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Mother In Law (Hard Connecting with)

Mother In Law (Hard Connecting with)

Postby kathleenlightsssss » Tue Apr 18, 2017 9:06 am

So I've been married for almost 5 years now and I STILL feel so awkward whenever she is around. She's always on her phone (playing games or texting) and hard to talk to. Not very maternal. She's also twice divorced and has been "single" for the last 18 years. She's in her early 60's now.

And her way of showing her son (my husband) affection is by paying for things. She bought him an $800 iphone when it first came out, then his $33,000 car -cash! But never gets me any fancy gifts or attention. She did give us money to help with a down payment for our home- but always lords it over us. And pops in whenever she wants (sometimes no notice) and she lives 3 hours away! She'll decided to pop in on Valentine's day or our anniversary?! :o :?

My mom also feels awkward around her and finds her hard to talk to/connect with. We always feel insecure around her and judged. She (my mother in law) is always talking about money, and how much things cost. WE think she is the insecure one. But why do we both always feel so uncomfortable whenever she is around?

My husband has no idea... :oops:

ADVICE?
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Re: Mother In Law (Hard Connecting with)

Postby Mammamia0207 » Tue Apr 18, 2017 9:46 am

I think mothers in law can be pretty tough sometimes, but I guess it also depends on how she views things too
for example:
How long had you been together before you got married?
Did she get to know you whilst you were dating?
Is your husband her only son ?
That type of thing.. You never know, she could be quite introverted and doesn't know how to act.
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Re: Mother In Law (Hard Connecting with)

Postby beautifuldisaster082 » Tue Apr 18, 2017 10:00 am

Yeah they are a tricky bunch. Over bearing because another woman has taken their baby. Some of them are totally cool and sweet, but there's always those few. My first mother in law was sweet, but she was a pain in the ass. My current future mother in law is a lot more laid back, however she too is up my fiancee's ass whenever we visit. Always brings up money and how we should and shouldn't spend it. She does spoil him too, hes her youngest. Sometimes it is like walking on egg shells with her. I have learned that the less time we spend around them the better. So we don't visit as often. Maybe your mother in law is lonely and needs to feel that sense of control because she doesn't have a relationship herself? I am by no means an expert, I have only been married one other time. That mother in law is a whole other story. Lol Maybe your husband should talk to her and put his foot down. Get to the bottom of why she acts the way she does.

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Re: Mother In Law (Hard Connecting with)

Postby kathleenlightsssss » Tue Apr 18, 2017 10:03 am

Mammamia0207 wrote:I think mothers in law can be pretty tough sometimes, but I guess it also depends on how she views things too
for example:
How long had you been together before you got married?
Did she get to know you whilst you were dating?
Is your husband her only son ?
That type of thing.. You never know, she could be quite introverted and doesn't know how to act.


We only met a few times before getting engaged. I mean enough times. I went to her house, etc. Had dinner. etc. but I never feel comfortable to have deep or personal conversations with her, she seems to lose interest after i start saying something.. :? she's very selfish and kind of negative.

She has 1 son and 1 daughter. Luckily she visits the daughter more! :tu: :rofl:
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Re: Mother In Law (Hard Connecting with)

Postby kathleenlightsssss » Tue Apr 18, 2017 10:06 am

beautifuldisaster082 wrote:Yeah they are a tricky bunch. Over bearing because another woman has taken their baby. Some of them are totally cool and sweet, but there's always those few. My first mother in law was sweet, but she was a pain in the ass. My current future mother in law is a lot more laid back, however she too is up my fiancee's ass whenever we visit. Always brings up money and how we should and shouldn't spend it. She does spoil him too, hes her youngest. Sometimes it is like walking on egg shells with her. I have learned that the less time we spend around them the better. So we don't visit as often. Maybe your mother in law is lonely and needs to feel that sense of control because she doesn't have a relationship herself? I am by no means an expert, I have only been married one other time. That mother in law is a whole other story. Lol Maybe your husband should talk to her and put his foot down. Get to the bottom of why she acts the way she does.

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I just get such negative/awkward vibes when she is around? :? Maybe I am just picking up her insecure vibes and reflecting?
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Re: Mother In Law (Hard Connecting with)

Postby beautifuldisaster082 » Tue Apr 18, 2017 10:10 am

That could be the case. Don't let her get to you and try to present more of a positive vibe and see if she picks up on it. If she does and it rubs off then good. If not then I would try and talk to her one on one and get to the bottom of it. Just something you two can talk about and maybe that will make her open up.

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Re: Mother In Law (Hard Connecting with)

Postby kathleenlightsssss » Tue Apr 18, 2017 10:16 am

beautifuldisaster082 wrote:That could be the case. Don't let her get to you and try to present more of a positive vibe and see if she picks up on it. If she does and it rubs off then good. If not then I would try and talk to her one on one and get to the bottom of it. Just something you two can talk about and maybe that will make her open up.

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I hate confrontation :oops: :shock:
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Re: Mother In Law (Hard Connecting with)

Postby beautifuldisaster082 » Tue Apr 18, 2017 10:19 am

So do I, trust me. Just try small talk first. Is there anything you have in common with her or similar interests?

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Re: Mother In Law (Hard Connecting with)

Postby kathleenlightsssss » Tue Apr 18, 2017 10:30 am

beautifuldisaster082 wrote:So do I, trust me. Just try small talk first. Is there anything you have in common with her or similar interests?

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She's actually very tomboy- not into makeup or fashion- my passions. But she loves app games like candy crush and when I told her about my fave- Best fiends, she pulled out her phone and instead of dowloading the free app (like I assumed) she just started texting and was only half listening to me. It's rude and hurts my feelings. So I just sit quietly while she talks to her son. And she also always shows photos of things on her phone ONLY to him.. like angles so he can see it, but i can't? Even he will say hey mom she can't see... :roll: it's f*cking rude, right?! So rude/weird?! :? :o
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Re: Mother In Law (Hard Connecting with)

Postby beautifuldisaster082 » Tue Apr 18, 2017 10:34 am

That is rude. At least your husband acknowledges the fact that she makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe he needs to talk to her and remind her that you deserve respect and attention.

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Re: Mother In Law (Hard Connecting with)

Postby kathleenlightsssss » Tue Apr 18, 2017 10:48 am

beautifuldisaster082 wrote:That is rude. At least your husband acknowledges the fact that she makes you feel uncomfortable. Maybe he needs to talk to her and remind her that you deserve respect and attention.

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Right?! i'm not off noticing this? i am just shy and quiet and polite- so I don't get aggressive or say anything to her. And guess what ? She's on her way now (early) as usual- so I am stuck entertaining her for an hour until my husband gets home! :x :roll:
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Re: Mother In Law (Hard Connecting with)

Postby beautifuldisaster082 » Tue Apr 18, 2017 10:52 am

Maybe you mentioned this, I'm not sure but do yoy have kids? Because if shes this way now I can only imagine if you had kids. So I think the sooner you get to the bottom of it the better.

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Re: Mother In Law (Hard Connecting with)

Postby kathleenlightsssss » Tue Apr 18, 2017 11:07 am

beautifuldisaster082 wrote:Maybe you mentioned this, I'm not sure but do yoy have kids? Because if shes this way now I can only imagine if you had kids. So I think the sooner you get to the bottom of it the better.

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No kids. Not ready. Maybe a year from now? Part of not my wanting kids is the fear she will come over more often!! :o

What would adding kids to the equation do?
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Re: Mother In Law (Hard Connecting with)

Postby beautifuldisaster082 » Tue Apr 18, 2017 11:10 am

She could become one of those that tries to tell you how to raise them, ect. That could get frustrating. I don't have any either. We need more space, and a house before we do that.

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Re: Mother In Law (Hard Connecting with)

Postby kathleenlightsssss » Tue Apr 18, 2017 11:44 am

beautifuldisaster082 wrote:She could become one of those that tries to tell you how to raise them, ect. That could get frustrating. I don't have any either. We need more space, and a house before we do that.

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She's just very odd to me. Hard to connect with. And trust me, nobody will have a say in how i raise my kid except my husband and possibly my mom? But it's our family.. You know..

She's not here yet but I'm dreading every minute that passes. She drove all the way from out of town (2.5 hours away) just to visit her son and have dinner with us and then drive back? it's so weird! And this week is our wedding anniversary (Friday to be exact) she isn't coming then, THANK GAWD! :o
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