he said i'm 8/10

[OutOfStep]

disclaimer: i'm PMSing and obsessing over hurtful thoughts - this is a regular thing but I can't get this out of my head.

recently started a new relationship.

he often just blurts out thoughts he has, he goes: "idk, you're an 8/10 but 10/10 with personality"

this was a few days ago and now that I'm PMSing all I can think about is how he said I'm an 8/10. he's a 10/10 for me and it's eating away at my brains, I can't focus on anything else. he think i'm an 8/10.

It's not that I'm not, it's that I'd like to think that at least if someone likes me they don't think in those terms anymore or AT LEAST have the decency not to tell me. I'm not sure what exactly I'm offended at, I just feel offended. I don't even know how to bring it up because - again - I'm PMSing and am an explosive mess of feels


GG, wat do plz ? help me rationalize these hormonal feels

[alienrasta]

i'd bring it up. sure you may be hormonal but if it's bothering you, it's bothering you.

[wild4thenight]

that's a pretty sh*tty thing to say to someone to be honest. if you're with them then they should think you are a 10/10 because they chose to be with you, and not anyone else.

[OutOfStep]

that's a pretty sh*tty thing to say to someone to be honest. if you're with them then they should think you are a 10/10 because they chose to be with you, and not anyone else.

right !? that's how i felt toooo
I always try to rationalise and not be oversensitive and think "well, at least he's honest" or "well, he's a man" or "well, for men body and personality are different whereas for girls they're pretty much interlinked" etc etc

but I feel butthurt and I don't know how to bring it up without sounding like I'm insecure and am fishing for compliments - because guys don't understand that either. I'm really just butthurt that he revealed a truth about how he sees me.

[wild4thenight]

that's a pretty sh*tty thing to say to someone to be honest. if you're with them then they should think you are a 10/10 because they chose to be with you, and not anyone else.

right !? that's how i felt toooo
I always try to rationalise and not be oversensitive and think "well, at least he's honest" or "well, he's a man" or "well, for men body and personality are different whereas for girls they're pretty much interlinked" etc etc

but I feel butthurt and I don't know how to bring it up without sounding like I'm insecure and am fishing for compliments - because guys don't understand that either. I'm really just butthurt that he revealed a truth about how he sees me.

i'd be hurt by that - for sure! it's a hard subject to approach because the standard response will be 'oh you shouldn't take it so seriously' but if you turned around and said to him well you're a 6/10 i don't think he'd be happy, would anyone??

[Guest]

I don't know if I'm being extreme but if a guy said that to me I wouldn't give him the time of day. To me that's a major red flag; both because it is a stupid comment and because he seemingly doesn't realize why saying something like that to a partner is f*cked up. Being with someone who separates appearance and personality so bluntly is not the ideal boyfriend material.

[Demonita]

I agree with meowninjacat on that. And I mean if someone likes/loves you he wont "rate" you. I mean thats so childish + weird in my opinion. Only immature boys would do that... You should be the one and end of the story.

[peanutella]

I don't know if I'm being extreme but if a guy said that to me I wouldn't give him the time of day. To me that's a major red flag; both because it is a stupid comment and because he seemingly doesn't realize why saying something like that to a partner is f*cked up. Being with someone who separates appearance and personality so bluntly is not the ideal boyfriend material.

I completely agree with you. my ex used to do shit like that and unfortunately it took me way too long to realise that's not okay.

[OutOfStep]

thank you guys

i brought it up yesterday, I just asked him to not tell me i'm 8/10 again because i makes me feel bad/butthurt.
to which he replied "why" ?
i said : ... you mean why it makes me feel butthurt?
he said : yes
i said: ....ummmm..... (he's very jokey, wasn't sure if he was trolling)
he then told me 8/10 was really really good
(i couldn't believe my ears and had a shocked / disbelief face). i told him that for me a person i like is 10/10 and that he's seriously making me have second thoughts.
he said for him a person he likes is 10/10 too but objectively no one is perfect
i didn't say much, I was considering leaving him then and there
he then started telling me all the things he loves about my body, naming them off one by one - and in the evening after work he kept showering me in compliments and was incredibly lovey dovey and telling me all the things he loved about my personality

i was laughing because wondering if he's just feeling bad

men lack subtlety, ahaha

[Demonita]

Obviously noone is perfect, that is true but still you dont rate your partner. The partner should always see you as a whole, from the appearance to your heart. No numbers should be involved aka ratings. I know guys joke sometimes but this isnt funny in my eyes at all... You probably scared the crap out of him and thats good because he needs to make it up to you. You dont deserve to be judged in a way like that. He needs to learn to keep that kind of comments to himself. If he wont then its all up to you and what you are going to do.

[Guest]

Obviously noone is perfect, that is true but still you dont rate your partner. The partner should always see you as a whole, from the appearance to your heart. No numbers should be involved aka ratings. I know guys joke sometimes but this isnt funny in my eyes at all... You probably scared the crap out of him and thats good because he needs to make it up to you. You dont deserve to be judged in a way like that. He needs to learn to keep that kind of comments to himself. If he wont then its all up to you and what you are going to do.

Totally agree with this. What he did to you now seems kind of psychopathic to me... either that or he really has no filter. And even after you told him it still seems like he doesn't truly UNDERSTAND how fucked up what he said is, but he understood that it hurt you so he started showering you with compliments because I assume he didn't know what else to do. I don't know who this guy is though so I can't say anything with certainty; like Demonita said, what you do from now in is up to you. However, I do feel that you should pay attention to other potential signs that could suggest he has issues understanding emotions.

[no1partyanthem]

The fact he said it in the first place is messed up to rate your partner like that but the fact that you told him it upset you and he still didn't understand in my opinion would be unforgivable until he can understand. It's things like that which would be okay if they genuinely understood when you tried to explain to them your feelings. But someone who says stuff like that and then doesn't even understand something so basic that is a whole other level of 'red flag' in my opinion and would likely cause many other similar problems potentially over something which is way more hurtful or serious or just a continuous lack of understanding, empathy, decency and understanding over things like that. That is not something you should have to put up with in my opinion. Everyone can make mistakes and say stupid incentive stuff occasionally but decent people who are capable of being in a relationship would understand something so basic especially after having to actually be explained it to.