's just how we are. It's not because I dated women in the past or that I don't love him. It's completely fine. If it hurts him that's something you guys need to communicate about together.
I personally would not "come out" to a bunch of people either, people tend to think what looks like a straight girl going on about how she likes women is usually doing it for attention. Talk about it with your close friends if you're comfortable but don't throw yourself a coming out party. It's normal to feel lost because sexuality is a confusing thing. I still struggle with mine. Just let what happens, happen. Don't force anything on yourself, including labels. If you want to talk about it more, you can PM me.
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Re: I'm confused about my sexuality.
I don't personally know much about this, but check out Laci Green. She's wonderful. She talks about sexuality and healthy sexual relationships. She makes YouTube videos and she also has a blog. Its normal to be confused. Don't try to label yourself! Just be who you are. Experiment. Don't tie yourself down to this guy just because he treats you right. Try out different kinds of relationships to see what fits you best
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Re: I'm confused about my sexuality.
In regard to labels, don't get bogged down in them at first. If you are indeed gay, taking pride in that label comes once you are confident in yourself and your life. I identify as gay/lesbian because it's just what I feel most comfortable identifying with and I take an enormous amount of pride in it. If you're not comfortable identifying with a label then you don't have to. If you must put a label on yourself (which can make it less terrifying and make you feel like less of a freak, so I totally get it) I found pansexual a comfortable one for a long time. It basically means "gender blind" and that you're attracted to people rather than any particular gender. As opposed to bisexual which usually refers to being attracted to both genders. It's a slight difference, but if you need to label yourself it can make all the difference in feeling comfortable with yourself.
Coming out, I would hold back on it particularly if your parents are not as accepting. I waited until I was 19 when I had moved out of the house (even though my parents would never have kicked me out) just because you aren't surrounded by the negativity 24/7 if it does indeed turn that way. In regard to your friends freaking out, if they're real friends they will stay with you. If not, then they're fucking losers who are beneath you anyway. Simple as that.
Practical advice would be to start going to gay bars/talking to other gay people. I'm not suggesting cheating on your boyfriend with a girl or anything, but I know I started to realise I was a lesbian when I started hanging out with other gay people. Not because I was attracted to any of the other girls (in fact most of them were gay guys) but just because I could identify with them and felt a connection to them.
The boyfriend situation, this is all your decision. What I would do if it were me, I'd maybe take a look at what I want out of a relationship and then why I'm not feeling the current relationship. For example, you say you're not a touchy feely girlfriend but is that what you actually want out of a relationship? When you picture your ideal relationship do you see a couple that are always in each others arms or not? If not, don't stress. Some people just aren't as into the physical expression of love. If it is, take a look at why you aren't being intimate with him. If you do end up deciding you can't be with him and want to break up with him, I think it would be important to stress that it is in no way about him and that you guys should continue hanging out. I have friends who have broken up with boyfriends because they realised they were gay, and quite honestly their dynamic hasn't even changed. In fact they're even better friends because they hang out and talk about girls all the time lol
Hope this helps and best of luck. Feel free to PM me if you want.
Coming out, I would hold back on it particularly if your parents are not as accepting. I waited until I was 19 when I had moved out of the house (even though my parents would never have kicked me out) just because you aren't surrounded by the negativity 24/7 if it does indeed turn that way. In regard to your friends freaking out, if they're real friends they will stay with you. If not, then they're fucking losers who are beneath you anyway. Simple as that.
Practical advice would be to start going to gay bars/talking to other gay people. I'm not suggesting cheating on your boyfriend with a girl or anything, but I know I started to realise I was a lesbian when I started hanging out with other gay people. Not because I was attracted to any of the other girls (in fact most of them were gay guys) but just because I could identify with them and felt a connection to them.
The boyfriend situation, this is all your decision. What I would do if it were me, I'd maybe take a look at what I want out of a relationship and then why I'm not feeling the current relationship. For example, you say you're not a touchy feely girlfriend but is that what you actually want out of a relationship? When you picture your ideal relationship do you see a couple that are always in each others arms or not? If not, don't stress. Some people just aren't as into the physical expression of love. If it is, take a look at why you aren't being intimate with him. If you do end up deciding you can't be with him and want to break up with him, I think it would be important to stress that it is in no way about him and that you guys should continue hanging out. I have friends who have broken up with boyfriends because they realised they were gay, and quite honestly their dynamic hasn't even changed. In fact they're even better friends because they hang out and talk about girls all the time lol
Hope this helps and best of luck. Feel free to PM me if you want.
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Re: I'm confused about my sexuality.
Screw labels Fall in love with whomever you want to fall in love with. As you get older it becomes so much easier to not care about what other people think.
And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed...Just to get it all out, what's in my head...And I, I am feeling a little peculiar...And so I wake in the morning and I step outside...And I take a deep breath and I get real high...And I scream from the top of my lungs..."What's going on?"...
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Re: I'm confused about my sexuality.
I understand your confusion! It's okay, you're not alone!
Sexuality can be very fluid and changes as a person grows up, for others, sexuality is static, it rarely changes.
When I was younger, I always struggled with my sexuality, I didn't know if I was straight, bi or gay. Over the years, I've come to realise I'm aromantic asexual. I don't experience romantic or sexual attraction towards other people at all. I don't feel "love" in the traditional sense of the word and I don't get that feeling of "Oh, I want to have sex with that person, they are very attractive!" and actively seek them out. There is literally no desire for me to do that.
That being said, some ace people are sex-repulsed, they have no libido while others are sex-positive and have a libido. Some ace people enjoy sex because it means they can satisfy their partner and that, in turn, makes them happy. I am one of the latter. For that reason, it's why I identify as queer. If I imagine having a relationship with someone, it's almost always in the context of being gay, the relationship is rarely ever perceived as heterosexual.
If I am in a relationship with someone and they continue to insist the relationship is heterosexual, I get extremely uncomfortable because it means the guy I'm dating is perceiving me as a woman and this is reinforced when he calls me "his girlfriend, she/her," etc. I am trans, transitioning from female to male so it felt like he was disregarding my identity overall. He claimed to be bisexual but would be all, "ew, gross!" if I talked about having a penis (I am yet to have my final surgery, basically to have surgically constructed penis and testicles.) LMFAOOO it was just so funny because if he was TRULY bisexual, he would NOT be grossed out by the idea of me being fully male in body. The fact he wanted me to "stay as I am" was just further proof that he's a straight boy, trying to be "woke" and gain brownie points with girls by claiming he's bisexual. Good riddance to him! haha.
Sorry that was long but I hope it helps!
Sexuality can be very fluid and changes as a person grows up, for others, sexuality is static, it rarely changes.
When I was younger, I always struggled with my sexuality, I didn't know if I was straight, bi or gay. Over the years, I've come to realise I'm aromantic asexual. I don't experience romantic or sexual attraction towards other people at all. I don't feel "love" in the traditional sense of the word and I don't get that feeling of "Oh, I want to have sex with that person, they are very attractive!" and actively seek them out. There is literally no desire for me to do that.
That being said, some ace people are sex-repulsed, they have no libido while others are sex-positive and have a libido. Some ace people enjoy sex because it means they can satisfy their partner and that, in turn, makes them happy. I am one of the latter. For that reason, it's why I identify as queer. If I imagine having a relationship with someone, it's almost always in the context of being gay, the relationship is rarely ever perceived as heterosexual.
If I am in a relationship with someone and they continue to insist the relationship is heterosexual, I get extremely uncomfortable because it means the guy I'm dating is perceiving me as a woman and this is reinforced when he calls me "his girlfriend, she/her," etc. I am trans, transitioning from female to male so it felt like he was disregarding my identity overall. He claimed to be bisexual but would be all, "ew, gross!" if I talked about having a penis (I am yet to have my final surgery, basically to have surgically constructed penis and testicles.) LMFAOOO it was just so funny because if he was TRULY bisexual, he would NOT be grossed out by the idea of me being fully male in body. The fact he wanted me to "stay as I am" was just further proof that he's a straight boy, trying to be "woke" and gain brownie points with girls by claiming he's bisexual. Good riddance to him! haha.
Sorry that was long but I hope it helps!
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Re: I'm confused about my sexuality.
@michichu Thank you for sharing your story with us! I hope you find a supportive partner worthy of your love
And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed...Just to get it all out, what's in my head...And I, I am feeling a little peculiar...And so I wake in the morning and I step outside...And I take a deep breath and I get real high...And I scream from the top of my lungs..."What's going on?"...